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Missing my pre Altzheimers mum more than ever now I have a newborn

9 replies

Reabamum · 10/04/2021 03:29

Sorry for the post, but I have no one I can talk about this with. I had a baby a few weeks ago and just miss my mum so much. I would love to share with her how tough I'm finding things and to have her help. I still love seeing her, but just feel so sad at the moment because I miss the sharp minded her of 7 years ago. Im so greatful that she has met my baby, but just wish she didn't have Altzheimers. When I haven't seen her in a while I almost forget she has it, but every time I see her it has progressed. I feel frustrated with her sometimes (I dont show it), which I feel awful about as it is not her fault. I think underneath the feeling of frustrating is just so much grief because when she doesn't remember things I feel like I have just lost that much more of her. Im not looking for any advice, I'm just feeling particularly sad and needed to tell someone how I feel :(

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 10/04/2021 03:39

I'm so sorry, that must be really hard for you Flowers

mrssunshinexxx · 10/04/2021 03:51

@Reabamum so sorry this is happening to you it's a cruel cruel disease. My mum died suddenly at 63 last year 6 weeks before I had my first baby, we couldn't of been closer. I feel like a different person I pine for her every minute I don't even know how I've survived without her let alone with a new baby. I know your mum is still alive but I can imagine she isn't the same and you are losing her bit by bit so there is a small similarity.
I'm waffling.
I just wanted to say that I get it and I'm sorry x

Sprintfinish · 10/04/2021 04:09

So sorry OP, Alzheimers is the worst. My mum was diagnosed the same week I found out I was pregnant with my first boy. He's now 2 and i have a 9m old too. I've found it harder second time round as the disease has progressed and she has less of a connection with the baby. It's just awful.

Completely sympathise, there are so many terribly sad aspects. My DM was desperate to be a gran and its been taken away from her, me and my lovely boys.

I don't know if private messaging is possible on mumsnet but happy to chat, I've never spoke to anyone in similar position before.

PlantDoctor · 10/04/2021 04:11
Flowers
Blurpblorp · 10/04/2021 05:18

Lots of love to you OP Flowers

HotSteppa · 10/04/2021 05:51

Hi OP, I'm so sorry this is happening. Altzheimers really is so cruel and I really relate to so much of what your saying. My Mum was diagnosed within weeks of my second child being born, he's now 6.

She's still pretty well and has good quality of life (lockdown considered) but just as you say its the sharpness I miss so much. Shes still there but a fuzzier version of herself. I miss the relationship we would have had now if she was well, the insights I would have gained from her, the empathy and humour. Thats not to say she's not kind or funny, she absolutely is but it's not how she was.

Again my mum was desperate to have grand children and while she adores them and spends time with them, she can't do it independently anymore. She stopped working fulltime because she wanted to do more with the kids, a day or two childcare when they were little, incidentally that's when symptoms became more apparent. When we go to the park together if she looses sight of the children for a moment, she panics and is off in all directions looking for them, I'm more worried about loosing than of her than the kids! Her anxiety about loosing stuff and forgetting things makes everything worse for her too.

I really feel for my dad, i think he's depressed and who can blame him, their retirement obviously shot to shit. Again she's pretty well now, but in the nicest way possible, repetitive. He's never been a hugely patient person but he loves my mum but again he must feel the loss of who she was as is partner. Obviously lockdown has made all this so much worse. Video calls just don't work, we decided to make a "childcare" bubble with them autumn last year because I couldn't bear that the kids and she miss out on this time she has.

I know you said you don't want advice, but all I can say is make the most of everything and try not to think about the future to much, it's out of our control. I'm glad you posted. Lots of love to you

star1459 · 10/04/2021 05:59

I could of written this post myself.
Except I haven't had my baby yet, I'm 39 weeks and due any day now. My mum has Alzheimer's and the pregnancy has been different to what I envisioned so can imagine how the newborn stage will also be and feel your upset 😞

It's so difficult and like you I feel frustrated with her at times and then guilty. Having her come over makes me feel like I will have to take care of her as well as a baby as much as
I would love for her help.
In the past she would of been the one here being a missive help- cleaning, holding baby and I'd be able to rest but now I know most of that isn't possible.

We must remain grateful they are Still with us and can meet our babies as hard as it is 😞

gjox · 10/04/2021 08:10

i feel you on this. unfortunately my mum passed away a couple of years ago from her alzheimers and i think about her and how she would be with my daughter all the time. i just have to believe she would be so happy and proud. i just have to feel shes with me but its not the same so i understand how you feel. im sure she is wih you even though it may not feel the same. make the most of having her with you she is undoubtedly proud of you x

Reabamum · 10/04/2021 08:17

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It really helped me today. Sending lots of love back to those who posted and are going through the same thing. X

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