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Original poster

Am I being a lazy mum?

26 replies

TwinnyMummy321 · 10/04/2021 21:36

I've got 14 month old twins and I'm starting to think I don't do enough with them. We go out for a walk every day and read books several times per day (which they can't get enough of). But in between, they spend most of their time playing independently. I am lucky that they're very content babies, they will happily play with whatever selection of toys I've put out for more or less the whole day if I let them! They seem to prefer playing independently than with me. I just sort of dip in and out really, I try to talk to them about what they're doing (they aren't talking yet so I'm keen to encourage this) and play alongside them a bit. A friend of mine with a baby of similar age is always doing messy play, painting etc... but the problem is, my two want to put absolutely everything in their mouths, and with the two of them it just seems like unnecessary stress when they are so happy doing what they're doing. There aren't any baby groups running in my area at the moment, but when it's possible I plan to start taking them (perhaps with my mum who is "bubbled" with us). In the meantime, am I doing ok or should I be putting in a bit more effort? Blush

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parsnipsnotsprouts · 10/04/2021 21:38

Twins? I’m surprised you’re functioning at all. Give yourself a break

Original poster
TwinnyMummy321 · 10/04/2021 21:39

Exactly @parsnipsnotsprouts, I feel like I must be doing something wrong Blush

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AdaFuckingShelby · 10/04/2021 21:40

You're doing great. Everyone's children are different, be grateful yours get on with playing independently. They're well and happy and thriving. Overly involved and fussy parenting is not something to aspire to IME.

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SummerHouse · 10/04/2021 21:40

Hell no. Everyone is happy. Do not disrupt the equilibrium with messy play!

Woodlandbelle · 10/04/2021 21:41

You are doing amazing

gamerchick · 10/04/2021 21:41

Sounds fine to me. You might actually produce kids who don't need 1-1 attention and entertainment constantly when they're older.

ThursdayLastWeek · 10/04/2021 21:42

They would sure as hell let you know if they weren’t happy.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you must doing something wrong if you have happy healthy engaged children.

One of my DC is like this and it’s lovely compared to the other one who needs constant stimulation!

Changingwiththetimes · 10/04/2021 21:42

Of they are happy and busy why are you worried? If you stuck them in front of the TV for hours that's one thing, but playing together with toys sounds great.
Many generations really didn't interact with their kids nearly as much as we do now. You seem to be doing fine.

Fyredraca · 10/04/2021 21:42

I never did messy play. Sounds like you are doing fine

bangwhistle · 10/04/2021 21:43

I think Kids need to learn independent play. You're not lazy at all. It's so Society and social media putting insane expectations on to your parenting. I read such an interesting article about it the other day. I'll see if I can find it. I have three and lockdown forced me to ignore them loads. It's made them better at entertaining themselves. I have a friend who I would say was a 'good parent'. She does loads of craft and games with her kids, reward charts. Everything. Her kids will not entertain themselves. You're doing great.

idontlikealdi · 10/04/2021 21:43

The best bit about young twins from my experience of mine is that they do hit a point where they can entertain each other and after the drudgery of the first year it's bloody brilliant. Enjoy it while it lasts, they'll start fighting soon 😂

Pebbledashery · 10/04/2021 21:44

Your kids are happy so whatever you are doing keep doing it :) I'm a lone parent and sometimes have to leave my daughter to play independently whilst I do things around the house.. She follows me around with her toys and sits near me and it's lovely. She's perfectly content so I don't feel bad at all and neither should you x

Aimee1987 · 10/04/2021 21:45

I think the ability to entertain oneself is a key life skill so there doing well on that.
The talking thing is something I work on with my 15 month old and the reading is brilliant. You have two happy content babies and it's working for you. I'm trying to not compare to what others are doing, just do what works for your family.
In terms of messy play wait untill the weather heats up a bit and mabey let them muck around in a paddling pool( if you have a garden). That's only of you want theres no massive necessity to do it.

Ihatesandwiches · 10/04/2021 21:46

I left messy play to nursery! As a single working mum I didn't have time to make unnecessary mess, lol!
Let them have fun together. You might need to be more hands on when they are der and have different interests.
Enjoy that they are enjoying playing together x

Pebbledashery · 10/04/2021 21:50

@ihatesandwiches completely agree.. My daughters clothes are covered in paint from nursery 😂

Trixie78 · 10/04/2021 21:51

I've got 2.5 year old twins so know exactly what you're going through. Sounds like you're doing a great job, they're happy and settled. Enjoy it, the other stuff you'll gradually start doing with them when they're ready. You don't need to give them as much of your time as parents of singles ATM as they have each other, your life will gradually start to get easier now xxx

Tallybo · 10/04/2021 21:52

Sounds like you're doing great, as long as they are happy and content, which is sounds like they are, then all good. I also leave messy play to nursery Grin

Homehaircuts · 10/04/2021 21:52

No not at all! You are lucky to have babies that can play independently for so long. Don't fix what's not broken I say.

Original poster
TwinnyMummy321 · 10/04/2021 21:53

Thank you all so much! This has really been playing on my mind and I feel a lot better about it now. Social media probably does have something to do with it yes Blush
I think I also tend to compare myself to friends who have babies, forgetting that I have two whereas they have just the one.

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Original poster
TwinnyMummy321 · 10/04/2021 21:56

Not that I think others have it easy with "just the one" by the way, I know I got lucky with my contented twins! Though they will probably make me eat my words over the next few years haha

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FlyNow · 11/04/2021 11:08

I have just the one and I do this. Tbh I am a bit lazy but this is one cause where laziness and the right behaviour coincide. Of course I read to him, take him places, do things around the house together, etc, but I don't think playing with dc 24/7 is something to aim for.

BlusteryLake · 11/04/2021 11:16

It's odd but true that for some reason Art's, crafts and messy play are somehow seen as the most "good mum" activities in the pre school years. They are one way of interacting with your children but exactly that - one way. Personally, I hate glue, glitter and paint so barely did any when my children were young. Instead we played dressing up, den building, chatting, role play etc, with them leading the activities. Your children sound like they can already provide their own entertainment, so crack on!

rainbowstardrops · 11/04/2021 11:33

I agree, don't fix what isn't broken!
You're allowing them to grow into happy independent people and that's great!

Teatreat · 11/04/2021 11:35

Sounds perfect. As pp said, entertaining themselves is a really good life skill.