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Original poster

Overexcitable nippy dog and 3yo 😩

17 replies

PlasticDinosaur · 04/04/2021 15:26

Hello,

I’m trying to gauge whether I’m being entirely reasonable in amongst insanity or whether it’s an over reaction and wonder if anyone has any advice for keeping the peace.

My FIL never had children and I would say his very sweet but bouncy cocker spaniel is indeed his pfb. Can do no wrong etc.
Despite the fact we have a dog who is territorial they insist on bringing the dog every time they visit which means we lock our dog in the house to be miserable. This I can get over.

On a visit around a year ago the dog bounced in my 3yo face and he yelled that she bit him. Not a mark on him and no aggression from the dog - presumed a bump rather than a bite but kept them separate.

This week they visited, brought the dog without asking and I had to tell them the dogs couldn’t mix when they asked (again Hmm). my husband is fully aware of the history.

I was preparing some lunch and three adults, 3yo and dog in the garden. She genuinely isn’t vicious but I expected they would monitor and keep them separate. No, they let the 3yo pet the dog and then he was bitten on the face. This time there is a single mark, tiny and will heal fine but definitely bitten. You don’t need to tell me I’ve let my son down. I know. I’m devastated.

I’ve ruled out all further contact between either of my children and their dog. My husband feels this will cause tension and upset and may be an overreaction. I would also like to message my SIL to warn her as her child has just started crawling and could also be at risk. My husband thinks this is unkind and me trying to get at my FIL but I do not think he or my MIL appreciate the potential here and don’t trust them to manage the risk.

Am I being mad? I do love dogs honestly but surely the downside is too great?

OP posts:
Eileen101 · 04/04/2021 15:31

YANBU. If a dog bit my 3 y o, it'd be no where near my child for the rest of time Sad

ScrollingLeaves · 04/04/2021 15:52

No YANBU

The dog should only visit if kept on a lead or put in a crate, and the 3 year old kept away from it as small children can seem unpredictable to dogs.

ShowMeTheSugar · 04/04/2021 15:57

Def NBU. Your DH should be more concerned about ensuring your childs safely than upsetting your FIL. I'd think about what kind of controls you'd want put in place if they visit again (no dog / dog in crate / on lead etc) and a reminder that if it can't mix with other dogs they shouldn't bring it to your home

Nightbear · 04/04/2021 16:01

Your ILs and your DH need some attitude adjustment. It’s so unfair to your DC and to the dog to keep putting them in a situation that could end up with a seriously bitten child and the dog being put down.

I’m a dog lover which is why I’d say they shouldn’t be in the same house (or garden) together. It’s not worth the risk. Your ILs have already shown that they can’t or more to the point won’t effectively manage the dog around their grandchild.

HairyPits · 04/04/2021 16:02

My dog (cocker) is nervous and has bitten me before. I under exactly why it has happened.
He loves people generally and goes up to people on walks, looking for fuss.
I would never have him mixing with my young nieces and nephews and I keep him away from small children on walks.

WithLoveFromMyselfToYourself · 04/04/2021 16:04

I can’t believe your DH’s lack of concern.
Your son could easily have been left with scars or worse.

You must warn your SIL and the dog must either be muzzled, crated, or otherwise kept separate from your son.

What was their reaction when he got bitten?

Veterinari · 04/04/2021 16:06

@PlasticDinosaur
Your family needs to learn about active supervision, dog stress body language and respectful dog-child interactions as a priority.

That poor dog is being set up to fail. He doesn't like toddlers. The first time a toddler was allowed to scare him he warned and didn't mark the child. The second time, he warned and did mark the child. The dog is clearly communicating that he finds children stressful. By letting children spook him your IL's are setting him up to fail by forcing him into a situation where he has to bite (potentially inflicting a severe facial injury) before they pay attention. If no one protects him from children hhis behaviour will escalate. For god's sake listen to what this dog is telling you!

Notonthestairs · 04/04/2021 16:08

Dogs and small children have to be managed all the time. Regardless of breed. Otherwise it's not fair on either.

Their dog needs to be left at home.

Your husband is worrying about the wrong people.

Nightbear · 04/04/2021 16:11

‘My husband thinks this is unkind and me trying to get at my FIL’

Again, he should be more concerned about the dog’s welfare and the children’s welfare than his father’s feelings. If FIL genuinely cares about the dog he shouldn’t be putting it at risk.

Having said that I’ve seen my FIL do exactly the same thing - put a crawling child down onto the floor when his own precious dog (which was a snappy, grumpy old thing) was in the room and supposed to be being kept away from the baby. The utter certainty that his judgement was the right one overruled what anyone else said, even though the dog had bitten adults before. He would have been heartbroken if the dog had been put down or his grandchild had been scarred for life but he just wouldn’t accept that it could happen. I got the dog away with promises of food before anything could happen but I doubt it was the last time it happened that visit.

Original poster
PlasticDinosaur · 05/04/2021 14:32

Thank you all for being so helpful and non judgemental, I’ve warned my SIL and told the PIL that no further contact between their dog and my children is to take place. I look forward to the years of resent and awkwardly turning down invites to their house but I’m glad to see I’m not just being neurotic!

@Veterinari thank you for the links I’ve also shared these with my family. Also for the dog forward perspective, it’s allowed me to communicate in a concerned for the dog rather than how dare you endanger my baby way 😅

OP posts:
MariLwyd · 05/04/2021 14:38

If the dog has broken the skin even a tiny bit when it nipped you need to get it looked at, dogs have a lot of bacteria in their mouth! The dog should definitely kept away from children.

Not relevant but just out of nosiness, is he your husbands stepdad? Just trying to figure out how he can be your fil without having had kids!

Chelyanne · 05/04/2021 18:04

They are bang out of order for allowing their dog to behave that way. If a family members dog so much as growls at our children I expect it to be disciplined as that is what we do with our own dog.
I really hate these kind of dog owners and I would also tell them their dog is not welcome. You stick to your guns on this one.

Veterinari · 05/04/2021 18:09

@PlasticDinosaur

Thank you all for being so helpful and non judgemental, I’ve warned my SIL and told the PIL that no further contact between their dog and my children is to take place. I look forward to the years of resent and awkwardly turning down invites to their house but I’m glad to see I’m not just being neurotic!

@Veterinari thank you for the links I’ve also shared these with my family. Also for the dog forward perspective, it’s allowed me to communicate in a concerned for the dog rather than how dare you endanger my baby way 😅

Well done @PlasticDinosaur

It's a tricky line to navigate.
Fingers crossed everyone sees it's for the best

AegonT · 05/04/2021 18:42

I have in laws who bring their badly behaved dog to our house. Thank goodness it only causes property damage (and ruins the cat's day). You have not let your son down - there were other adults in the garden and the dog's owner should have prevented the bite. I would also insist on no further contact with the dog until your child is much older and you were right to warn SIL before her kids got hurt. I hope the dog is kept under good control in public!

Aussieadopter · 05/04/2021 23:03

That's great you have put your foot down - the dog is obviously not comfortable around children. When I was about eighteen months or two my grandmother's cocker spaniel bit me on the face and I have a long jagged scar along my jawline even now. My father marched the dog to the vet pretty soon after to be put down. I have never liked dogs, probably due to that (though I don't remember it). I don't know if there were any warnings beforehand like you had though (where my parents should have acted to keep us apart!)

Veterinari · 06/04/2021 08:34

@Aussieadopter

That's great you have put your foot down - the dog is obviously not comfortable around children. When I was about eighteen months or two my grandmother's cocker spaniel bit me on the face and I have a long jagged scar along my jawline even now. My father marched the dog to the vet pretty soon after to be put down. I have never liked dogs, probably due to that (though I don't remember it). I don't know if there were any warnings beforehand like you had though (where my parents should have acted to keep us apart!)
Ugh! This drives me mad.

It's always the dog's fault. Never the adults who ignore all the signs and allow the dog to get stressed and snap. It's really not that hard to keep children and dogs apart if you can't be arsed to supervise them. But it's always the dog and child who pay the price for crappy supervision

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