I have an almost 3 year old and I'm really struggling. When she's being pleasant, she's so easygoing, helpful, and a delight to be around. When she's being unpleasant though... she does the opposite of what we ask or doesn't listen at all, she says no to everything, she whines, she tantrums, she shouts at us, etc. We as a family of four could be having a lovely day, only for her to have a tantrum out of nowhere and bring the mood down.
It used to be that she was 50/50 easygoing/hard work, but more recently it's tipped towards hard work. I feel like it's a battle from dawn to dusk, getting her to have her breakfast, have her teeth brushed, get dressed, shoes on, into the buggy, etc. Both my husband and I start off patient, but I am starting to really struggle to remain patient, and before long I'm telling her off and she's crying. I don't raise my voice. I usually give her three chances to do whatever it is, and by the third time I follow through and take away a teddy (or do whatever the threat was). Then she screams. Afterwards when she's calm, I try to explain and reason with her, and see if she understands. But I'm not sure she does understand tbh.
I have read the usual parenting books and I'm getting nowhere. My friends with similar aged children don't seem to struggle with this so much. It's really getting me down as my heart sometimes sinks when I see her in the morning, and this makes me feel even more dreadful. I love my daughter very much but it's hard to like her at times at the moment.
Can anyone help? Is this just a phase? How can I manage this - manage my own feelings if not manage her behaviour? Thank you.