Struggling with sensitive toddler 2.5 yrs and loud baby 10 mnths.

[Khloemumof2]

Since bringing home our second baby, our toddler has always had a huge problem with her. I’m not speaking like a little bit of jealousy, it’s like seriously hysterical over her. I thought it would pass after a couple of months but it’s just gotten worse..
As soon as she makes ANY sound he is in absolute tears and it leaves me with both of them crying and this is 90% of my day, 2 crying children.
I’ve spoken to HV and they’ve given me all of the typical tips (make him feel involved, re assure him, make him feel special and like a big brother) none of it has worked and we’re 10 months in..
I genuinely feel like it’s just not going to stop, we have to separate them at weekends, my partner will take 1 upstairs sometimes. I feel like it’s just really taking over everything and we can’t enjoy any time as a family.
Please can someone let me know how to handle this or if anyone has been through this, I don’t feel that it’s normal :(

When I’m parenting on my own in the week it’s impossible! How do I handle my toddler being so upset about his little sister?

Any help appreciated, thank you!

Does he go to nursery or other childcare during the week?

He has just started nursery 2 mornings a week, 1 of the days I work and he goes to grandparents after with his sister. Other than that, no other childcare.
He is great with all of the children at the nursery too so it’s just his sister he absolutely cannot stand

Is he sensitive about sounds in general or do you think it’s more of a jealousy thing? I’ve had some issues with my son and have found things got a bit better since his little sister can walk and he can ‘do’ more with her.

Maybe try some background noise to merge the noise from silence and noisy baby. Ie some quiet calming music like classical or instrumental so no lyrics. Only on quietly but might help.

Some noises he hates like then blender, Hoover, he doesn’t like us singing around him either but he is ok in loud places and if it’s something he’s interested in so it’s hard to work out... I think it could be jealousy, he can’t speak yet so it’s hard to know if he understands fully what we’re saying too.. it’s just really making life hard as they can’t be in the same room! :(

I will definitely try this thank you!

Have you had his hearing checked? I was thinking if he's sensitive to certain noises maybe there's something that needs checking out further - especially if he's not talking yet.

I do sympathise with him (and you) - sometimes my 3yo is sat with his hands over his ears because of the noise coming from my baby.

I had/have this problem. My daughter was almost 2 when her baby sister was born. My eldest got very distressed by her sister’s cries. It turns out that she is autistic - she’s 4 now. I don’t want to worry you and I’m not saying he sounds autistic but I do think If he’s not speaking yet and it’s hard to know what he understands then you should discuss his development with the HV or nursery if you think there’s someone there who’d be helpful.

Huge sympathies though. It is incredibly stressful to have 2 crying children both needing you. I’ve been there and still am there often. Now my eldest is older she is able to go to her bedroom if her sister or another noise upsets her.

Wonder if ear defenders might help? Or distraction - a toy that’s been hidden away for a while, going outside where the noise might seem more diluted? It must be really hard. I don’t have it this bad but my eldest gets really upset if his baby sister wants to play with his toys or touch him. Sometimes he will go and hide behind a chair in his room to get away from her.