Pui yuet - confinement nanny

[User135792468]

I have read quite a bit about the Chinese tradition of a one month confinement after giving birth. It sounds like an amazing thing, where the mother and baby are well taken care of.

Is this a thing in the UK too? Is this something that families in the Chinese community do? I love the idea for whenever we have our next baby.

Please share your experiences or knowledge as it would be much appreciated.

A friend of mine told me about this and how it is done in the Chinese culture. She was saying you can pay for this here too

I believe there are hotels in the US for the Chinese community to use for this because so many people don't have the social network to support them. I thought it sounded great!

A Rwandan friend said there women are taken care of for 3 months! It sounded brilliant..but also a big smothering.

In The Netherlands they get 7-10 days of at home assistance after giving birth - not full on like a hotel but bathroom cleaned, sheets changed, simple meals cooked.

I used this info to do fuck all other than breastfeeding and holding my baby after the second birth without feeling guilty. After my first I felt the need to show how I impacted I was by it..despite being ill. Was much more enjoyable the second time!

Sounds amazing. When my baby was born my MIL and mum basically took over all housework, cooking and laundry so all I had to do was establish feeding. It was amazing

It’s not really a one month ‘confinement’ as that makes it sound very restrictive.
You are not supposed to wash very often, or have the window open. After 12 days there is a bedside celebration with friends and family. There are some traditional foods (fatty pork, steamed fish etc) that are eaten too as they are meat to be good sustenance.

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t gone back to China or Taiwan to give birth, but I am sure there are people here who do it. It’s not uncommon for new mothers to spend a week or so at home with only immediate family attending anyway, is it?

You can hire “maternity nannies” in the uk who do this kind of thing - help establish breastfeeding, look after the mother, look after the baby so they can rest etc.

Chinese women traditionally give birth at home (less so now, Caesarians are increasingly common)

After birth the mother and baby are confined in the birthing room, washing is not allowed, ventilation is not allowed. Spousal support is limited. Specific foods must be eaten.

No it doesn't sound lovely and relaxing. It sounds a bit grim, dull and an infection risk.

You are not supposed to wash very often, or have the window open.

Urgh! Why would any new mother want this??

Sounds amazing to get that kind of support after a lockdown caection birth and having to get up straight away to do everything!

I think I would have gone round the bend with boredom
It would be nice to have had someone clean the house but in exchange for sitting in a room for a month. I would prefer to clean my house

I wrote about this at uni about a million years ago. Cultures that have defined practises around transition into motherhood eg ceremonies, rituals, support networks such as this have lower rates of post natal depression.

My friend is Indian, married to a Chinese man, both with parents living nearby and one set of parents moved in for the first month and the other for the second month. Except her mum still works so it was her dad doing all the shopping and cleaning and cooking, and her MIL looks after other grandchildren so was at PIL house during the day so again, grandad did the nappy changes and housework while she stayed in bed. It was a more modern take on both of their traditions - she definitely got to wash! - and sounded lovely.

LDom I would want to get out.
48 hours in hospital and I was climbing the walls. The last thing I wanted when coming out of hospital was to go into a self imposed lockdown in my house or have people staying

Depends on what you like. I gave birth in a country where this sort of scenario was the norm, and it was expected that the midwife would come every day to help and take on all sorts of tasks that I was perfectly capable of doing by myself. I had to pay quite a lot for the privilege (it was included in her quoted care package, payable upfront ).
I hated it. I’d be wanting to watch re runs of Eastenders and eat crisps while breastfeeding and she’d be sat there, poised, wanting to stick cabbage leaves down my bra or paint my fanny with cooling yoghurt or teach me physio moves.
In the end I just had to tell her it all made me uncomfortable and ended up paying her to leave me alone.

I’m all in favour of someone else doing all the cooking and cleaning for a month but I’d have thought that extended bed rest post partum was a DVT risk.

Would not recommend people (who are not used to the culture hire a traditional confinement lady - as expectations will differ and some customs/foods may not be as appreciated). some of the ideas are nice - like giving space for mother to recover and help with jobs. My mum helped and supported and PILs too - which was lovely. But some people value privacy and don’t appreciate it if relatives/confinement lady are opinionated (they may have opinion on what is good for baby too, especially if they have had a lot of experience).

LadyIsabellaWrotham great name!

When my DS was born, a fellow mum from our NCT group had her mum over from China for a month. It sounds nice but she found it disempowered her. Her mother kept feeding her up with big meals when she wanted to lose baby weight, and her DH was at home as well so could do nappy changes etc. whilst she caught up on sleep. Sounds great, but when she came out to a mums get together, she'd only changed one nappy in the hospital and wasn't sure how to change the bay's nappy as her DH had done it at home. If all you do is sit, sleep, eat and feed the baby, it isn't always meeting your needs as an adult woman.

I would say the ones at the NCT group I was in who had family move in for a few weeks were more stressed than those with no support and on our own.

The confinement period is meant to be a period for the mothers to recover from birth/pregnancy, with food eaten to nourish the body (think chicken soups , low fat and high iron foods). it's certainly not meant to restrict the mother - it's meant to help nurse the mother back to good health. typically mothers won't do the cooking or cleaning and yes they shower! it's actually a lovely cultural aspect - putting the mother's health a priority.

It wouldn't be for me. I've got other kids that need me to look after them. I think this would just make me dread the day I went back to normality. Just get on with it as you have to eventually.

@User135792468

I have read quite a bit about the Chinese tradition of a one month confinement after giving birth. It sounds like an amazing thing, where the mother and baby are well taken care of.

Is this a thing in the UK too? Is this something that families in the Chinese community do? I love the idea for whenever we have our next baby.

Please share your experiences or knowledge as it would be much appreciated.

South Asian people do confinement too and you can often buy these services through a doula.