Toddler violent outbursts. How to respond?

[justkeepswimming0]

DS (21 months) is very strong willed and reacts badly to being told off/or told no. He will pull our hair (often), bite (less often) and will also deliberately when annoyed walk over to ddog and pull two fistfuls of hair out. He now keep him and the dog apart as much as we can, he'll be lovely to the dog for long enough that we'd let our guard down and then when in a temper would do it again. He goes to a childminder so we really need to curb this behaviour before he hurts another child or god forbid one day gets close enough to a dog that isn't as sweet as our poor little pup. I'm just not sure how to best respond. Has anyone got any advice?

He also throws everything in sight when he gets angry, will deliberately be destructive and lash out at objects and people alike.

I will add he is a very sweet, cuddly, loving little boy the majority of the time, but when he loses his temper he is horrible!

He also headbutts walls and floors when he's angry and then runs up saying ow and wanting a cuddle.

Writing it all together here makes me wonder if maybe there's something more going on. ASD?

What's his communication like generally? It sounds he's struggling to express his emotions and I wouldn't be surprised if once his talking improves so do the bouts of agression, but annoyingly this takes time.

I wouldn't jump straight to ASD though, I think this behaviour is far more common than you'd think. So many kids are like this when they're toddlers.

My eldest was a biter and it was a frustrating (and painful!) stage, it was swiftly followed by a pinching stage!

We just had to be really consistent with our reaponse. Whenever it happened we would walk DC over to a corner/the step etc and say we were going to count to 30 and during that time DC "had to think about whether they made the right decision or the wrong decision". We would also learn what the cues were and before it reached that stage would try to distract DC before it escalated.
Otherwise with a strong willed little one it was a case of positive reinforcement and giving choices. i.e. they kick off about what clothes you pick out? Give them the choice of two outfits so they feel they have some control etc.

This stage can feel like it lasts forever but it does pass. But yes, definitely keep your poor little doggy out of the way in the meantime. Good luck!

Can I follow this, I’m having the same problem but mine is 3 almost 4 she is very aggressive, pulls my hair, hits, bites when she gets angry she will scratch and all of the above, this happens daily when she loses her temper she just explodes. I do have an older child with asd but I don’t think this alone would point to it?