Tips on how to deal with and manage toddler tantrums

[FizzyFranticMe]

My 21 month old dd has been throwing constant temper tantrums all weekend and I no longer know what to do with her as when she starts another tantrum there’s no way to settle her.
Does anyone have any tips on how to survive this stage?

Following I'm
In the same boat!

Ds is the same age, so following for ideas.

I have started sitting on the floor next to him and asking talking to him about anything, he's a huge fan of animals, so I get him to make animal sounds, I name the animal and he makes the noise. It calms him down and then I can talk to him properly and ask what's wrong, obviously at 21 months I don't get a full conversation, but I can ask questions and he will say yes or no. Generally it's because he's overwhelmed or tired or just wants something.

I can't say I'm a fan of this stage to be honest

Thank god I’m not the only one! We’re lucky if we can go one hour without a tantrum at the moment

Either distract or if they are beyond that then stay near by sitting on the floor until they can be distracted or need a cuddle.

I used to sit next to him until he stopped, not saying anything as it was a further wind up for him, waited til he stopped, than gave him a cuddle and moved on. No point rehashing it, or asking for explanations, just reassurance and no drama.

@Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese has the right idea. The best way to deal with any child having a tantrum is to use distraction. if its at nhome, sit down within their hearing and start playing with one of their toys / reading their favbourite story etc Dont try to engage them, just wait for them to come to you. Dont hold them, it makes it worse, and dont tell them to stop. It will pass!

Just coming out the other side of this so I can agree with some of the advice already given.
Get on their level, make sure they know they are being heard as they are trying to communicate with you and just don't know how, don't shout back, talk slowly and quietly over and over , you'll think they're not hearing you for a while but they will eventually calm down enough to hear what you're saying. Be available to them, so don't walk off ( unless you need to catch a breather) let them know that however much they scream you are still there and love them and ready for cuddles.
If you can get them on your lap when they calm a little getting their head on your chest to listen to your heart beat is amazing at calming them when angry or upset.

Try and keep your cool- don't worry about other people if you're in public. Try and understand they are trying to deal with their thoughts and feelings and asking you how to do it.

Identify the triggers, prevention ( as far as possible) is better than cure. Hungry? Maybe needs food little and often, feed before the hunger starts. Wants something he can't have? Remove it completely from the living space. Wants to go outside and you can't be bothered? Distract with something else (easy to do at this stage). Hates the supermarket? Don't take him.

Agree with previous posters, these are impulsive reactions that the toddler can't control, so while the tantrum is occurring, remove any danger and let them let their feelings out, calmly offering words of comfort. When they are calm, recap what happened with them, "I know you wanted to play out, I know it made you sad/angry when we couldn't go outside, it's ok to get angry sometimes" and give them a hug and if they are old enough explain some other ways they can manage their angry feelings, like "you can stomp your feet and take big breaths but hitting mummy is never ok" etc . And hang in there, it gets better!!

I used to absolutely completely ignore it and not engage until it was over. I have had to leave a supermarket with wailing Dts one under each arm. Just picked them up and put them in the car. Thankfully the phase didn't last long.

That is great advice from @thisisyourwakeupcall and @arcof

I feel so sorry for my DD when she's having a tantrum, it must be awful for them having these completely overwhelming emotions for the first time. I just kneel down next to her and say "I know, I'm here" on repeat and try to rub her back to calm her down. Her longest one went on for 25 mins, I thought I was going to go insane! Had to dig very deep that time!

As others have said a) avoid situations that lead to tantrums as much as possible. B) try and distract or compromise if one is on its way. eg if they don’t want to get in the buggy you say if you get in quick you can have a drink/crisps/biscuit/whatever works or if they don’t want to do something have a race who can do it the fastest or if you are good in shop/dentists/wherever you can have a special drink/crisps/whatever when we have finished.

It’s bloody hard though especially when you are knackered