Which would you have rather had as a child?

[Cresida]

Which would you have rather had as a child?
An aggressive dad who is verbally abusive towards your mum or no dad at all?
My dad passed away when I was a kid so I don't remember any times when they argued. I don't know what that's like. But I'm trying to make a decision about DD life

Definitely no dad at all, definitely. 🌷

Definitely no dad at all. No question.

Definitely no dad, otherwise you're setting your child up to accept abuse in their adult relationships.

No dad

No Dad at all.

It's easier to come to terms with an absent parent than it is to deal with the trauma of being subjected to/witnessing abuse.

Both you and your daughter are worth more than that and deserve to be happy.

No dad.

I had to make a similar decision when my DD was 5ish. It was tough but I decided it would be better for her to have a positive relationship with both parents separately than to live in a house where there was (and I only recognise the extent of this now) coercive control and domestic abuse.

She had every other weekend contact consistently to start with then it became as suited him etc...or with conditions...long long story but I stupidly believed he would always do the right thing by her and encouraged contact...

She is now 13 and has not had face to face contact with her Dad for 2 years. Communicates occasionally with him via texts.

I think that says it all.

For the record she is a very happy girl now who is achieving good grades at school and has a good attitude (although particularly'switched on' in terms of relationships with friends) to life in general.

Do I believe this would've been the case if I'd stayed with her dad? Absolutely not.

Hope this helps xx

Hard to tell. I had a loving Dad, so it would be hard to compare him to no Dad. I suppose I would go for no Dad.

No dad. I’d be worried she would think that behaviour was normal.

Had the verbally abusive dad with the occasional violence. Would have preferred none.

Having been brought up in this situation myself, my feelings are complicated. Now my brother and I are adults our dad never shouts at us, but we will never have a close or 'normal' relationship.

My mum was a SAHM in the 80s and she worried that leaving him would put us in poverty, so she stuck it out until I went to uni and then divorced him.

Sadly, the damage had already been done by then as I had already put up with 4 years of an abusive, violent and toxic relationship from the age of 15. My DM was too caught up in her own failing marriage to notice what was happening with me. My reference point was completely messed up as my dad shouted at all of us nearly every day.

My brother also lived with a girlfriend who would regularly emotionally blackmail him, punch him and ended up throwing a kettle at his head, which thankfully missed and was the turning point for him to leave.

I don't think it's any coincidence we both suffered abusive relationships.

I wouldn't say I'd rather not have had Dad at all (he was also loving) but not having Dad living with us would have been better. I'd never tell my DM this, because I know she feels guilty, but part of me will never forgive her for choosing to accept an upbringing like that for us.

No Dad. In the situation you describe the child is being emotionally abused. This will be damaging your DD.