I am in my early 30s and DH and I are ready to start TTC. We hope to have our first child between early 2022 - early summer 2022.
We are trying to think beyond that and plan how many children we would like generally because of my age but also - both our families are a bit dysfunctional.
I have 2 siblings. There is nearly 3 years between S2 and me. Between S2 and 3 there is 17 months. Growing up S2 and 3 got on very well. I was kind of excluded from their strong friendship but still got on well with S3. S2 and I have always fought a lot. Sadly this has continued into adulthood. We got through phases of getting on v well then phases of falling out and almost NC periods which have lasted up to 2 years. Currently no issues and speak every few months on phone (S2 lives 400 miles away due to work). S3 moved to other side of the world around 7 years ago. Has visited home 2x since moving due to cost and lack of interest. S3 previously suffered depression and made some very odd life choices which strained relationship with S2 and I. Moving so far away meant this has never been resolved and S2 and I have v limited contact with S3 (text at xmas and bdays).
DH has 1 sibling. 3 year age gap. Got on growing up but limited contact since moving out in early 20's and doing their own thing. Live 45 mins apart. Visit every 3-4 months pre covid.
Both sets of parents also have contact issues with siblings for a variety of reasons mainly due to all living very far apart but relationships do have issues too.
In an ideal world DH and I would have 2 children with shared interests who get on. Due to my age and the idea of pregnancy worrying me, I would hope to TTC DC2 6 months after DC1 to get that part of my life out of the way.
However, we are aware the ideal world may not work out and are torn between having 1 DC and being able to offer that DC a good life in terms of clubs and experiences with our finances or having 2 DC and life being a bit more of a financial struggle but offering a playmate who may or may not get on.
One of each of our parents were only children. Both say they pinned for a sibling and in later life, the burden of caring for parents was tough. That being said, both were sent to boarding school from a young age and struggled with that and both were divorced at point of caring of elderly parents so did not have a partner to assist. Family with siblings still found care fell to one person but had a partner to help.
I think the question I am really asking is, for those with 1 DC, how hard is it to keep DC entertained? Do you think they are missing out not having siblings? For anyone with 2x DC. Do you ever feel it would have been easier with 1 or would you still have 2 every time?
Thanks for reading this appreciate it is v long! Any thoughts are greatly appreciated. I fully appreciate many factors are beyond our control but even trying is a huge decision.