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For non sleep training EBFeeding parents! When did your child start to settle by themselves??

17 replies

IslandGirl5 · 07/04/2021 10:32

My DD is 8 months old next week. Shes EBF and was an alright sleeper to start with but after 3 months it all went to pot. She’s so active and alert and getting her to sleep isn’t always easy. We’ve tried gradual retreat type sleep training (we’re team no cry it out) but whenever she’s put down in her cot she just screams and screams no matter how we try it. Drowsy but awake doesn’t work, earlier to bed incase she was overtired doesn’t work. Even now when she falls asleep on me it can sometimes take 3 or more attempts to put her down in her cot before she just stays asleep and doesn’t wake and cry. It’s the same in the night, she needs help to settle, which is often just a quick boob and then she’s out again but this can range from 3-6 times now which is a small improvement on what it was. She was in her own room from 6 months but I was getting up so often she’s now just in with me once I come up to bed and DH stays in the spare room so he can help more in the day if he’s not overtired too. So I guess my main question here is for those who’s babies didnt settle themselves and didn’t respond to sleep training - when did your babies start to improve their sleep habits and when we’re they able to settle themselves?? Thanks!

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PumpingPamela · 07/04/2021 23:03

Following as I'm in a very similar situation (and am extremely tired 😴)

Mylittlepony374 · 07/04/2021 23:09

Unfortunately my first was about 18 months before I could just put her in bed, give her a kiss& leave. Up until then one of us sat in the room with her until she fell asleep. Got loads of "rod for your own back“ comments but honestly I'd go it again. She's 4 now and takes herself off to bed no problem, is an independent sweetheart.
My second is 2.5 and still can't settle himself. I still lay with him. It's tiresome at times but I try and remember they're only young once and it's lovely snuggly bonding time.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 07/04/2021 23:20

Self settle as in kisses, lights out & leave?

6, 7 & I have a six still cuddled to sleep.

Sorry Grin fwiw they go to bed happily & we have never had any bedtime battles.

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Babyfg · 08/04/2021 00:09

If I'm honest about the 18 month mark for my two. I stopped feeding to sleep at about 12 months (I read somewhere that they don't understand why a comfort thing is taken away before that like breast or dummies etc). THey always had bath story feed bed so I continued that but without the feed.

At 18months I put them to bed and said I'll be back in five minutes to check on you and kept doing that until they were asleep.

They're excellent sleepers now.

ShinyGreenElephant · 08/04/2021 00:13

My oldest was sleeping through at 9m but I was still feeding her to sleep until 1 and then cuddling her to sleep until maybe 3-4. Dd2 I still lie with or we cosleep, and I don't see that changing soon (shes 2.5). It takes up a lot of time but on the other hand there's nothing I'd rather do than cuddle my babies. Dd1 is 12 now and I would LOVE to cuddle her to sleep

IslandGirl5 · 08/04/2021 06:22

Thanks guys! I do love feeding and cuddling her to sleep and I would always prefer to look back on those memories rather than leaving her to cry! I also read the my have no way of understanding why something is taken away or why their needs aren’t being met and don’t “settle” when left to cry they just learn no one comes, which broke my heart! Just wanted to know when it slowly turns into a goodnight kiss and cuddle then leave ♥️

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Dogsandbabies · 08/04/2021 06:26

3 years abs 4 months. I did end up sleep training the second around 1 year.

Brenna24 · 08/04/2021 06:29

At 2.5 she suddenly started getting grumpy with me for being in her space and started literally kicking and hitting me out the bed in her sleep. So I would feed her to sleep then leave. She was almost completely sleeping through the night too, often with a quick feed and resettle at 5am. Then we moved house a month before her 3rd birthday and now I am back in her bed and she is feeding every hour or two again. I am hoping that it is just her needing reassurance while she copes with the big change and that it will settle again. But she isn't in nursery yet (and we won't be getting a place for a long time either) and things could regress again when that happens.

Pinpointer · 08/04/2021 06:34

My two year old co sleeps and was still up 2/3 times wouldn’t go back to sleep without milk. As soon as I night weaned her with just cuddles (and admittedly longer wake times) she slept through 7.30-7.30 no issues after just a week of fussy nights.

larrythelizard · 08/04/2021 06:34

DS wasn't EBF but I taught him to self settle at about 6 months using the shush pat method - big kiss and a cuddle, put him in his cot and then shushed and stroked/patted his forehead/tummy. I did it in blocks of 6 minutes, as in if he was still awake after 6 minutes I'd pick him up and have another big cuddle and then start again. Sometimes he got quite shouty but never really upset.

I set myself a time limit of 1 hour so if he wasn't asleep after that I'd give up and try again tomorrow. Since then (he's 22m now) it's very rare that he needs help getting to sleep - occasionally he needs a cuddle.

BertieBotts · 08/04/2021 06:38

About 2.5 for both of mine to sleep through the night. DS1 was about 4 when I was able to tuck him in, goodnight kiss and leave. DS2 isn't there yet.

BertieBotts · 08/04/2021 06:40

Lyndsay Hookway has some really good evidence based but gentle sleep stuff, I think she's really good. There is a lot of crap to sift through with children's sleep stuff.

sweatpantsofdefeat · 08/04/2021 07:21

DS slept through at about 3yo. Before that we cuddled him to sleep and co-slept most of the night. I night-weaned at about 2 so guess he was sleeping through in a way from then. He's always been anti-sleep, would stay up late if he could (he doesn't), napped only in the buggy and dropped it early.

DD consistently slept through at 8 months in a cot in our room. She's always self settled, loves naps etc.

Both EBF. No change in how we cared for each of them. I had no idea before I had babies how different their 'personalities' can be!

SnuggyBuggy · 08/04/2021 07:23

My first was 18 months and swapping to a low toddler bed also seemed to help.

mindutopia · 08/04/2021 07:39

Probably from around 14 months. He would have a feed or eventually we switched to a cup of milk before bed as I was weaning, then lie down in bed and go to sleep. I do sit in with him (takes about 10-15 minutes) even now (he’s 3), but from then he just got in bed and put himself to sleep. My ff one was actually much harder to get to sleep! She had a cup of milk and I had to rock her until she was 4.

BlackKittyKat · 08/04/2021 07:57

I've a 4 year old and 1 year old and am still waiting.

IslandGirl5 · 08/04/2021 08:49

It’s crazy how different babies can be isn’t it! I’ve tried more gentle approaches and stayed with her in her cot and shushed/patted etc but she just gets worse to the point that she will cry again soon as I go to put her down because she knows what’s coming! So we agreed that wasn’t the right route. I love having this time with her and I’m in no rush but your comments ranging from 14m to mainly 3ish are reassuring that we’re not doing the wrong thing by letting her in with us!

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