How Do I Get Back To Work???

[helloandthankyou]

Hi all,

I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month year old. I naively assumed that once my 3 year old started school, I would be able to work again.

I have since learned that the village we live in has no breakfast club or after school club running and only one local childminder for pick ups who is always full.

I will need to be at the school for 9am and again at 3pm and I don’t know of any jobs that will allow me to work these hours?! I live in a rural area .. nursery’s all have wait lists at the moment... I feel absolutely lost.

I never wanted to be a Stay At Home Mum (there’s nothing wrong with that but I’m rubbish at it and need to work to balance my mental health)

Can I ask how you all manage it?? I have been looking forward to a time where I can work again (I’m a hard worker and had a good career) but it seems that my working days are over for the next 18 years and I’m desperate. I’ve been crying all night thinking about this.. I didn’t realise how much this would affect my pension..

Please be kind, I realise I was naive in thinking I could work as before but I am also very sleep deprived and at home alone with a toddler and baby x

Just wanted to send you lots of hugs firstly.

It can be possible and I think where our mental health can suffer is if we feel we don’t have any choices and situation is beyond our control.

With that in mind I’d make a list of all possible choices you could make EVEN if you think ultimately they aren’t for you (it’s more empowering to think “I have lots of choices I choose not to take” rather than “I have no choice”.

Eg:

• could you move somewhere with better childcare (I live in a city so there are numerous childcare providers of all sorts within a short distance including extended hours/flexible settings)?

• if you have a partner, can you work around their hours?

• if you have a partner, can they take a career break so you can work?

• can you look for part-time work?

• do you have any friends or relatives who can help with childcare?

• can you focus on retraining right now, doing part time studies from home?

• can you look for working from home jobs?

Etc etc (NOT saying all these are realistic but I am saying, put everything on the table and don’t be afraid consider a big shake up if you need one - you have more choices than you think).

I’ve been very lucky as I was a SAHM by choice for 3.5 years (husband works full time and I strongly wanted to be at home). A few months ago my old manager called me to ask me to apply for a vacancy and they were willing to negotiate working from home (even post lockdown) and part time hours (26 hours a week/4 days and I’m finish at 3pm to fit around the children’s pick ups). I recognise I’m lucky to be back in a well paid professional job in my previous career. I had assumed I’d need to retrain but it shows me that my previous skills and experience were still considered valuable. If you have worked in an office/professional environment previously you may find more employers are open to working from home arrangements going forward post Covid.

I am NOT saying most SAHMs find it this easy though and I had a few sleepless nights about how it would all pan out so I understand how you feel. In my case I had sadness about it as I had wanted/planned for at least one more year as a SAHM until my 2yo goes to preschool but I had to take this opportunity as I recognised it wouldn’t come again.

Can your partner work flexibly?

What do you want to work in? Some people work weekends only, or nights. Or two long shifts.

That sounds really tough... a bit drastic but would it be worth moving? Otherwise I think you’d have to find a job somewhere like a school, or a business prepared to let you work flexibly. I only manage because I live in a city with lots of nurseries and also my son’s school has a breakfast and after school club.

It is 100% doable but possbly not where you as it is rural. You need the extra childcare provisions, breakfast club after school club etc. Without them, or without family to help then it looks very hard

When are you hoping to go back to work OP?

Do you have a partner? Dh and I both work full time demanding jobs. We stagger the school runs. At the moment, dh does the morning one and I do the afternoon one. So I start work at 8:30, currently working from home so I go do the school run for a few minutes at 3, work until 5. In normal (non-COVID times), dh and I work long days on different days - I work 3 long days a week, while he does the school runs those days, and then the other 2 days he works long days and I work shorter ones. It does mean having a job that will support flexible working and that depends on the sort of job you have. But if you want to work and you have a partner, figuring this out is not all your responsibility and the burden of doing the work to make it happen is also not all on you.

Alternatively, I would look for a school, even further away (very few rural schools are over subscribed) that has breakfast and after school club or look into alternative forms of childcare. There is always an option, but it may cost more.

Don't panic, baby is only 3 months old (I think?) Get the kids on a waiting list now, and cast your net a bit further afield for a childminder.

My kids attend a small rural school.

Have you asked the school why no breakfast club? When our school started one it was free and run by volunteers. That built interest and as demand increased, it's now a paid job for one parent and costs a few pounds a day - it wasn't financially viable before.

A lot of parents at our school also have their younger children in nursery or childminder near their job, rather than near their home, as there is usually more choice in more urban areas.

One friend uses her next door neighbour, whose life plans changed due to pandemic and they are now set up for childcare in their even more rural village.

As it is, I work part time - 3 hours a day in the morning. I could squeeze in 4 or 5 if I used breakfast club but that's not how my employer works. So I drop off in morning at usual time, go to work, then have an hour or so to myself before picking kids up at end of school day.

Hi all

Thanks for your replies!

Believe it or not I am a freelance photographer so my work should fit around my children perfectly. Unfortunately my main clients need me to be in the studio an hour away as the models travel to there.

Perhaps I should just make a big push to find other clients who will send their products to be shot at my ‘home studio’ (the garage)

I do have a partner; he is self employed in a physical job away from the house but should be able to stagger his hours.

I just found out the school DOES have breakfast and after school club so not sure why I was told there wasn’t one...!!

It’s good to hear how you all make things work for you. I guess I’m just shocked at how difficult it still is for Mums to work. I don’t know about you all but my children will benefit so much from having a Mum who is able to step away from being a SAHM for a couple of days a week. Going to work is like a spa day for me compared to running the house!!