Father not with baby for a few months

[Thinkingofhome]

Hi All

First time post but longtime lurker here.

I am currently pregnant and my family are all based overseas and my DH and I are based in the UK. I am thinking of heading back for 1-2 months during my maternity leave so that our baby can meet my family. Thing is my husband won't be able to take that much time off work. Our baby will be about 5 months then.

Will this cause potentially bonding issues with DH, being away for say 2 months? My DH said he is ok with us being away for that long - I haven't been back for almost two years and with Covid haven't seen my parents for a long while (i'll be staying with family). DH also has exams so i am trying to time it so that DH can have some quiet moments to prepare for exams.

Thoughts?

My dad was in the army and I could go up to a year not seeing him as a child. We are incredibly close.

Plus I don't actually remember the times he was away when I was a baby so I'm sure your baby won't either.

My DH is in the Army. He was abroad from when DD1 was 10 days old until 5 months, from when DD1 was 14 months until 22 months, meeting DD2 at two weeks old, then went away again a few months later (Actually within UK that time).

He has never had any bonding issues. They've always been Daddy's girls. His trips away affect them more now they are older than they did as babies.

If your baby learns to develop a secure bond with you they will be able to form secure attachments with others in their life. It sounds like this will work out well for both of you if you can see your family and he can prepare for his exams although I am sure he will miss you both and you will miss him.

Lots of dads work away or work such long hours that even if they are home, have minimal input with baby at times. Whether people like it or not baby only really needs one primary cater at this point (preferably mum)

Thanks all - very reassuring comments. I was worried about this - we will obviously keep in touch using video calls and things but it won't be the same. hoping the baby is basically too young anyway and will be able to bond properly when we are back. DH wants to be involved as much as possible but i've never been off work for so long so it just sounds like a good chance for me and baby to spend time with family really!

We live in the US and all family are in UK. Up until covid id go over with the kids and stay with family for at least 3-6 weeks every year. DH would usually come for a week or 2, but could easily not see the kids for up to a month depending on what the plans were. First trip was when Dc1 was 5 months old.

My kids are obsessed with him and it doesn’t seem to have made any difference to bonding

If he's a good, involved dad when he's there then long-term it will work out totally fine, but I'd be prepared for the baby to not "know" him when he sees him again, which could be upsetting for your DH at the time.