Am I missing something ... bedtime routine 3.5 month old?

[Rastignac]

Ok, so I feel like I’ve missed something here...apologies if you all roll your eyes!

My baby (first one) is 3.5 months and I keep reading that I should be getting a bedtime routine in place (bath, story etc)

But I’m confused because obviously he’s not in his own room and always with us in the same room, i.e. downstairs until we all go to bed in our room around 10pm ish. So if I get a bedtime routine going like from 7pm or something, am I expected to then also go to bed myself at like 8.30pm and not have tea? Because it seems odd to do a whole bedtime routine then bring him back downstairs...to then transfer him back to his cot in our room upstairs 2 hours later...?

I don’t mind having to go to bed super early if that’s what it is, but just wanted to be clear...!

Like I said, I’ve probably made a fool of myself here!

Thanks so much!

No reason you can't start a little bedtime routine and place baby in crib and have tour tea downstairs as long as you have a video monitor with sound. Your baby will be perfectly safe if you are watching them and checking regularly,

I would be less inclined to leave baby with silent reflux though until a little older and it's eased/ you're weaning.

I go to bed with my 3 m/o at about 8ish at the moment, sometimes I watch something on the laptop. Sometimes I go to bed with her as I'm knackered and will have a night of wakes ahead of me. You will get your evenings back eventually, there is no rush to get them out the way and sleeping alone.

FTM here too. We kept our DS downstairs with us in the moses basket and started doing a bedtime routine after his last feed. Then we would all go to bed together. This could be anywhere from 9 to 11. We have a reflux baby and have to keep him upright for 30 mins so could never just put him down after a feed. I was really worried about not having a set routine but things change over the months so just go with the flow and do with what works for you and your baby. DS is now 5 months old and we give him a bottle around 6/7 bath him, story time and put him in his crib in our room 8.30ish. We have started putting him on the video monitor and leaving him until he wakes for his next bottle around 10ish. We only just started doing this as it was getting harder and harder for him to fall asleep downstairs in his moses basket and he is getting too big. I think there was too much stimulation. For us routines have adapted and changed as we go! It sounds like your doing a great job OP so just do what works best for you all x

@MindyStClaire Thanks for your thoughts. No, we're getting nowhere at all with the silent reflux. He's now got associated tortiscolis (holds his head wonky). We've got all the drugs, bed on an incline etc... Feeling really depressed about it all tbh.

Honestly, thank you so much everyone. I can't tell you how much even just getting this support is helping me feel better!

I'm interested that quite a few of you are bathing every night. Seems a lovely bedtime routine... but I'm actually living in France where the advice I've been given is once or twice a week only...

Argh..this is all so hard for me!

I've wondered this as well

My LO is 2 months, we get into bed around 8 and I nurse her to sleep for anytime between 8:30 and 9 she goes down. Then my partner comes to bed too.

I mean.. it is super early but she's up through the night as well so it's nice to get the sleep while we can.

I try to treat it as unwinding time by watching a bit of Outlander with my earphones, keeping lights dim and the room quiet. Perhaps when she is older I will put her down then go back down stairs but for now I'm knackered anyway!

That's so difficult. Ranitidine really helped my DD (although I know it's not available ATM) and then she did naturally improve around that age, but it does sound like you have it tougher. Honestly, you're dealing with a much tougher scenario than the typical parent who's worrying about bedtime routines. Just do what you need to to get through and then worry about routines when things are calmer. You may find you have a few hangovers from it (DD took ages to learn to go to sleep by herself as she was just so used to being held) but you'll get there and at this stage it's just about survival. I really hope you see some improvement soon.

We used to do a bedtime routine of bath, bottle and bed. But her 'bed' was her carrycot in the living room with us until we felt comfortable to leave her in her crib in our bedroom, we'd have the TV on quietly and didnt have the room really bright. We just continued the same routine, she's 16 months now and is good with bedtimes

I never had a routine of any kind with my twins until they started weaning and went into their own room, both around six months. I didn't see the point because they just napped as and when throughout the day. They stayed in their Moses baskets in the living room until we went to bed and we'd all go up together. As a PP said, we focused on keeping upstairs dark, quiet etc so they knew it was "time to sleep" when we went up there.

Once they went into their own room, I'd gradually start taking them up a little bit earlier until it got to about 7pm, which remains their current bed time now at 14 months.

They only get bathed a couple of times each week, and it's in the morning. (They do get a daily top and tail though)

I'm also fascinated by the amount of people who include bath as part of the bedtime routine. It seems so much faff to me - it's twice a week here. Also makes it much easier if we're away overnight or out for the evening.

We did bath, bottle, cuddle, bed routine from really early on. I wanted my evenings back and I'd worked out naps so that Ds was sleepy by 7:30 so was happy to go down in his bedside crib. I just put him there and then went downstairs. Monitor on. When I'd come up to bed at about 10:30/11 we did a dream feed and that'd keep him full for a while so we got a good chunk of Sleep.

It's not safe sleeping guidelines but I do think you end up having to weigh up risks and decide what works for you. Our DS would never have slept soundly downstairs whilst we were chatting and watching tv as he was so bloody alert and nosey! I also struggled and needed those few hours of space mentally.

@WaitingForNormality Thanks for your thoughts. I really feel I need some space too. As he is a reflux baby, I have to hold him the whole time he's awake, which is exhausting to say the least. He will sleep for a few hours at the start of the night though, which is why I'm considering whether I can soon leave him for an hour or so with the baby sense and monitor on. He's on his side anyway because of the reflux (with a special positioning foam thing prescribed by the doctor...before people recoil in horror!)

Have they given your little one Domperidone OP? It helped my DC a lot after nearly 2.5 hrs of hell with Omeprazole and Ranitidine making hardly any difference. If you’re in the North I can recommend a brilliant Consultant if you think you could do with a second opinion. I presume they’ve considered whether it’s anything to do with an allergy?

I never really bothered with a bedtime routine at that age. I just let them sleep on us while we had dinner watched tv etc. With my third as I had older ones to deal with we would get her to sleep in the pram so she could be downstairs with us and then take her to bed with me later.
It's too soon to be expecting any kind of routine and too stressful trying to implement one.

Bath is part of my DSs bedtime routine except for Saturday nights when we just wanna put him to bed quickly and carry on with our evening 😂 also if we have been out late visiting family (in gardens!) we won’t bother. So it doesn’t really affect him if he doesn’t have a bath, but we like it to do it.

@WaitingForNormality exactly my thoughts here! We started this routine fairly early with DS and we were happy to leave him with the monitor on upstairs from fairly early. Now he’s used to sleeping alone so we don’t have to tackle it now he’s a bit older.

5 month old goes to bed when we do around half 9 them sleeps through till 8/9am, we do a story sometimes but we bath him once or twice a week as both DH and I have skin conditions so don't want to he washing him everyday when it's not needed at this age.
I d just be looking at the monitor the whole time so would rather he be in the same room as us for another month then we ll see how he goes going in his room next month's

I have 3week old dc3 in my arms as I type. I've never bothered with a bedtime routine other than reducing the lighting after dinner. Frequent washing is really bad for their skin, increases the chance of eczema and similar issues (it's the same for all ages btw).

My 3 and 4 yr olds have a bedtime routine but we didn't introduce one until it suited us. We wash them twice a week unless there's a specific reason to so it isn't part of our bedtime routine which otherwise looks like: toothbrushing and change to pyjamas, story downstairs with me, story in bed with DH (they like stories), sleep.

So you might be interested to see OP that the UK advice to remain in the room for all sleeps is not present in French recommendations:

naitre-et-vivre.org/ressource-min/comment-coucher-votre-bebe/

naitre-et-vivre.org/ressource-min/actualisation-prevention-min/

I can only read this with google translate, but they say very clearly here that the baby should sleep in the parents' bedroom. Not that you must spend every minute in the room with the baby.

The Lullaby Trust is in fact the only organisation in the world which includes this. Even NHS recommendations don't include it explicitly.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/reduce-the-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome/

It sounds like a recipe for making mothers very anxious.

I believe everyone should do what suits them, but I do believe this should be based on the available information.

It’s one thing if someone knows the recommendations and risks and decides to go against it, but I remember having a thread on here where I got quite a bit of abuse for going to bed at the same time as my baby (who wasn’t even quite one month at the time) - the number of faces I got were pretty annoying!

If it’s fine to ignore the advice it’s also fine to follow it.

We did start a vague routine but just did it when we were ready to go to bed.

At 3 months I was tired too so usually around 9pm started heading up to bed, baby changed, massage, feed and to sleep. Then I would sleep also or read a little if not super tired. Routine has stayed the same now he’s almost a year, except now it’s more like 8pm and I do leave him once he’s asleep

Any evening sleep before 9pm we just treated as a nap