Advice needed of how to answer daughters questions about having a sibling

[Welshmama185]

Hi just wondering if anyone has any advice. So my dd is 5, she's recently been asking for a baby brother or sister.

Bit of my history.... Eptopic pg and lost my tube, then a miscarriage, the birth of my dd, another miscarriage, followed by 2 more ectopic. I had the dye test back a few years ago that showed a lot of damage in my remaining tube. The specialist told me it would be a very slim chance of being able to conceive naturally again, she gave me information about ivf. Not long after this my dd dad and I split up.

Anyway like I said earlier she keeps asking for a baby, I've explained that a baby needs a mummy and a daddy. She seems to accept it but still asks.

I've just found out my sister is pg with her 3rd child, it has come out of the blue with her having 2 older children. She's only a few weeks along but I'm starting to worry about how my dd will feel when she finds out. I know she's going to have questions like why can (cousin name) have a new brother or sister and I can't?

Has anyone been in a similar situation and can share how they dealt with it or has any tips for me. Thanks xx

Have you got any particular worries about just explaining the above in a way your daughter can understand? “Mummy probably can’t have any more babies because the part of my tummy where babies grow doesn’t work anymore. That makes you extra special and I am very lucky to have you.”

That's what I'm pondering at the moment if I should tell her the truth. Part of me thinks I should but then on the other hand I think she's only 5, she shouldn't have that kind of thing put on her. She's a very intelligent little girl who would understand. I just worry if i tell her will I regret it? Thanks for responding she is my special girl and I tell her everyday I'm so lucky to have her xx

I think it's best to tell the truth at her level. It won't be long before she realises babies aren't always born to mummy and daddy families! Children are able to process things like this as long as they are told in a matter of fact way with no fuss.

Just tell the truth. It doesn't have to be a big deal
Tell her it's unlikely you can have children and if she asks you can tell her why, the truth and also that you don't have a man to have one with. That's what i'd do to be honest.

I would say to her that some women have lots of babies, some have none, some have one. You had one, and look what a special one you had! Lots of good things about having one and you can get to enjoy the new cousin.

You are overthinking. Just tell your 5 year old that you won't be having another baby, just as you would tell them you won't be getting a puppy if she asked for one. The rest of it is all adult stuff.

Another vote for just telling her the truth in an age appropriate way. Why do you feel like you might regret it?

I think best to just tell her. She will probably just say ok and carry on with what she’s doing. If she is a very clever little girl it’s only a matter of time before she starts with mental gymnastics when trying to work out why other kids at school have just a mummy but have siblings too!

Another vote for just tell her in an age appropriate way. I've seen some lovely books online about how families come in all different shapes and sizes so maybe something like that would help you talk to her about it.

Another vote for telling the truth. My DD is 4, and kept asking for a sibling. After my 3rd miscarriage, I told her about my lost babies and how that made her really special. She accepted this. Every now and then she does ask me to tell the story of my other pregnancies, which I am happy to. Might be worth bearing in mind if you would find this painful. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Hmm, my only child dd never actually expressed a desire for a sibling, but I think @Phiphi123's explanation sounds perfect.

I'm a big fan of always telling dc the truth about difficult subjects, in an age appropriate way. I don't think you can go wrong with this tbh.

Thank you so much for all your replies. I will have a chat with her about it. I know it will help in the long run. Again thank you all for advice & opinions xx