Struggling with 6 year old son

[crayon]

He is being so naughty. Each night after school he is crying and tantruming for about 40 mins and doing any and every thing he can think of for attention. A couple of Mums I know with girls are having really bad behaviour at the moment. Is this just an age thing? I wasn't expecting behaviour like this for at least another 6 years .

Is anyone else going through this?

yes, mine is the same, although he has recently aquired a new brother. I think it maybe that and the fact that his older brother is 13 nine and can be a stroppy rzl at times.
Is yours an older year 1 or a younger year 2?

Is he happy at school?

TM - he is a young Y2, but they are split by age, which helps. We had attention seeking after the arrival of his baby brother last year too, but I expected that. It is this out of the blue that is so unexpected because we were all having such a good time, I thought, now that DS3 is sleeping a bit.

Emmaagain - he is having a few issues with friends, but I know that some of these issues were resolved today and yet we had a real performance tonight.

I'm so pleased (in a way) that there are other mum's going through this! I thought I was alone. I've had a brief look at a book called 'Your child at 6' and it describes said child as bi-polar! He is so happy most of the time but when I ask him to do anything he has this enormous rage and can't explain why when he's calmed down. I am on my own (widowed) and just at my wits end with it.

He is hungry/thirsty/tired/growing/getting used to being in year 2, (which is a hell of a shock for most children, and particularly for boys).

He needs a quiet, peaceful sit down, a drink and a snack on return from school, with nobody telling him to do anything until he has had a breather.

He is only 6.

Oh - and to be IN BED by 7pm.

Barbiehair - I am sorry, I have just read your post. So sorry that you are on your own, that must be very tough. I don't mean to be nosy, but is your loss recent? I just wonder if your ds's "enormous rage" is linked to that?

Crayon - perhaps he is missing you all day?

Could you sit down quietly with him when you get in and ask him about his day? Are you getting in from school and then rushing around preparing food and dealing with siblings? is there any way you could reorganise that? Or are you out at work all day and collecting everybody at the same time?

sorry - I read your op in a hurry, on my way to bed last night and have just revisited it this morning.

I have 3dcs. 2 boys 16 and 18 and a nine yr old dd. I remember the coming home from work, collecting from school, picking up baby from CM as being a really difficult time. Everybody tired, hungry and all wanting my undivided attention.

I had a good friend who was a speech therapist visiting me at that time, and she advised me to put very quiet, soothing music on in the background, have a snack ready for everyone, and, instead of expecting the boys to sort themselves out, to all sit down quietly for about half an hour and have a drink and a snack together, and allow the boys to take turns to tell me about their day. they were then happy to get on with homework etc while I bathed dd etc.

Hi
My husband died 14 mnths ago but was very ill for 16 months before that so have dealt with everything since then. I don't think it's related to his death, I think he has a really bad temper when he's tired. I like the idea of sitting down together when they get home from school and will try it from tonight! Warm milk and lemon drizzle cake, anyone?

I would be interested in the book about being 6. Have not heard of that one. I have a 6 year old too who is challenging me and I am failing.

Hello again Barbiehair. So very sorry to hear about your situation.

On a practical note, tiredness is responsible for so many problems. Making the whole bedtime routine start an hour earlier can work wonders, as can the quiet time on return from school.

I've ordered the book from the US as it's an American (I think) publication. Consequently, it seems to be taking an age to arrive or maybe it just feels that way. If it's any good I'll put another post up. I've also ordered the Your Child at 7 which is telling me to expect a quiet but worried creature. The book is called Your Six Year Old: Loving and Defiant by Louise Bates Ames. You can read part of the book too probably just to get you to buy the thing.

I also have a troublesome 6 year old (borthday end January- thank goodness). I agree tiredness, esp. as the nights draw in and their body clocks adjust. (BArbie-It's also Christmas prep. season at school and could he be feeling the loss of his daddy then I wonder?)

I also ahve a seven year old, and the age seems to be very much when 'big boy-ness' kicks in, if they ahev a separate Juniors the teachers often start ushing for mroe independence in preparation for transition; but I do think that generally it is a time of change- they lose intrest in babyish things and move on. 7 is a MUCH better year ime (however I have another son, a 4 year old, and a male baby due in amrch so no doubt will have much mroe advice in a decade LOL)...

I fyou had a baby last year, is said baby now crawling/walking/being more active? Might be one reason for more attention seeking.

Cake, milk and computer cave time have worked wonders for my boy. However, my 4yr old daughter has decided to re-style her hair tonight. Appointment booked for tomorrow after school. You have to laugh sometimes...

Thank you everyone for replying - sorry I haven't been back before .

Barbiehair, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It mush be very very hard.

Interestingly, finding out about his issues with friends lanced the boil, as it were, and I spent most of Monday night (in the night) with him complaining about having a tummy ache and eventually got him to open up at about 3am. It turns out that his best friend has moved on and a number of other boys are avoiding him at school, leaving him very isolated.

He is normally a happy chappy; if we go to the park and see someone from school, he invariably trots off and plays. His confidence, however, completely drained away and we have had one hell of a week. School are now aware and have been brilliant.

I had just assumed it was awkward 6yr old behaviour, but I am so so glad we delved deeper. In hindsight it has been going on for weeks, but at a slow pace, escalating this week.

At the week-end we gave him a metal cash box with a key and suggested he write anything down that was making him sad and put it in the tin. He is in charge of the key and can talk to us about the things in it when he wants, at which point we throw away the paper, or have a bonfire. It was this that got the ball rolling really.

7pm bed 3littlefrogs? Does everyone else put their 6yr old to bed at that time?

Thanks all again for your thoughts.

it's a hormone rush. my normally easy to get to bed 6 year old is still rooting round the logo box. he answers me back and when i tell him off, he just repeats back what i've just said.

it's testing my patience!

lego not logo

I am quite old - and therefore probably oldfashioned! I am convinced that a lot of behavioural problems are due to not enough sleep and overstimulation. And yes, I really do believe (and experience has borne this out) that 7pm is a perfectly reasonable time to put a 6 year old to bed.

I put my 9 year old to bed at 8pm. She has a very busy day, getting up at 7 am, and she simply couldn't cope if she went to bed any later. She reads for a little while or listens to a story or music CD, but she is relaxing and unwinding, rather than collapsong in exhaustion.

I also think regular time to chat and really listen to what your child is communicating - (which may not necessarily be what they are saying), is an essential part of every day.

Life these days is lived at such a frenetic pace, nobody has time to pay enough attention to their children. (I don't mean you, crayon, just making a general statement). Communication with one another is such an important life skill, and one that is increasingly being lost as we all interact with machines most of the time.

Building up the habit of comfortable communication with our children pays dividends in the teenage years.

Sorry for the long lecture, but this is a subject dear to my heart

I think your solution for your ds is brilliant . I am so glad you have got to the bottom of the problem.

3littlefrogs - how do you get your '3 little frogs' to bed by 7pm though?

DS only does one after school club, but my DH works away a lot and by the time we are home from school, half way decent supper cooked, bath, reading etc, it is way later than 7pm. How do you manage 1:1 proper communication with the other two around? I have yet to manage to do this properly and consistently. Week-ends maybe, but week-nights are really frantic as it is.

Hi crayon. My dh never got home till at least 9 pm when my boys were small. (I know it is really hard, and I don't think it is possible to change everything at once).

I have a large gap between my dss and my dd, so I just had the boys for a long time.

I was lucky to work part time so I could collect them from school - getting home by 4pm. We could sit down and have a drink and a chat for about half an hour.

I used to prepare meals in advance...during the week we always had things like casserole, pasta with sauce, macaroni cheese etc, and I used to give them their evening meal at 5 pm, they were always hungry! So all I had to do was stick the food on a plate! We used to have roast dinners etc at weekends.

I used to put them in the bath together at 6pm, and read stories after that. Homework used to be done between getting home and having their dinner. However, once ds1 got a bit older, he would do his homework while I read to ds2. I used to get them to read me a story in bed - it was very relaxing and not a chore.

I can even remember when dd was a baby, ds2, who was then 7, used to sit in the bath holding her while I washed them both, and ds1 would be doing his homework just outside the bathroom door!

One thing we didn't do, and still don't, (or at least only very rarely if someone is ill, is early evening TV). It is such a distraction and a waste of time.

My house is and was always a bit of a muddle, but no-one can do everything!

3littlegrogs - thanks for that. I guess our routine isn't so much different, I just need a few more hours in the day. Various medical things take precedence so we have less time to play with.

I understand crayon - everybody's circumstances are different. I guess the way to go would be to see if you could avoid having to cook a meal from scratch on week nights. My dss would have destroyed the house if I had turned my back to try to cook . Lovely boys but extremely lively. I used to cook huge amounts of easily re-heatable stuff on a couple of nights once they were asleep and freeze portions. I used to get it out first thing in the morning. I just found it too stressful to prepare food when they were around.

You could aim to bring bed time forwards by 5 or 10 minutes per night.

Of course, every child and family is different - I can only say what worked for me.