2nd baby - 4 months old and I don't know what to do with him!!!

[zephyrcat]

My second baby, ds, is 4 months old. I have dd who is 3 at xmas. When I had her we lived in a pub in a huge town so I was always surrounded by people and could walk into town in about 30 seconds, there was always something to do. Now with ds we live in a tiny village in the middle of no-where and I dont drive!! Problem is I feel extremely guilty about ds. Because there's nothing to do we are at home most of the day and he seems to get sooo bored by it all! He's too little to sit or anything and gets bored with his babygym and toys. Any suggestions for keeping him amused??

a four month old cant really see that much of his surroundings, as his eyesight isnt that great yet.
i hope you dont mind my asking, but are you sure its him who is bored, and not you? a four month old doesnt need that much to amuse him. a face, something to chew on, something to look at, or listen to. an almost three year old on the other hand is a lot harder to entertain.
also, once your son can sit, surely he can be entertained by his big sis?
as for the not driving problem, invest in a good double buggy, one with bicycle wheels, put the kids in warm clothes, and go out, there must be libraries, fields, something to do, or some people to go visit around you? and all the walking will keep you fit and slim as well.

just my ideas

Is there a mothers and toddlers group in the village?
Get hold of the bus timetable and have a look at swimming classes?
Lots of nice long walks?
Sing to him and dance with him! Dd loved Atomic Kitten at that age.
Hunt out the other mums!!
Get some driving lessons.
Get a bike with a baby seat or carriage for behind?
Best of luck. I'm in the middle of nowhere too - but can't imagine being here without a car. If you can't learn to drive for whatever reason would you consider moving?

Hi stitch - it is definately me who is bored as well!! The village is about a mile long, and pretty much surrounded by salisbury plains so nothing for miles but fields and tanks and firing ranges! We go out for walks everyday to keep dd active at the park and stuff.
I was wondering about ds though because dd used to be fine lying on the floor with toys for ages and would be amused. Ds will lie for a couple of minutes, look interested then start crying. I don't want him to sit in his bouncy chair all the time. I guess it's just frustrating becuase he's too young to do much - I just feel there's maybe more I should be doing with him?

Just a thought if your dd is 3 and assuming she's at nursery or playgroup how about going onto playgroup committe or pta type thing to meet other mums who are likely to have wee ones too?

I meant to say as well the buses to the nearest towns cost £6 a time!! and when you get to the end of the village none of the roads have pavements to walk on and the roads are used by lorries mostly so would be scared to put them on the back of a bike. I guess driving is my best option - if we could afford it!! Lol Sorry to be a moaner

hi z
i feel for you. i lived in a city and didnt drive and felt miserable, your situation is worse. but do try cab's ideas.
also, why cant you let him sit in the bouncy chair? both my boys love it. it meant they were both sort of lying, yet had a view of the world. ds2 loved watching teletubbies on tv! dd was born when ds2 was only 19 months old, and he used to try and lie down on her, so she poor thing didnt get much chance to sit in it, but i found it great.

what do you do when he cries? do yo pick him up? or giv ehim attention? because if he gets attention every time, then could be he is just attention seeking....
my dd was a nightmare, but it took ages till i figured that out.

an all terrain pushchair would mean you could walk on the grass? fields etc?

you're so right stitch. I guess i'm over-worrying about him if there is such a thing!! I used to work in a private nursery school and recently worked in dd's nursery (she's no longer there) and the emphasis is very much on making sure the babies always have something to do and shouldn't be in their chairs for very long etc. He does actually like it in his bouncy chair and dd loves to sit next to him and watch tv. I'm just wondering if I 'm not doing enough with/for him (and spending too much time on mn!!!!)

what about the local nct type thing?
yo could keep offering to have coffee morning s at your house, and maybe get others to give you a ride?

My ds loved being in a door bouncer at about this age as he was upright rather than a chair. We would put silly nursery rhymes on and dd and I would jump about and he would bounce .

nah, no such thing as too much time on mn!
i have spent most of the morning on the computer whilst ds2 and dd amuse themselves!
i stopped feeling guilty when i realised that guilt leads to stress, which leads to me yelling at them more, (ds1 is seven, and very argumentative, and all three are very stubborn, and dh is just a pain in the neck) so, the yelling lead s to more guilt which leads to more stress, which.... well its a downwards spiral.

in the olden days, kids were basically left to their own devices whilst om and dad got on with putting food on the table, and they all survived!

but maybe i should go and pretend to be a good mom now! lol

a parents group may well be what i'm missing out on - my problem there is i'm too quiet and shy to walk into one!!! I hear myself saying it and know it sounds ridiculous! It makes it worse being in a new town and not knowing anyone and not having the courage to go out and meet people!!

take him out for a walk - mine always loved that. When he gets a bit bigger get a bike with a child seat on.

Mine were always happy at that age laying on a towel without a nappy - god knows why !

funnily enough he does love being on the floor without a nappy - according to dp its a man thing - something about being free!!!

zephyrcat do you have a local health visitor? Chances are that now and again she'll pop into the local mothers and toddlers when they're having a meeting. So could you go see her, tell her how you're feeling and see if she would come along with you for the first visit or so and introduce you to a few of the other mums? If you went to one with dd you'll know that almost all of the mums will feel the same as you and that none of them will have been going to the group for that long. Do offer to do the committee type stuff - think it's invaluable for getting to know folk when you're new to an area. In our local one it was lovely to see (especially the younger mums) grow in confidence with various committees and quite a few have found part time work later as a result (childminding or after school club). p.s. another option might be to ask for help from homestart - just to get someone to go along to first few meetings with you?

I hadn't thought about that cab - that might be the way to go about it. I feel like such an idiot for being silly over such a simple thing!!!

Which side of the Plain are you - Devizes or Salisbury? Have you thought of contacting NCT - there are often coffee mornings and can be particularly strong in out-of-the-way places?

Zephyr you're neither alone nor stupid - reckon about 99 per cent of folk feel the same, especially when they move to a new area especially. If you don't fancy the hvisitor suggestion just ask her for the names and numbers of the current committee, see if she can suggest someone of a similar age who is quite approachable and ask them to help you get started (e.g. meet you BEFORE the meeting starts and introduce you to folk for the first few weeks etc).
Probably teaching you to suck eggs here but offering to help set up/ put away the toys/ make teas is usually a good ice breaker (and babe will be fine in the car seat while you do it.).

we're kind of in the middle yoyo - Ludgershall. Which is actually closer to us than the other two - but a pain to get to as well. I'm so glad I brought this up!! Thanks to you all for your replies I think we'll eventually have to move again. I've just looked at the ofsted report for the village school - to make matters worse!!!!

closer to Andover than the other two - was meant to say!

Zephyrcat - hoped you'd have said Devizes as we used to live there and I could have recommended a few groups to you (and some names to make it less scary).

unfortunately not - although I'd pay good money to be in a nice big town right now!!!

I come from Devizes too though I don't live there now - there are loads of baby activities there. but I don't know Andover at all - sorry.

Yoyo when did you live there? I grew up there til I was 18 and my parents still live there.

Feeling better with him today - he's not so grumpy with everything! I also took him to be weighed this morning and arranged for the HV to come over to the house next week - so have taken the first step!!