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Original poster

Nursery asking me to collect toddler for fourth time

50 replies

auntcass1980 · 13/04/2021 09:13

DD been going to nursery happily for 8 months, but is going through a particularly bad period of depression anxiety. She wouldn't settle last week and was crying for a long time so the nursery asked me to come and get her, since then this has happened another 3 times. Each time I've had to leave work and take the day off to look after my child. It's happened again this morning, I only dropped her off at 8 and I'm already on my way to pick her up. She's going through a stage of not wanting to be away from me, and they are teaching her if she cries I'll come and get her. My work aren't happy with me. I have no other childcare options, this is the only nursery anywhere near my work. What do I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Same4Walls · 13/04/2021 09:44

I think because you have been able to drop work immediately and get her they have now formed the opinion that this is not a problem for you and are using this as pretty much their first resort. You need to tell the nursery in no uncertain terms that she is there because you are working.

I think this is accurate. It's obvious they aren't even trying anything to help the situation as they rang the OP only an hour after she had been dropped off.

imalmostthere · 13/04/2021 09:44

It's difficult, but what is she like when upset? If she's a bit tearful, it's not an issue, but if she's fully screaming and inconsolable then I'm not sure what else they are meant to do? They have a room of other toddlers to take care of, which they can't if yours is screaming the place down. Very much depends on context

NailsNeedDoing · 13/04/2021 09:47

I don’t think you can complain at the nursery for doing something wrong, their priority is your child, not your job. They can’t be expected to cope with a child who simply won’t stop crying after hours of trying to settle her, it’s not fair on the other children there and they just don’t have the staff to regularly give that level of 1-1 care to a two year old. That said, it doesn’t sound like they have tried very hard to settle your dd if they have only given it an hour. If they have given up that quickly I can only imagine she really is very upset.

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AnneElliott · 13/04/2021 09:49

I agree you need a blunt conversation with the nursery. Have they sent you a video of what she's like when she's there? I think I'd want to see if it's moaning or full on upset.

Thefaceofboe · 13/04/2021 09:52

The nursery I work at would never ask you to pick her up unless she was distraught as there’s plenty of things to try before that. We may ring as a courtesy call to let you know she’s upset. I agree that this teaches her that if she cries you will come and get her

Boboparadise · 13/04/2021 10:00

If it was a one off I would say it was acceptable to come and collect her and clearly not ok...but I agree with you..kids are smart and she now knows she has to cry to get home....as a working parent this is not acceptable at all from the nursery. They are just going to have to suck it up. I'd call them and ask for a meeting or a chat over the phone.

Dontjudgeme101 · 13/04/2021 10:02

That’s ridiculous having to pick her up 4 times in a week. Once is fine. The second time l would of asked for a meeting with the Manager to discuss this matter. Don’t let them fob you off. She might be distraught or it might be that they need to work harder to resolve this situation and maybe they just want a quiet life! I have worked in nurseries for over 20 years, so do know what l am talking about.PM me if you want.

Same4Walls · 13/04/2021 10:03

I agree with you..kids are smart and she now knows she has to cry to get home

I'd actually be very surprised that a nursery who must deal with situations like this regularly would need to be told this. It would not fill me with confidence in their understanding of small children.

Estasala · 13/04/2021 10:03

Has anything changed there, like a new carer or new room?

rainbowstardrops · 13/04/2021 10:03

Can you think of a reason why she's suddenly struggling with separation anxiety, especially as she is like this with her grandparents too?
I'd speak to the nursery manager and see what they suggest because you can't keep leaving work when she's only been at nursery for an hour or so!

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 13/04/2021 10:04

I wouldn't be happy with this. DD is 16 months and she's only ever come home once in 7 months because they couldn't settle her but turned out she was just coming down with something, but they gave her 3 hours of them trying everything before they called me. Either change nursery or have a word with them, you can't carry on leaving work and it resulting in you not having a job because they can't settle her!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/04/2021 10:05

Not acceptable. They are a nursery, they should have experienced with this. Unless she is screaming and inconsolable for hours and it's having an effect on the other children, they shouldn't be calling you back.

Amberheartkitty · 13/04/2021 10:08

My daughter was like this. Private childminder was the best option. I think she just needed more one to one and too many kids around her stressed her out.

INeedNewShoes · 13/04/2021 10:12

I'd find alternative childcare, even if means travel time.

DD wasn't happy with her childminder and my only regret is that I persevered for too long.

She now goes to a nursery a 15-minute drive away and is happy there. The difference is stark.

Chickenlickeninthepot · 13/04/2021 10:13

I'd be very unhappy about this and would be speaking to the nursery manager to see exactly what is going on. I think they know you'll come out of work so are doing that instead of sorting it themselves and it's exacerbating the problem.

Poppet55 · 13/04/2021 10:22

Has she been going to nursery during lockdown or did she have time away.? A child expert that I follow has stated children are likely to have separation anxiety again going back into the world and it’s going to be so overwhelming for them.

Original poster

auntcass1980 · 13/04/2021 10:23

Yes they still charge, but I don't get paid so it's costing me money that I'm then not earning. I really can't afford to be a stay at home mum and tbh I don't want to be I really struggled at home all day with my mental health my couple of days at work is needed

OP posts:

HeeeeeyBogie · 13/04/2021 10:23

What about a nursery closer to home?

NailsNeedDoing · 13/04/2021 10:29

Is it because she only goes a couple of days a week then? If it’s that, then it’s understandable if your dd doesn’t settle because it’s been too long since her last visit. It becomes like stating afresh every week.

Lemonandlime123 · 13/04/2021 10:31

Separation anxiety is really common. The nursery and their staff should be more than equipped to deal with this. I would be complaining to the nursery manager. Their actions will be making it worse. If your complaint isn't taken seriously I would be finding another nursery and also ensuring a formal complaint is lodged.

GoodbyeH · 13/04/2021 10:38

Do you have a partner or family or friends who can help you?

Nursingdreams83 · 13/04/2021 10:54

Get on the phone to the nursery manager and get a plan of action in place.
Maybe she could take something from home as a comfort?
It can be very distressing for other children in the room to see a child so distressed and can be very disruptive. You need to work on this with the nursery and if you can't find a workable solution then you will have to try another setting

NerrSnerr · 13/04/2021 11:07

Are you a single parent? Your child's dad should be sharing these pick ups. It's not fair to risk your job.

I agree with pp, speak to the manager and make a plan about what to do in this situation.

ceilingsand · 13/04/2021 16:43

Sometimes it's just the wrong nursery.

Forthisisnt · 13/04/2021 16:47

Childminder... not all children are suited to nursery.

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