Gender fluidity

[dorris88]

So my 19 YO sister in law l, who works In 'busy bees' nursery's, has said to me that I'm parenting wrong and this is her opinion;

'I think parents who bring their kids up as a girl or a boy are torturing their child to decide on a gender they don't want'

Is it just me who thinks this is utter bo**ox? 😂

I grew up as a die hard Tom boy. I wore trousers to primary school, despised dresses, wanted to rough and tumble. However I never questioned my gender or wanted to be different.

I really don't get this new agenda

I think provided you're not wrestling a dolly off a boy or a truck off a girl you're fine. "Allowing" a child to be a tomboy is the same as allowing children to be gender fluid these days imo.

I am sick to the back teeth of hearing about gender fluidity. The kids will let us know if there's a problem. In the meantime you just parent as you see fit.

I'd be interested to hear the 19 year olds opinion when she has a child of her own.

She's conflating sex (a biological, unchangeable reality which matters not a jot in some circumstances and greatly in others) with gender (reliance on sexist stereotypes).
If you're avoiding sexist stereotypes as much as you can then I don't think you've got anything to worry about.

Liking a certain type of toys, clothes, or having a certain type of personality doesn't affect whether one is a boy or a girl.

I'd be interested to hear the 19 year olds opinion when she has a child of her own.

That would involve the 19yo knowing whether they and their partner were a boy or a girl, so unlikely to happen...?

@Di11y

I think provided you're not wrestling a dolly off a boy or a truck off a girl you're fine. "Allowing" a child to be a tomboy is the same as allowing children to be gender fluid these days imo.

This is my point. No one made girls wear dresses and vice versa when I was young so why is it a big thing now?

I disagree that gender fluidity should be normalised in children. Scientifically you should be told what you are. You can never argue with science. If my daughter decides she feels she should be a boy, no one would stop her, but when she asked me why she doesn't have a Willy like her brother and dad i replied 'cos your a girl and we have minis' because that's exactly the truth 😅!

@CardinalLolzy

She's conflating sex (a biological, unchangeable reality which matters not a jot in some circumstances and greatly in others) with gender (reliance on sexist stereotypes). If you're avoiding sexist stereotypes as much as you can then I don't think you've got anything to worry about.

Liking a certain type of toys, clothes, or having a certain type of personality doesn't affect whether one is a boy or a girl.

What's avoiding sexist stereotypes? Lol because when I found out I was having a girl I went out and bought loads of girly clothes. I'm actually disgusted by pink personally but frilly tops etc - hell fckn yes!

Imagine a world where everyone wears dull clothes to avoid being 'stereotypical'

Wear what clothes she likes! I find pink incredibly dull but that's just my taste. Loads of boys clothes get v dull once theyre older than 7 or so too. Avoiding stereotypes doesnt mean grey, just don't assume anything is "for" her or " not for" her solely because she's female.

Gender fluidity just means how much you feel masculine or feminine and that this isn't necessarily fixed over time.
You can be male and masculine, male and feminine, and vice versa, and anything in between. It's all socially constructed stuff and the signifiers change over time and in different countries.

Eh. Just make sure kids are exposed to a wide range of toys and styles (not just "gender appropriate" ones) then let them play with what they want and wear what they want. No need to stick a label on it.

P.s. YABU to call it a mini!

@CoalCraft

P.s. YABU to call it a mini!

Second that!

Am looking for a new nursery ATM, will avoid busy bees thanks 👍

I identify as a stunning and brave gender non-conforming parent - assigned male at birth but I do most of the cooking and cleaning, maybe the Drs got it wrong?

Lol because when I found out I was having a girl I went out and bought loads of girly clothes. I'm actually disgusted by pink personally but frilly tops etc - hell fckn yes!

That is probably what your SIL is referring to because that is a whole load of gender stereotyping right there. You have no idea whether your DD likes all that pink frilly stuff. You didn’t as a child so it’s kind of odd that you think she would.

@Lessthanaballpark yes but this was when her daughter and baby would have only been concerned whether she was warm and dry.

Put them in what you like until they can start to tell you. My daughter loves pink and dresses, fine, hates trousers (has the opinion to wear them), fine, loves mud, trucks and dinosaurs, fine, wants to nickname her unborn baby brother ‘sparkle’, also fine.

Her mind would be blown by us. DD is going to have a load of egregiously pink and purple gear inherited from her big brother, who likes pink and purple.

He also likes wheeled vehicles and shooting games and in no way identifies as a girl. Who knew 🤷‍♀️

@Lessthanaballpark

Lol because when I found out I was having a girl I went out and bought loads of girly clothes. I'm actually disgusted by pink personally but frilly tops etc - hell fckn yes!

That is probably what your SIL is referring to because that is a whole load of gender stereotyping right there. You have no idea whether your DD likes all that pink frilly stuff. You didn’t as a child so it’s kind of odd that you think she would.

Lmao she was I my womb when I went shopping I'm sure she didn't give a toss what colour her baby grows were 😅

Or you can, you know, let kids express themselves how they want without labels - including 'gender fluid'. Not that many people are actually every archetype of their gender anyhow.

DD (12) is v interested in identity right now and has wondered if she is gender fluid but I have been gently encouraging her, while she still respects my opinion , to consider the fact the we will do more smash gender stereotypes if we own our sex and say 'I am male/female but I don't have to be/present a certain way on account of that' than if we put ourselves in a category where we just opt out of gendered identities.

@Echobelly

Beautifully put

@Echobelly very well said. My DD is the same age as yours and is also questioning her sexuality. Mainly because she's not and never has been a girly girl. I too have advised her not to label herself just yet; just be.

I think you would be in agreement, largely, if sex and gender weren't being so commonly and wrongly conflated. Isn't this just a new way of saying don't shove gender stereotypes down a child's throat at a young age?

I grew up idolizing my big brother. I wanted to be a cowboy, and wore chaps, a leather fringed jacket and a Stetson as my go-to outfit. I saw a motorbike when I was two, and was never more excited - my favourite toy was a ride-on, plastic, peddle motorbike. I loved Legos, toy cars, toy soldiers, cricket and football. But simultaneously I loved my dolls, wearing pretty hair clips, pressing flowers and learning to do embroidery.

I think it would be a huge step forward if baby and toddler clothes weren't so markedly gendered, perhaps just one big department of Clothes, full stop. Ditto toy manufacturers and sellers could stop making the "girls" toys sit in bright pink boxes on bright pink shelves.