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Parenting

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Original poster

School is admanat that my son has highly functioning autisim

25 replies

AnxiousMum2015 · 31/03/2021 21:09

My son's school reffered him when he was in reception for an autisim assesment.
when we visited they said that they didn't see autisim but suspected that he could have early signs of ADHD. After a speech therapy appt the therapist said that there was nothing wrong with his speech and that he was correcting himself if he did pronouce anything wrong and did not show any signs of struggle or a stutter. So fast forward to now, hes close to finishing year 1. My son does have small "signs" i admit, but so does alot of children I know, he is a little emotional recently, i put it down to the change in going back to shcool, but I do not feel that he has autisim at all, and for months the school never mentioned it to me again, until today a teacher pulled me aside and said my son "Obviously has highly functioning autisim its clear for us to see" which really suprised me as I thought everything was fine, she is now doing another refferal. I don't know what to do next as obviously if he does and my gut instinct is wrong then i want him to have all the support he deserves and needs but what if we go through another assement just to be told the same thing, this particular teacher is so pushy to get a diognosis.

OP posts:

Sittinonthesand · 31/03/2021 21:13

This sounds tough for you op. The school will have lots of experience though so I’d be guided by them, a referral won’t do any harm - and even if he doesn’t haves diagnosis may give you some useful guidance.

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/03/2021 21:45

If it’s high functioning then earlier treatment might mean he develops the tools he needs to lead a relatively normal life.

orangeorangery · 31/03/2021 21:53

It may be worth trying to get a diagnosis with your side and the schools versions a professional should be able to work out if a diagnosis is necessary or not.

Are you in denial maybe? Many parents can be without even meaning to be sometimes.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education General parenting Primary education SEN

TeenMinusTests · 01/04/2021 10:10

What is it that the school say they are seeing?

HazeyJaneII · 01/04/2021 10:14

What support are school putting in place to support his needs?

School should not be suggesting a diagnosis as they are not qualified to do this.

AaronPurr · 01/04/2021 10:14

@Sittinonthesand

It sounds like a difficult situation for you OP, but I agree with this. You say this teacher is pushing for a diagnosis, but also that he was referred in Reception, did he have a different teacher last year?

SuperSleepyBaby · 01/04/2021 13:16

Whether he has autism or not, the school must feel he has issues he needs help with. What issues are they noticing with him?

Aebj · 01/04/2021 13:29

Personally I think you have everything to gain from being reassessed. If he is high functioning then the school will get extra help for him. They may loose the EA in year 2 and upwards. If he isn’t then that’s also great news . It’s a win win situation.
My ds2 is high functioning austic. Year 6 and 7 were hard for him and it was great to have an EA for him to help go from primary to high school. He has an EA in the class now and he’s year 10 . She is there for him if he finds it hard to ask the teacher questions. I’m lucky that high school is so supportive of him .
Have you also looked into him being dyslexic? Such a missed area
Good luck in whatever you choose to do

Starlightstarbright1 · 01/04/2021 13:37

I would ask what signs they are seeing in school.Also do ask what support is been put in place. They don't need a diagnosis for support.

My child has autism.i wouldn't of seen it in reception. He masks in school so not seen there. He was diagnosed year 8.

VaVaGloom · 01/04/2021 13:39

@AnxiousMum2015 sorry this must have been a surprising conversation for you OP. Did you ask the teacher what it is they've noticed? You mention you've noticed 'signs' what are they?
I know a lot of people who have had to fight to get referrals and a friend with an autistic son went through primary school with everything being treated as poor behaviour and no understanding so it's good the school are referring you. There's obviously something going on for you son, if he's being emotional, so it's much better addressed than ignored.

Original poster

AnxiousMum2015 · 01/04/2021 14:04

I was sort of put on the spot yesterday as the school hadn't mentioned anything about it since he was in reception class. Everyone we did see said that they didn't see anything. When he was little I completely saw where they were coming from but this past year or so alot of the things he has outgrown.
The things I still notice are:

He will not make eye contact.
He is very obsessive with certain toys.
He doesn't like loud noises (unless he's making them)
He cant graps things beyond himself, for example if he was a little to boisterous and knocked his sibling over and then needed 5 minutes to calm down. He would be upset more that he is in time out/calm down than the fact he has hurt his sibling.
His emotions sometimes get overwhelming and over the smallest things.

Also recently I've noticed he likes to hide when hes sad, which breaks my heart. If hrs had a bad day he will isolate himself and if I try and comfort him he pushes me away and gets very handy and angry.

I don't know what the school are still seeing because everyday I've picked him up they just tell me he has had a good day. They havent explained to me what exactly they see so I feel there is a lack of communication between them and myself.

I by all means do not want it ignored if he is autistic, but I also don't understand really where we stand due to the lack of communication. His father is in complete denial about it as tells me that he is just a lad with big emotions. I on the other hand just want more information so I can help and support him better.

Sorry for the long post and thank you for replying.

OP posts:

Lougle · 01/04/2021 14:11

Those are all pretty classic descriptions of children with ASD. What is it that makes you think he doesn't have it?

Love51 · 01/04/2021 14:13

I work with young people. I utter to colleagues "he's got so many traits I don't understand how he hasn't been referred for assessment yet". I can't say "he has an ASD" because I'm not qualified to make that assessment. I have an excellent hit rate but often I'm not sure if is asd or something else. I refer to the people who can.
In your shoes I'd follow up the referral, baring in mind a teacher isn't able to diagnose.

Grimbelina · 01/04/2021 14:16

I would pursue a full assessment if the school tell you this and without any hesitation.

Many of us have had the opposite experience where we have had to fight for the diagnosis in the face of the school telling us there was nothing wrong. If a school flags this up, with all their experience, then I would take it very seriously and frankly thank them that your DC has a better chance of getting the support they will (very probably) need and earlier.

If you have the resources consider if you can do this privately as the waiting lists can be very, very long. Also, well done on tackling it, and I hope your DH realises that a diagnosis (if indeed DC needs one) may well be in the very best interests of your DC.

SummerHouse · 01/04/2021 14:19

He is him. A diagnosis won't change that but it might help with support, understanding and tools he might need. You have nothing to lose. And you could be absolutely right that it's not autism.

VaVaGloom · 01/04/2021 15:43

@AnxiousMum2015 Also recently I've noticed he likes to hide when hes sad, which breaks my heart. If hrs had a bad day he will isolate himself and if I try and comfort him he pushes me away and gets very handy and angry

My friends son spent a good proportion of reception and KS1 hiding in the classroom cloakroom. Now he's diagnosed he has a SEN sensory room he can go to when he gets overwhelmed which is a much better space for him to be in and the staff and other pupils understand why he is there.

You may not get immediate answers but it does sound like an assessment is the right route and that he could benefit from some coping strategies for when he's stressed. In the first instance I would book a time to talk to the teacher after Easter so they can let you know how he's coping in the school setting.

Hope all goes well

GoWalkabout · 01/04/2021 15:48

Bear in mind that his strategies of hiding, if he has ASD, might be helpfully reducing sensory inputs and soothing him, participating in special interests or stimming will also be his ways to relax. A diagnosis might help his self esteem not take a battering as he needs different ways to other kids.

Original poster

AnxiousMum2015 · 01/04/2021 22:52

I just want to thank you all for your replies, I'm am so grateful and you've all made me feel a lot better.

I spoke with the schools SEN teacher today along with his class teacher and they apologised for the lack of communication and informed me of all the things they had seen which pretty much mirror what I sated above. They said that academically he is doing amazingly well and there are no concerns with his learning, speech, reading etc. Its purely his emotional and social development. The SEN teacher also told me that I am actually still on the waiting list for the second assesment, I thought we only had one but that was the initial assesment not the ASD one. This wasn't explained to me until today. I'm glad we are still on the list as it means he will hopefully be seen sooner than if he had to be re referred.

I think because he is our first child, i feel like I've let him down in not noticing sooner or accepting what could be as hes always been this way, so when the school mentioned ASD it took me by surprise. It doesnt change him hes still the apple of my eye it just means he will get the support he needs.

OP posts:

SummerHouse · 01/04/2021 22:56

you sound like a brilliant mum. He is lucky to have you. And you him.

sausagerollcake · 01/04/2021 22:56

Firstly a teacher cannot diagnose.

Secondly, if he does have high functioning autism and the school have picked it up so early that's GREAT. Management is the key to success and picking it up young will be such a good thing to set him up for success.

MixedUpFiles · 01/04/2021 22:59

He might have ASD, he might not. For some it can be a real disability. For people like me, it means I struggled to fit in as a child and still as an adult, but on the whole, it’s more an asset than anything. People who are “high functioning” tend to be able to go out and live relatively normal, it possibly unconventional lives with fulfilling careers and families.

Original poster

AnxiousMum2015 · 01/04/2021 23:02

@summerhouse

Thank you, that means alot for you to say. I am very lucky to have him, he's just the sweetest little boy. Xx

OP posts:

Branleuse · 01/04/2021 23:07

Its completely normal for it to start becoming more obvious at this age if they have autism. Sounds like the school are really on the ball.
If he gets an assessment then theyre really tborough. Try having an open mind. They wont find anything thats not there

Original poster

AnxiousMum2015 · 01/04/2021 23:09

The SEN teacher isn't diagnosing him herself, shes just been in her job role for 15 years and hasn't been wrong yet (her words not mine). She has referred him for a formal assessment which we are waiting for our second appointment which is the actual ASD assesment. I am grateful that the school have picked up on it at such a young age as he was in reception when they first got the ball rolling. They're already providing him with extra support and treating him as though he has ASD, which I feel is lovely because whatever the case be if he does get a diognosis or even if he doesn't hes being given that extra support from his school regardless.

I will keep this thread updated xx

OP posts:

chickadeeeee · 01/04/2021 23:10

My son was diagnosed with HFA at the age of 9. Academically he is years ahead but socially he struggles.

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