Help me through the night

[ElaborateSalad]

I've name-changed. I've been here a couple of years, but mainly as a lurker.

DS is 15 months and has never slept well. About three months ago, out of desperation, we started to take him into our bed and co-sleep. Prior to this, I was partially losing my mind due to sleep deprivation. There have only been a handful of nights in the past two years where I've had more than four hours of unbroken sleep. It was a difficult pregnancy, so this began before DS was born.

What started off as a stop-gap has become the norm. There has only been one night this year, for instance, that DS hasn't ended up in our bed.

Tonight I intend to begin the difficult process of getting him to stay in his cot.

Nine times out of ten, DS settles in his cot about 7.30pm after having his only bottle of the day. At some time between the hours of 10pm and 1am however, he wakes, won't settle again, and we relent and take him into our bed.

Until recently, he's slept well in our bed, but over the last few weeks I don't think there has been a single night where he hasn't woken and started to 'play' (poke and prod me, etc) in the middle of the night.

Our bed is a double so there isn't a lot of space, and I simply am unable to sleep properly whilst being kicked all night.

I have no worries about putting DS in danger - he sleeps at the top of the bed and we move out pillows and duvet a foot further down the bed, ensuring that he definitely has enough space to be safe, at the same time as allowing him to kick me in the face repeatedly.

So tonight, I am making a stand and attempting to keep DS out of the marital bed until at least 5am. I'm working tomorrow afternoon but I've offered to do the night shift on the understanding that I get a chance to sleep in the morning!

I'm in a comfy chair next to the cot at present. It's going to be a long night. Please give me the encouragement I need to keep my lovely boy out of our bed.

You can do this! Repeat the same phrase over and over in a really boring calm voice if he protests. Consistency is crucial. You could look up 'gradual retreat' on the internet if you think you need a strategy.

I’ve been there! Being on the verge of delirium from lack of sleep...the thought of it still panics me. My LO was an awful sleeper (and still takes hours to settle at bedtime) but things are much easier now. I read the Lucy Wolfe book which helped a lot and has a very nurturing approach which I really needed. Be gentle on yourself, it will improve. Fingers crossed for a successful night!

Is he tired enough? Have u tried a slight later bedtime to see if that makes a difference?

Thank you both. Currently feeling okay despite usually suffering with crippling anxiety.

I can here DH snoring already (it's a very thin wall - our big bedroom was split into two tiny ones when I became pregnant) and I'm feeling a bit sad that I'm not in there with him. I'm very much looking forward to not getting up in the morning though. The thought of snuggling up with the dogs whilst DS flings his breakfast about might just get me through the night. Roles will be reversed tomorrow and I very much intend to use earplugs.

He's definitely tired enough. He's recently adjusted himself from two naps to one, and we struggle to keep him awake any long. He settles like a dream for a few hours but expects to come into our bed when he wakes - I can hardly blame him because that is the precedent we have set.

I need to sleep. I'm not sure I can do this I'm so bloody tired. There just never seems like a good time to start. I've drifted into panic mode because I'm so bloody knackered. I'm not working until lunchtime tomorrow, but instead of working in the place I usually do, I'm working in a place I haven't before and that have a difficult connection to. I felt absolutely fine about this until the wee hours crept in, but now I'm doubting everything.

You can do it, op. In 3 nights it'll be over and he'll sleep through. It's so frigging awful is sleep deprivation, you have my sincere sympathy.

Does he use a dummy?

You have my sympathy, a non-sleeping child is enough to wear anyone down.

Rather than a comfy chair, do you have a spare mattress or air bed you could put next to his cot? At least then you can lie down and you'll have a chance of some sleep.

The 'gradual retreat' tactic is a good one, I used it successfully with DS1. Letting him sleep in with us was a disaster, he'd spend the night kicking one of us and poking the other... not fun.

If/when he wakes up in the night be very, very boring. No lights on, no chat, just gentle patting to settle him. He'll get the idea eventually.