What can I do...?

[mrsjw17]

Hello

My eldest daughters 8 years old. She was a surprise baby after being told I wouldn't have children & also being a year into my relationship with my now husband things moved fast.

They had a great relationship up until we had our 2nd daughter.

Cracks started to appear & I felt like he was definitely treating them differently which was a worry of mine while I was pregnant.

She is a very hyper child who doesn't sleep very well & suffers with anxiety.
(She has been seen for the possibility of ADHD/AUTISM but nothing has been confirmed).

After him working long hours & hardly being at home as he was the sole provider of the family the girls bond with me was strong.

He is very short tempered with my eldest. No longer has that nice bond... I don't know how to fix it?

I always dreamed of having girls who were Daddy's Girls. But truth is he couldn't be far from that.

If you can help in any way with advice I'd be extremely grateful.

Please be kind ♡

I mean this in the kindest way possible... it isn't your job to fix his relationship with his own daughter x

(Sorry changed username..)

@altlife I completely see where your coming from & I understand. I just want to know if there's anything I can do to aid the relationship back to how it was before?

Does he want that? Does he acknowledge he’s part of the problem and the solution?

Hi, What activities did your husband and eldest enjoy before the birth of the second child? Maybe try to revive some of those. Or what do they both have in common? What would they enjoy together and maybe spend a little time building up the relationship by doing some of those activities as special daddy and eldest time?

@BluebellsGreenbells
He doesn't see the problem & doesn't think he is doing anything to make the relationship any different.
Maybe I see it slightly different as I didn't have my dad around when I was growing up so I want nothing more than my girls to have that special bond/relationship with him.

@Mfox35
They would do all sorts. Normal things like going to the park, he'd help out at bath time, they'd play together on the floor, tickle fights etc all the normal things. He doesn't do any of that anymore as he thinks she's getting to big...

At 8 years old, the park may still be something they can enjoy if he is willing to make the time for her. If he has a short temper, it may be something to work on as that would certainly help the relationship.

He is also a role model to her and short tempered ness may not be something you would like her to learn so I assume he wants what is best for her, for that, change needs to happen as the current solutions, i guess from what you said, are not working.
Maybe not bath time at that age, but he can still read a story after bath time and make it interactive with funny voices, etc.
What does she like to do? And can he join her in some of those activities? (maybe colouring, stickers, lego, playing with little miniture animals, people, etc)
If he would like a better relationship then he can do some of those things that she enjoys to build up their bond, but he has to be willing