Has anyone chosen *not* to breastfeed their second baby after breastfeeding the first?

[eyebagsandgladrags]

I breastfed my daughter through premature birth, severe jaundice, three bouts of mastitis, PND, bottle refusing and terrible sleep. I fed her for a year and she weaned very gently and at her own pace. Looking back, I feel proud of myself but also a sense of trauma. I feel that I breastfed her against my will for the first six months. I felt trapped and like I couldn't stop even though I desperately wanted to (she was an adamant bottle refuser and I was crippled with anxiety). It got better after she started solids and would drink from a cup, from 6/7 months, but it definitely had a negative impact on my mental health.

I'm now pregnant again and I'm already feeling a huge amount of trepidation at going through all of that again. I'm dreading the sleep deprivation being solely my burden to bear and of the endless cluster feeding taking time away from my daughter. I keep having waves of panic about how I'd cope having to do it all again while also looking after my older child, especially in the early weeks when she's likely to feel upset and unsettled at the new arrival.

Basically, I really dont want to breastfeed again but I already feel unbelievably guilty. I'm worried about being judged, the stigma among my peers about bottle feeding, the guilt about not breastfeeding a second child after breastfeeding the first. Not to mention the practicalities of formula feeding a newborn, which is totally new to me.

I can't be the only person with this experience? Has anyone else had this dilemma, and what did you end up doing? Has anyone successfully combi-fed from birth?

Can anyone relate?!

Yep, gave up after 2 weeks with DC 2 and felt massive relief

There is no reason to feel guilty if you don’t want to breastfeed but it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I combi fed my first and it was great. If you bottle feed at night it means you can take it in turns with your husband to be responsible for a night and your baby will benefit from having a well rested mother.

I can relate to breastfeeding a very prem baby - 2 months of expressing and bottle feeding expressed milk before he was able to latch. Breastfeeding my 36 weeker was an absolute doddle with no probs at all and oh so convenient. So I just wanted to make the point that the bf will likely be entirely different with baby number 2. But if it’s going to bring back bad memories, go with whatever suits you best.

I breastfed my 1st dd through prolonged jaundice and up to 17 months. She would take a bottle but i don't think she ever had more than 5oz. She thrived on breastfeeding. But it was very demanding, she didn't sleep well and I couldn't get on with pumping so it was very much all on me. With dd2 I combi fed. She didn't wee straight away in hospital (or if she did we missed it) the midwives were worried she had kidney problems so we topped her up with formula so we knew something was going in, for it to come out again, it did she was fine. Once home she continued to have top ups of formula. I'd breastfed but after say 20mins I'd offer formula which she would take. It also meant my dh could do feeds and I got more sleep. It was definitely easier having the bottle option with having a 4yr old too. I kept up offering the breast for over a year. She definitely got the benefits of breastfeeding but just not the quantity my dd1 got. It worked well. Dd2 is 3 and a half now and she is a good eater too.

I have a five month old and was thinking about this earlier (I'm not pregnant but if I were to have a second...) I also felt tremendous pressure to make breastfeeding work. My baby wouldn't latch so I eventually had to ask for formula in hospital. Then I came home and pumped round the clock to build my supply. I spent seven weeks pumping. Pumping is such hard work and very time consuming and I had to set an alarm to make sure I was pumping in the early hours of the mornjng even if the baby was asleep. I had her tongue tie done privately at seven weeks after feeling in my gut something must be wrong with her not being able to latch but by that point she was used to the bottle and could only latch using a nipple shield. My supply started dwindling and her weight gain had been slow from the start so at three months I switched to formula. It's been a breeze and has meant I've enjoyed my baby instead of stressing about milk.

Im only at the nearly 3 month old stage with my first baby but breastfeeding is a slog and I’ve already decided if I have another I’ll probably just try 2 weeks and if it’s not coming easy I’ll switch.

Im currently on the BF roller coaster and pretty keen go get off it already (ive never liked theme parks anyway ). We’ve been combi feeding 1 bottle a day since 3 weeks old and now upped to 2 bottles. I also try and pump when I can be bothered.
Think I’ve decided to up another bottle a week and hopefully switch fully to formula by 4/5 months.
My boy had tongue tie that was undiagnosed until 7 weeks and I’ve not coped well mentally with being solely responsible for feeding every 2 hours.
Stick to your guns

My first was exclusively breastfed and never took a bottle. It was a nightmare when I went back to work and she was in nursery but would only drink from a sippy cup.

My second got 1 bottle per day from 6 weeks going up to 2 or 3 bottles by 6 months so that I had the freedom to leave her. I tried pumping for a bit but it was an enormous hassle and formula was so much easier.

So do whatever works for you.

I can't describe what a relief it is to finally get this off my chest and then to have had such a lovely response - thanks everyone for your reassurance and advice. I don't know what I was expecting - I've obviously internalised a lot of angst about breastfeeding and just imagined most other people are as weird about it as I am! Happily, I think I was wrong.

I had a traumatic HG pregnancy and a breastfeeding nightmare journey with DS1. Another HG pregnancy with DS2 and I didn’t think I’d have the mental strength to breastfeed him and seriously considered formula feeding. However I decided to give it a go so he at least got the colostrum. I also paid for a lactation consultant in the first week to get us off to a strong start. It’s been a lot easier the second time around, although honestly, I still don’t enjoy breastfeeding. I do it for the baby and I’m neutral about it at best (although also proud, as I’ve worked very hard). To my surprised, 6 months in and DS2 is EBF, where as DS1 had a bit of combi feeding.

I’d say just see how you feel after birth and plan for both. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding if you decide to. I completely relate to the conflict between impact on mental health vs guilt of feeding one and not the other. Someone said to me that this is a different baby and a different breastfeeding journey, and that really stuck with me.

Hats off to anyone who exclusively pumps. Exhausting, time consuming and all the washing up of formula feeding and more. I think it takes a lot of dedication. I couldn’t do it. I express one bottle a week and still moan about it 😆

I had all sorts of problems BF my DC1. I tried, but we moved from formula top ups to combi feeding to pretty much full formula by 3 months ish. And I cried over it a lot.

DC2, 2 years later, I promised myself I wouldn’t get so invested in it and planned to combi feed for sure, and go fully to formula if it’s was all too much. I still tried and I still cried over it when we had some similar issues. But maybe she was a better feeder, or maybe I was more experienced, but actually we did ok with bf after a few weeks and DH gave her a bottle of formula every evening which helped a lot. I still weaned her to formula after 6 months though as I hated bf.

My kids are 5 and 3. When they play with their friends none of can tell and sometimes barely even remember ourselves who was bf and who was ff

You’ll probably still cry over it whatever you decide. It’s hormones. But your child will be fine, there will be no difference in bonding.

Also in my opinion expressing is the worst of both worlds as it’s so time consuming. I really wouldn’t recommend it if you have an older child too. But I know it works for some people so just do what works for your family