Am I being a bad mum letting my toddler have cereal for lunch at his request?

[DictatorToddler]

Where do you draw the line? Most of the time I'll serve him his breakfast/lunch/dinner and he'll eat it. Occasionally he'll ask for cheese and ham for breakfast. Occasionally he'll ask for cereal for lunch, like today. Does stuff like this matter? I try and pick my battles, he's only just turned two so he's too little to understand reason, and when he's clearly communicating he wants cereal and is being presented with a sandwich it results in an epic meltdown and it's easier to just let him have his cereal! My mum made a comment about how he's a dictator, his way or the high way and that I'm making trouble for myself in the long term. She said the same when I offer him 2 outfits to choose between, two snacks to choose between. She said he needs to know that I'm the boss, that I need to stop asking do you want to go to the park, do you want to do colouring, she said the choices are mine to make. I don't mind though. If he says no to colouring, I'll say do you want to go for a walk, that'll then be a yes. If he says yes to going to park, we'll go. I thought it would be good for him to make choices? My mum used the lovely term of a "Little Shitler" to describe him and it's made me feel like I'm doing it all wrong.

I think bounded choices are good for toddlers. Do you want to do x or y. You are in control of what x and y is, they feel like they have a bit of a choice

As long as her diet around this was balanced then it's a no issue. You mum needs to keep her opinions to herself and thats an awful thing to call you grandson.

I think you can give him choices when it suits you. If you can just as easily go to the park than do colouring then it's fine to let him choose. If you need to be at home for a delivery or you're having a spectacularly bad day and need to get out of the house, then he has to do as he's told.

With food, I'd generally give him what the family's having, but meals that are being prepared just for him, he can choose, within reason.

I wouldn't be considering the view of anyone who called my toddler a little shitler.

Yes I only give him choices if I'm in a position to follow through with whatever he chooses, otherwise he is just told "right we're going to the shop now" etc.

He finished his cereal and is now dipping the previously rejected cheese and cucumber sandwich into his left over milk and eating it. I'm going to call that a win

Yes it did annoy me to compare a little toddler testing boundaries and expressing himself to hitler. Wasn't sure if I was being overly sensitive but good to see others agreeing it wasn't on.

I think you’ve struck a nice balance to be fair. Sensible choices of A and B for toddler when both A and B are things you are happy to do. It helps him develop thinking skills and saves a two year old from losing his shit, win win!
And as long as his overall diet is balanced then cereal for lunch is grand.

You are definitely not a bad mum. You are teaching your child both autonomy and choice within reasonable boundaries. Cereal for lunch once in a while really isn't an issue. Food is food, as long as your child has a relatively balanced diet (and I say that as a parent of a child who only ate cheese sandwiches for a month solid) it really isn't an issue.

Take your mothers comments with a pinch of salt, just because it isn't how she would parent, doesn't mean its wrong. I would however be incredibly offended at someone equating my child to Hitler for making a choice I was clearly happy to acquiesce.

Oh and my mum doesn’t always agree with my parenting, she’s made the ‘rod for your back’ comments lately about DDs sleep. I asked her, nicely, to not say these things as parenting is hard enough and I am content with my choices. And that her saying these things comes across as a criticism.

Little Shitler is awful. Comparing him to Hitler and calling him a shit! I think your choices are fine, your mum not so fine.

Honestly if my mum compared my child to Hitler I would laugh in her face and ask her to give her head a wobble. Ridiculous.

Bounded choices are exactly what you should be doing, when you can. If you're offering a choice for meals I would tend perhaps to do that before they sit down to eat - so I would have had the cereal or sandwich convo before you made the sandwich - but that's because I hate waste so much. But you do you, and it sounds like you're doing great. Little Shitler indeed, what a lot of bobbins!

Did you ask your mum for her opinion? Is she just volunteering it? Tell her she can keep it to herself unless you ask. I’m sure you don’t follow her round her home and life making comment. That’s your main issue here, that your mum feels like she can criticise you and your son repeatedly and youll take it and listen to her.

It also makes no sense because she’s suggesting that instead of ‘little shitler’ who is choosing between two options and everyone’s happy, instead you should say what happens and when it happens and how it happens and he gets on with it even if he’s unhappy...what system does that sound like...

If you and your son are happy I don’t see the issue. I maybe wouldn’t let it become a pattern in that you present a meal and he asks for something else. But if he says he wants x for lunch or breakfast and you have that / can provide that then why not, who decides what is breakfast food or lunch food?!
I agree, Definitely pick your battles!

I think it's ok as long as he has varied diet but start to worry if he becomes really faddy and will only eat one type of food...some children genuinely become quite restricted in a diet but that could be due to underlying sensory issues... Key is to not get too stressed about food and continue offering choices....even foods he's not keen on.. Carry on offering things your like him to try but don't force...

Can your mum not see the irony here that she’s actually dictating to you how you should parent. She’s had her turn at parenting, now it’s yours. It’s fine to give kids some choice although I did what a pp said, I often gave a choice of 2 or 3 things for lunch etc to save any issue if they asked for something I didn’t have or wasn’t suitable. But it’s up to you how you do things.
Love that he’s now dipping his sandwich in his cereal milk. 😂 Yum. 🤢 But definitely a win😂

With 5 children I learned not soon enough that so long as it's classed as a.good meal it doesn't matter what time of the day it's had. So cereal at teatime and sandwich for breakfast? Absolutely fine!

I think she's outdated. It used to be taught that once children get to around 2 you must crack down on every kind of "bad behaviour" and only through consistency and firmness would it go away, if you do not crack down on it then it will get worse and this is the cause of e.g. demanding bratty 8 year olds/stroppy teenagers/inflexible adults.

Whereas the understanding now is more that it's perfectly developmentally appropriate for toddlers to be demanding and rigid (among other "bad behaviours"), and that they will eventually mellow out quite naturally as they mature and grow. Making EVERYTHING into a battle ends up being counterproductive. It's also recognised that the causes of bad behaviour beyond what is age appropriate are complicated and not always to do with parenting.

It's still important to have boundaries of course - there is no sense bending your entire life around a 2 year old, and you are still responsible for making sure he has access to a balanced diet. It wouldn't be appropriate for example to let him eat cereal for every single meal ever, because he does need to eat some protein and fruit/veg as well, but as a one off for lunch? It doesn't matter. Pick your battles. The immediate priority is that he's not hungry. The longer term goal is that he gets a balanced diet - over a week/few days/etc.

Bending to his every whim would also be counterproductive - he needs opportunities to experience not getting what he wants and learning to cope with that appropriately. But since there are plenty of opportunities to stand your ground that present themselves with toddlers, there's really no need to manufacture them by making up spurious reasons to say no all the time.

Your mum is wrong and a bit of a dick tbh

It's important to give even young children choices.

And cereal for lunch every once in a while. 😁

I bloody love porridge for lunch in winter

My ds age 3 has just finished a bowl of Rice Krispies for lunch .. yes I could have made him something else but he wouldn't have eaten it. He is literally a child who would starve rather than eat a lot of foods.
Monday - Friday he's at nursery and he gets the set dinner (and doesn't eat any of it - very occasionally he'll be eat the plain rice or a spoonful or 2 of mash at a push)
Dinners he gets offered what we are having so honestly if he wants cereal for lunch occasionally on a day weekend I'm ok with that. I reckon there's as much nutrition in it as there is in most foods he eats. (GPs helpful answer when asked about it was well he's full of energy so clearly not lacking anything and that he'll grow out of it but in the meantime not to make it into a big deal with it)
In general though I think giving choice is a good thing obv if you are in control of the choices 🙂

It’s important that children are given restricted choices from a very early age. Choosing is an important skill that doesn't just happen - how can children learn about consequences of they don’t get to make choices?

Would you like eggs or beans on toast? - good question
What would you like for dinner? - not so good question, but if they choose ice cream and are then starving hungry 1/2 hour later, they learn that sometimes they need to choose from the options given.

Would you like to wear A or B today? - good question
What would yoinked like to wear today? Recipe for disaster 🤣

When potty training my grandchildren, DD kept asking her DS - do you want a wee, want a poo, sit on the potty? He always said no. Then had an accident.
I recommended she didn't actually give him a choice here - just tell him potty time, sit him down, give him one of his cars or dinosaur toys to play with and wait for him to ‘perform’. It worked within 2 days.

I think your mum is incredibly old fashioned in her thinking tbh @DictatorToddler 🤷🏻‍♀️ She sounds like a “ children should be seen and not heard” type 🙄

Completely agree with @Sh05 - as long as your toddler is eating a balanced diet, does it really matter what time of day it’s at? 😊 within reason of course...nobody wants to be having to prep a 3 course dinner at 7am because it’s what the toddler demands for breakfast 🤣🤣 I’m partial to a bit of cereal for lunch sometimes myself 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

As for choices of activities etc...as far as I’m concerned that’s exactly what you should be doing, where you can of course 😊 why not teach them to make choices?
It’s exactly the way I intend to parent my DS 😊 you sound like a great mum OP 😊

Da would happily eat weetabix for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He's not fond of hot meals and prefers cereals, crackers, sandwiches and fruits, veggie sticks, cheeses. Weetabix for dinner once in a while isnt an issue and he certainly never gets constipated the last two days I've had Rice Krispies for lunch. That will happen again in a few years. It's not an issue. Your mum should mind her own business.

You have proved your own point: by not making food into a battleground he has chosen to eat his cheese and cucumber sandwich.

Your Mum’s language for a small child is simply horrible.

I have found that giving then a bit of choice / control really helps on the situations where they can't. For example what is for dinner is non negotiable, where they sit at table and their plate choice is. More choices given at breakfast, lunch if time and available.

Too many choices and they don't know where to look. Sometimes after a few years of being able to pick their own clothes I get "mummy you pick" 😂

Why is your mother saying such vile things about a baby??!!! I would be more worried about that than cereal and I would not accept insults directed at my child like that from anyone.

Does she also speak to you this way?

Pick your battles!

Toddlers love to feel they have autonomy and control over their lives (because these are new experiences for a nearly 2 year old!) so getting to make choices about their food and clothing is a great way to get them to healthily express this. My DC get choices about everything. My toddler actually had 2 tooth brushes and 2 coats, so instead of a battle over these he gets a choice! The toothbrushes are the same but different colours. It works on my older DC too. I like to have a choice as an adult too, even between two items which are identical except for a different flavour or colour. It's nice to have little ways of expressing your self, your sense of identity and having different ways to express different moods. Toddlers are just developing those skills so they need those little decisions even more!

Kids function in a much more playful and experimental way to us. Food needs to have those aspects. I think an inflexible approach to food is a recipe for disaster with kids. I let my DC experiment with different combinations. I like to give them a little bit of lots of things, if I put a chicken Caesar salad on a plate they would probably reject it, but give them some cut up veg, croutons, Parmesan shavings and strips of chicken with a pot of dressing as a dip, and watch them get messy, creative and well fed a variety of foods.