Nursery for the first time 3yo

[NurseryNerves]

Hi all,

My DS 3 years old is due to start nursery next week. I only work part time so we’ve been able to cover childcare so far with grandparents, he’s never been to a nursery before.

Plan is he’ll be doing rising threes in a school based setting, 2.5 hours every afternoon.

But he’s totally against the idea!! Every time it’s mentioned he says he doesn’t want to go, that he doesn’t like the teacher (has never met her!!), that he wants to stay home. I’m on mat leave at the moment with 8mo baby, so it’s not needed for childcare but I think he’ll like it once he’s there (loves seeing other kids at the park and runs over to talk to them) and it’ll be good for him.

Due to covid we’re not allowed a visit beforehand and I’m just expected to hand him over to strangers wearing masks/visors on day 1, a totally unfamiliar place without me or familiar people. Personally I think that’s asking a lot of him but I’ve never done this before!

Does anyone have any tips as to how I can help him?

And what do I do if he point blank refuses, allow him to be carried in crying?? Or ask to try again in a few days?

Thanks!

My two have been in nursery since 6 and 9 months respectively, but he will get used to going. My DD (2) tries to hide her clothes in the morning to avoid going, but loves it when she's there. Handing them over to someone at the door in a mask is hard, but does get easier. If there's any chance, can he do mornings rather than afternoons? He'd be less tired and you haven't got the morning with him at home not wanting to go.

Thanks for your reply! I can see my DS being the same with the uniform, he was not impressed when it was delivered!!

Unfortunately they are allocated morning or afternoon and there’s no choice about it.

I might take a walk past the nursery with him this week when the kids are going in so he can see what happens. Next best thing to actually visiting before.

Not similar in age but our DC had to start nursery during the pandemic and I couldn’t physically go in so it was a quick masked hand over at the door for the setting in sessions and same again on his starting day.

First few times he wasn’t happy to go in the morning, now he’s so attached to his key worker that he’s glued to her all day when he’s there. They’re experts at setting children in, they’ll also tell you if they’ve been unhappy.

It’s definitely a scary time.

Hi, thanks for the reply, it’s good to know your DC has settled and formed a relationship with the key worker! It’s reassuring that they are the experts and I’m sure he’s not going to be the first kid who is reluctant to go in!

Would you recommend that I let him be carried off upset, or should I take him back home if he’s too upset?

It is scary, and not just for him.. I’ve been quite emotional about it! (Not in front of him though I’m trying to be very positive about it)

I work in a nursery and I’m a mum so I understand how difficult this will be for both of you. If you really think he will struggle being handed over to a stranger in an unfamiliar place ( my children would never have coped with this) then speak to the nursery see if they can let you in with him, they wont want to encourage parents to come into the building but in exceptional circumstances they should allow it. That being said I always find it remarkable how easily the majority of children settle in so well and even with a difficult start most quickly adapt and start to really enjoy themselves. It will be great for him!

DS is younger but he also started nursery during the pandemic. He sometimes gets a little upset at handover still but he calms down quickly. If he's been really upset I've called the nursery when I get home and he's always fine, he's found something or someone to play with and forgotten all about it. He's occasionally upset at pickup too but it's always because he's decided against an afternoon nap and regrets his decision.

I work in a nursery. We've been really worried about settling in our new starters due to covid restrictions.

However our September and January starters settled in brilliantly. As staff we really miss getting to know the whole family - the speedy handovers are a real pity, but from a child's perspective they have worked so well - surprisingly so and much more swiftly than when parents stayed for settling in. This is a lovely term to settle in also as there are very few new starters. The children who have been in since September are super helpful with the new ones, and the new ones feel more at ease taking their lead from their peers.

Keep an open mind and I hope your transition will be just as smooth.

Mine goes every time whether he want to or not. He's 3yo and he doesn't have the understanding to know what's best for him in this respect - I'm happy to let him choose some things but not about whether he goes to nursery or not (and in future school). I'm the mum who gets her kid pulled off her leg every morning, it's horrendous but he loves it when he's in. He loves his mates, his key workers and the space to play, and has come on leaps and bounds in terms of his development.

Would you recommend that I let him be carried off upset, or should I take him back home if he’s too upset?

With this you’ll have to judge on the day, my son is in the super clingy phase so he cries if I put him down to get a drink from the kitchen. He did the same when I would hand him over, not a hysterical but a super sad bottom lip type of face and a little noise.

They sent a picture when he was inside and he was happy and playing so I left then.

I don’t think I’d leave him if it was hysterical, some PPs have said maybe you can go in so just play it by ear.