Worried about only child

[Lou1987123]

Hi,
Any advice welcome. I have a 12 year old, still with her Dad and we are 34. Recently iv been thinking about having another but I think do we really want to start all over again. One thing that worries me is that when DD starts to not need us as much what will we do with our time when all our friends have younger kids and we will be just over 40 . Ideally I should of had one closer to her age but it was never the right time.

Thanks,
Kerry

I wouldn't have another child now just to fill your time. You'll have plenty to do in your 40s if you haven't got a baby or small child to look after. There are so many places to go to and so many things to see.

Thank-you, do you have children?

Yeah I do and I'm in my 50s and had them probably just a little older than you are now. My friends who had them in their 20s are having their freedom now and thoroughly enjoying it

I agree, the reasons you mention don't seem to be a good reason for having another child. Do you actually want another one? It doesn't really sound like it tbh.

Life does change as your dc get older, but just have to adapt and grow with them. Our dd is nearly 16 now. I still spend a lot of time with her, but obviously she is often busy with other things, and I'm very much aware that she'll be off to university soon. I think it's important to have a plan for how to fill that gap, but starting again with a new child wasn't on my list. Surely you'd just end up with the same problem again in a few years time?!

You could fill that time with work/starting a new business; voluntary work; hobbies, new or old; travel; house & garden projects; time with friends; writing a novel or painting a masterpiece....you get the picture.

Have another baby if you really want one, but please don't have one because you can't think what else to do.

And don't feel like you need to have another child in order to "give" your dc a sibling. She will be just fine without one.

Thank-you for that reply that makes alot of sense, I think my brain is just going through a funny time, do you only have one ?

Yes, only one. Not by choice (secondary infertility), but actually, it was for the best, and I'm very happy with how things worked out.

I am glad to hear that it all worked out for the best. Thanks again for the advice

We had our children when we were young and by the time we were in our forties they were away at university. We were able to concentrate on our careers, our friends and having some good holidays abroad. I am amazed to think that my son is in his late forties with three children still at school. I think you have to accept that life goes in stages and just look forward to the next one, rather than trying to recreate what you had before.

I'm an only child and absolutely loved it, I would have hated it if my parents had had another baby when I was 12 😂 why don't you start thinking about all the things you can do when your daughter is older, child free trips to the Maldives, spontaneous nights away or dinners out etc. If you have another baby now that will all be on hold for 18 years!

Thanks everyone for comments making me feel a lot better

At your stage of the game I wouldn't want to go back to nappies and sleepless nights, however I am me, not you.

It is quite normal to feel broody at various times but doesn't mean having a baby would be a good move.

Enjoy your life and the one child you have.