3 year old never wants to come home and now wants to live with Daddy

[Maybebabymaybenot]

Hi everyone, I am really struggling and wondering if anyone has had a similar situation before or can offer some advice or ideas as to what is going wrong please!

For most of her life, my 3 year old has had irregular contact with Daddy who has 3 older children who see him at the same time. My ex has recently started living with a partner and now has all children more regularly which is great. However my child comes to the door at hometime crying uncontrollably and saying she wants to live witb Daddy. I understand a big part of it will be seeing the older children but this also happens (to a lesser extent) with grandparents and the couple in our bubble.

It is absolutely heartbreaking and I can only conclude she is miserable and lonely at home with only me. Can anyone offer any insights please? I am finding it really devastating, I feel like such a terrible mother.

Thank you

It won't be that she doesn't want to be with you, more that she's sad that the visit/funtimes have finished. But it cuts like a knife, huh?

My GC age 4 regularly does this to my DD. Tells her crossly that she's not to come when he stays with me, and he wants to live with grandma. Reality is that when he has a sleepover he almost always has a moment when his lip wobbles and he says "I miss mumma"
Please don't take it to heart. Your LO is caught up in the novelty of being with a previously unavailable father. Part of her is probably worrying he'll vanish again.
You will always be her safe haven. She doesn't love her father "best ".
Don't panic. It's really normal for kids who move between two households to say things like this. It's no reflection on you or the love you give her.

Oh this sounds tough.

All I can say is that I have known more than one child of that age who would do this when leaving their busy cousins' house. It didn't mean they were miserable at home.

Thank you all, I really appreciate your replies and deep down I know this is right. It's just very difficult not to feel down about how my home must compare to one fillee with children and her fun Daddy who she sees too little of to realise he isn't permanently like this! Thanks again

Poor you, but believe me deep down you are the whole world to your little one, and your "boring" love and security are everything that makes her confident enough to go and see daddy and her step siblings. Have faith in yourself. In a few years it will be really clear that your DD adores you (aside from the times she is stamping her foot and screaming that ahe hates you, obviously, but we all have to deal with those times).

You get a diluted version of this when parents stay together and one is a SAHP - if one parent (usually dad) is out at work all day, they come breezing at the end of the day ready to play and be fun, whereas frazzled mummy has been multi-tasking all day and the child is frankly quite bored.

Also crying when leaving places is just a thing at age 3. My DD aged 3 would cry when we left her favourite park, it didnt mean she really wanted to stay there forever.

@RainingZen hits the nail on the head. It's tough when they want to go to more 'exciting' places but what you provide is infinitely more important to her