Baby won’t sleep when I’m on feeds

[Lolarosemama]

Ds is five months, six in a week. We bottle feed and alternate night feeds to try and get a little more sleep.
I’m getting more and more distressed because he sleeps so well with my husband next to him (we have a next to me cot) I.e mostly just for his night feed, but when I’m on feeds he wakes at least every hour. I feel so upset that as his mum it seems like he doesn’t seem as settled with me or as safe. What am I doing wrong? His dad held him quite a lot in his first two weeks as I was recovering from my c-section and I’m scared he hasn’t bonded with me or something. I’m so tired and upset.

What can I do to make it better? I thought we’d be bonded by now, he’s so happy with me in the day but the nights are just ridiculous.

Sorry he wakes just for his night feed with husband that should say

Anyone?

The first few months are really hard especially when you're still recovering from the birth. My 2 DS's both always wanted me all the time, a comfort thing I think. My 19 month old DS seems to take ages to settle in the night when he wakes up for me, but for DH he's really good! Thing I've found with my babies is that everything is just a phase and before you know it, they're on a new phase.

Id actually say you've got this the wrong way round!🤣 - I have 3 month old twins. They settle for DH because they know he isn't the main care giver - after all it's me they are home with all day every day and I do 99% of feeds . Me on the other hand is chief cuddler, chief nappy changer and chief feeder so I find they wake more for me because they know they'll get those things from me

Gosh are you sure? I was so scared I was going to be met with advice telling me I wasn’t bonded with him properly and probably needed to do better as a mama 😫

What you need to do better at is not over thinking this. He's 5 months old, there is no good or bad behaviour at this age. He wakes more on your nights as he wants to spend time with you, not so bothered by DH so he sleeps more. This whole 'bonding' bollocks is only adding to new mum stress; if you were a crap mum, you wouldn't give a shit about any of it!!!

I bet baby fusses just as much with Dad but that Dad sleeps through some low level fussing and baby settles back down. I bet you are more attuned and wake up sooner which fully awakens baby.

@Hermanfromguesswho

I bet baby fusses just as much with Dad but that Dad sleeps through some low level fussing and baby settles back down. I bet you are more attuned and wake up sooner which fully awakens baby.

I think a mixture of this and Ivebeenbusy to whom I wish congratulations on the twins. I think 3 months I started to feel like the world had colour again 😂 I reckon Dad sleeps through the love level stuff, are you responding to every little twitch with attention? Hard not to I know!! If so it might be that they're self soothing a bit with Daddy but because you're trying to settle them it's actually breaking the sleep a but more?

@Lolarosemama

Gosh are you sure? I was so scared I was going to be met with advice telling me I wasn’t bonded with him properly and probably needed to do better as a mama 😫

Yup! It's always me they want for comfort so in the night they'll take longer to settle because they know eventually I give in and give cuddles etc. DH if he ever does a night feed (which admittedly is rare!) picks them up feeds them plonks them down and he rolls over and goes back to sleep! They go back to sleep because they know they aren't getting anything else out of him! 🤣

From what I have read, I believe babies smell the difference between mum and dad. No disrespect to your dh, but what your baby wants right now is his mummy. He clearly has already developed a stronger bond with you, which means you’re obviously doing things right.

Thank you so much for all your replies, I feel so much better! I hadn’t realised how backwards I had it x

Your baby wakes to he reassured that it's mum is close by. They want to be close to you, held by you, fed by you. Just try to relax and don't over think.

I was just going to say they can smell you and get hungry but someone beat me to it! Do you fancy a sausage roll right now? No? But if you were standing outside a Greggs you might.

Both of mine resettle much quicker with their dad than me. We’ve always assumed it’s because they aren’t that interested in having cuddles with him and I’m much snugglier and smell nicer and they just want to stay awake to smile and snug with me

It works massively in my favour because he always does the first re settle if they wake in the night because they’re far more likely to go back straight away. If I get up it takes longer - so I send him and roll over back to sleep!

I agree with PPs. DH always felt sad that DCs weren't so bothered to see him, so would go to sleep easier. But also I stirred at the slightest noise with a newborn, and so probably responded quicker.

Could you try sleeping further away in the room i.e. the other side of the bed to the cot? I also wore earplugs and still woke up before DH. Often I woke up wearing earplugs and sleeping in a different room! But in time it allowed me to sleep through the little noises.