5 year old with autism hating school ever since being ill - help!

[Chris2315]

Hi everyone, I have a 5 year old son who was diagnosed with autism in November last year, although it had been suspected for a while due to a severe speech delay and other characteristic behaviours. He started mainstream school last September and has a 1-to-1 there to help him, which up until February this year has been going amazingly well - he was surprising everyone and settled in very well, he was enjoying playing with others and really enjoyed it. However, in February this year he become a bit unwell with a heavy cold and a cough - he wasn't himself and was clingy to his 1-to-1, and he coughed so much in school that he made himself sick, so we went to pick him up. We also took him to have a COVID test, which he obviously hated but was fine 5 minutes later. The test came back negative, and after a few days off he went back to school.

Since then, he has not been himself at school at all - a few times he has made himself sick there, and he tells us he doesn't want to go - every morning he's screaming when we take him into school. His teacher think he's dwelling on the fact he was ill and not quite over it mentally, and thinks he shouldn't be there, and I think I agree as he suffers from anxiety a lot and worries about everything.

We're at a loss of how to help him now, we had a call again earlier from his teacher saying he's made himself sick again but says that she thinks he needs to stay in which I agree with too. I've tried talking to him to tell him he's fine now, and he'll tell us he'll be good the next day but when it comes to actually going the next day it all starts again. In the night sometimes he'll want to put Vick (vapor rub) on his chest even though we tell him he's not got a cough, and he'll also pretend to cough too.

I've tried taking away his iPad etc if he's naughty but nothing is working :( It's really upsetting as he used to love school so much, and it's brought him on so well and we'd hate to have to take him out of mainstream education when we know if he can get over this he's great there.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? I'm going to try again to sit down with him and try to work out what's upsetting him but I don't expect much success!

My five year old has been referred into the diagnosis process for ASD, but we don’t have a diagnosis yet. He found it hard to go back to school after he was allowed back in March and we did have some days of screaming before going back in. It has gradually got better as he’s got used to it again. We stick to a rigid routine in the morning so that he knows what to expect. A treat while getting his shoes on.

Has your son’s teacher made any suggestions? It can be so hard to know how to help.

I have taught many autistic children and from my experience, i have seen what I am about to describe with the most severe of cases. Many autistic children don't like change - it causes stress. So, ask your school for a phased return. Liaise with the SENCO. Explain the situation. Try one hour of school a day to start with for 1 or 2 weeks. The goal is not the National Curriculum at this time. The goal is to create comfort and safety and routine. Ask for your child to do primarily activities they specifically like - preferably with a peer and/or TA they they like too. Ensure the child has a quiet place to go AT ANY TIME at school. Perhaps a room painted blue with minimal decor or signage, with cushions to sit on and books to enjoy. Celebrate success. Then gradually increase the time to 2 hours, 3 hours, etc. If too stressful, cut it back again. If working, phase in inclusion with other children as soon as possible. Although being amenable to these needs, remember that you are in charge, not the child. It might take 3 weeks or it might take 6 months, but the key is that the school must understand and supports fully. No 'punishments' or detentions. Praise for attendance. Provide an attendance passport, whereby the child records progress (attendance) and gets rewarded for each 5 days in a row with no fuss. Remember each day is a fresh start, so if all is going well today, don't talk about yesterday's failure. Keep calm. Model calm. Be in control and have firm boundaries.
If the school can't support you, then talk with SENCOs from other schools until you find a more suitable place, but try to avoid sudden changes. Set up routines that earn praise. Also, every child is different, so what I have seen work for some, doesn't work for all.
This is not advice, as I have typed it hastily. Sorry its just thrown together. Nonetheless, I think this is the most likely to work. Hope it makes sense. Also, a good key worker or TA could try to observe behaviours. Perhaps there is another reason for not wanting to go in. Maybe it is a smell or a noise. Maybe another student taps their pen annoyingly on the desk, or the teacher has a 'funny look'. So, observing could help find this out. Good luck!