Every other weekend dad

[mgagier]

How do people do this? I am new to it snd it's so so hard

What's important is that your children love both their parents and need to spend time with both. Yes it's hard getting used to any new setup but put your children's needs first and it will all be ok.

It's not quite clear from your OP - you are a dad who is just getting used to having your kids every other weekend? What are the issues you are struggling most with? I don't want to jump to conclusions and give you advice based on assumptions - different people will be finding it hard for different reasons but all different kinds of parenting will be hard in different ways. But you get through and find a new balance - you never know what you are capable of dealing with till you find yourself in that situation.

Getting used to not seeing them all the time. Making sure they have fun when they are here

How old are your children OP? Embrace the positives while it lasts so many mums would envy that you are managing EOW. I’m jealous tbh!!

Yes the missing them definitely going to be hard.

It's more usual to have Every Other Weekend plus one mid-week overnight - is that something that could be managed in your situation? Obviously it's not possible for everyone, but going 12 days without them is a long time. If an extra night with you isn't possible, could you organise a regular thing via skype/zoom/whatever for every wednesday evening? Maybe playing some boardgames with them online if they are old enough for that kind of thing?

For the "Making sure they have fun when they are here" - that's not the aim. You are their dad, not their entertainment system. Was every weekend full of fun in the days before you and their mum split up? Of course not - because there are always grocery trips, and DIY and the car needing to be washed and the lawn needing to be mown. That's life. Obviously you'll get some of that done when they aren't with you, but the point of their time with you is to spend time with you, in your life, not some kind of disneyfied fairytale version of life in which it's all fun fun fun.

What ages are the children?

7 and 5

@mgagier

Getting used to not seeing them all the time. Making sure they have fun when they are here

I know your intentions are good but don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have to be Disney dad and give them a whale of a time every time they’re with you. You’re their dad, just a parent them. Yes, have trips out occasionally but it’s far more important that you affirm your position as parent for them. They’re young and going through the break up of their family, they need you to carry on being the dad they know, not some fun uncle. That could be quite unsettling for them and they might worry that somethings wrong if dad keeps on being weird and try-hard all the time. Make sure you’re setting boundaries and enforcing them. Children are far more secure when they know their parent will parent them.

Yeah. Trying to fight off the deep deep depression also.

Are you able to talk to then on FaceTime in between having them over?