New mum and breastfeeding struggles

[Tryingtobe123]

Hi all

My baby boy is 8 days old now. I had quite a large bleed after having him and passed out a few times, the midwives were eager to get him fed and I agreed to just bottle feed him there and then as I didn’t want him to go hungry as I couldn’t sit and feed him. Since then I have found it incredibly difficult to breast feed, I have tried and followed advice from people. I can express as my milk has come in well but I am having a really hard time mentally, I just feel like I’m failing him. I want to be able to wake in the middle of the night to my hungry baby and feed him, not have to go downstairs, warm some breast milk and then feed him.

As a first time mum is it normal to feel like this? I cry everyday about it. But feel like giving up trying to do it. Every time he shows hunger signs I'm there, boob out and ready to go but he just doesn’t want to latch 😞

This is so hard. And exactly the same happened to me. The midwife recommended I give ds a bottle as I was too weak after losing so much blood. I have since learnt that a bottle of milk can stretch out their stomachs so when you breast fed a smaller but more compact amount it doesn't trigger the stomach full response.

I did the same as you're doing and fed when ever he showed sign of hunger (which was a lot and really constant so you have all my sympathy). I gave him one bottle (sometimes two) a day if i was really struggling as it gave me a small break (and his stomach was already stretched out). Over a couple of weeks he could go longer stretch's with out the bottle until it was no longer needed. By two months he was exclusively breastfed. Also wear him or hold him as much as possible (that you can mentally handle as I found that hard too).

Please don't feel bad. I cried so much because the crying and hunger signs were so relentless. I definitely blame the midwife giving him a bottle because a couple of hours after that the constant crying started. I also have two younger children that never had a bottle and never fed constantly or cluster fed anywhere near the same amount and were ebf.

If you do choose to formula feed please don't feel bad. Your struggle to feed sounds so similar to mine and out of three children I have the one like yours was the hardest to feed by a thousand so you're already a loving mum who has given above abd beyond to her little one ❤️

I'm actually nearly crying think back to it. It was possibly one of the hardest times I've been through! Please know your stronger than you think ❤️

That sounds incredibly hard, you have my sympathy. Have you tried skin to skin between feeds? Just hanging out near the milk bar?! Would he entertain nipple shields? My first needed nipple shields and bottle feeds for a while, it's really intense. She did however feed for a long time afterwards and dropped her bottle feed of her own volition after she started solids.

Hey OP, sorry to hear you're struggling. So many of us have had real issues breastfeeding. It made me psychologically very unwell ultimately so I eventually switched to formula and with hindsight wish I had done it earlier. If that's what you want to do, then do so.

It reads to me that you would to continue trying to BF though. Do you have a local peer support team you could contact for advice? Our area is doing zoom 'visits' at the moment, I'm not sure if they are doing home visits or not but I got home visits when I had mine (pre-Covid). Or could you contact the infant feeding team at your hospital for advice? In my experience most breastfeeding support teams discourage the use of nipple shields but if your baby won't latch on at all I would give them a try as they may latch with the shields? You may need to try different sizes of shields too.

Otherwise I'd suggest keep going and try and do as much skin to skin as possible and just keep trying to put them on the breast as often as you can.

Hi OP. Firstly, well done! And yes, it's normally to feel all over the place, emotionally, in the first few weeks postpartum.

Babies are born with a natural ability to seek out the breast, but this can be suppressed if they've had some time without the chance to do it. The good news is that it's definitely possible to draw that natural ability out again with a little time and patience. Have you heard of biological nurturing (otherwise known as laid back breastfeeding)? Google it. It is basically a simple approach to feeding that allows baby to use their natural newborn reflexes to seek out and find the breast and to feed. Get yourself comfy on the sofa or in bed in a semi reclined position and place your baby on your stomach or chest on their tummy, near to your nipple, both of you skin to skin. Do this when you are calm and baby is in a calm but alert state. Hungry, but not distressed with it. Let baby kick, root and snuffle around and look for the nipple, giving a gentle nudging helping hand if necessary. Your aim will be to allow baby to latch on themselves, but don't worry or necessarily expect this to happen the first time. Even if all your baby does the first few tries is to snuffle and lick at the nipple, then that is a brilliant development. Do this as often as possible. If baby gets distressed, give them a few ml of the bottle to calm them and then try again.

Good luck! With perseverance, this really should work. Have a few tries each day and be calm and patient. It shouldn't take too long for your baby to get the hand of it. Please do Google biological nurturing, because obviously I can't write in too much detail here.

Thanks everyone - been trying and taking on everyone’s advice and we’re just finding it too hard. Slowly coming to terms with the fact it might not happen for us 😞 today my milk seems to be drying up as I have been expressing as much as possible but only 4/5 times a day. I’m trying not to let it get me down, but I feel guilty everytime I give him formula. Theres so much pressure everywhere to breastfeed I feel ashamed that I’m struggling as much as I am. I know it was out of my hands as I was so poorly in the hospital and he needed feeding but I thought maybe we would be able to pick it up. But he just screams even when he’s relaxed and not due a feed

Honestly,I would doubt that a bottle of milk would have an impact, it's more to do I expect with the difficulties you have latching, which are hopefully resolvable if you can access some support to help you with this (or failing that some YouTube videos).

Many babies are given bottles in the first few days, because mum is ill, or baby is still hungry, bf difficulties or just because mum wants to, and that doesn't mean you can't breastfeed.

In fact, ALL the people I know personally who have ended up breastfeeding for a long time (a year plus) gave some bottled milk in the first few hours/days/weeks, so there's no reason to think that it's the death knell for breastfeeding.

Best of luck x

I know midwives don't recommend them but have you tried a nipple shield? Now that he is used to a bottle he might find it easier to latch onto the nipple shield rather than your naked nipple as it will feel more like a bottle to him.

Oh and loads of skin to skin to get your happy hormones going and help stimulate your milk supply.

The more you stress the less your milk will flow. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Take each feed as it comes and don't blame yourself if it doesn't work out.
If you do start to give more and more formula it isn't necessarily the end. My baby was on mostly formula at 2 months but she's on mostly breastmilk now.

Have you contacted the National Breastfeeding Helpline?
0300 100 0212

They also have web chat: www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk/

They can offer non-judgemental emotional and practical support, as well as signposting to other services.

It can be a very difficult time for new mothers - please seek support, even if you only want a listening ear.

I struggled to BF and had to express for about two weeks but in the end we managed to BF.

Have you tried the laying down position? That was the one my boy finally managed on

Another recommend for a nipple shield, they enabled me to continue breastfeeding when my baby wouldn't latch.

Hi, I just wondered as an option if you might be able to speak with someone from NCT. They have lactation consultants who can help. With my first I was struggling with a bad latch and pain of an inverted nipple. A lovely lady was able to come out to my house and help guide through positions etc and getting going.

www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/feeding/early-days/breastfeeding-support-nct

I have an eleven week old now and am much more relaxed feeding this time around.

Wishing you the best of luck however you feed your baby, fed is best