Any help would be appreciated

[LJJ90]

Long story short I have a 6 month old, dad left when I was 2 months pregnant and decided he wanted to be involved the week before baby was due.

Gave him short visits 5 days a week for first three months, 3 days a week for 3 months and have now dropped to two longer days (5 hours) (which is what I plan to keep it to)
This is ALOT more than I would of liked and kind of wish I'd not opened the gates to quite so much time given that he chose to leave with someone else.

Baby is also breastfed making it very difficult in general but I'm really struggling with the situation and he is still pushing for more time/days which I won't cave for.

Wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation to give me an idea of how you do it or knows if I've been fair enough in case he decides to take it further?! I've offered mediation he's said no.

So he has the baby two days per week for 5 hours? How is he feeding them? You don't HAVE to do this. No court would make you. When he's not breast feeding any more that would be different. LEt him take you to court.

This is timed around his lunch so I feed him before, he takes his lunch as he's also on solids although he does keep asking me to stop breastfeeding. I gave into pressure and can't really find a way back out of it to be honest. I wish I had sought advice from the beginning to be honest 😭

You’ve stopped breastfeeding for him?! Quickly start again and your milk should come back. You should only stop when you’re ready to, not when someone else asks you to!

And I agree that you should let him take you to court. Chances are he won’t.

Do not stop breastfeeding!! How dare he.

That request alone shows that he doesn’t have the child’s best interests at the forefront.

Can I also suggest you re-post this in relationships. You’ll get more traffic.

His stupid comment about stopping breastfeeding aside (he's on another planet, please don't do this) he does have every right to see his child and its a good thing he wants to spend more time with the baby (many don't don't bother). You need to think about if you're issue with the amount of time he sees his child is because the timings don't work for you, or if you're upset that he left you for another woman. It comes across like its the latter. That being said, you don't have to give in to his every request if it doesn't work for you, if he won't do mediation let him take you to court but you also need to be reasonable in letting him see his child more often (which it sounds like you are, although begrudgingly).

Apart from his ignorant comments and the breakdown of your relationship, is there a reason you don't want him Involved?

His involvement will generally be better for DC, mean he is more likely to be financially supportive then if absent, and more likely
to support you in your return to work which i am assuming will be coming up in the next six months? DC will also grow out of the
Baby phase and become More challenging and you may need his support and a break. A dad who wants to be involved will be more likely to do his share of nursery and school
Drop offs and pay their share of childcare costs.

I don't wish to be unkind, but she isn't yours. She belongs to both of you.
Although as the main parent you do deserve to make more decisions and make sure the arrangement is right for you.

If he wanted to go to court, they would say do mediation first. If he refuses mediation the judge isn’t going to be very impressed with him.

How does the baby seem when s/he comes back? 5 hours is a a very long time for a 6 month old breast fed baby to be without milk.

If he bring up stopping breast feeding again just repeat the same line over and over. Something like “I’m following advice from the NHS and WHO to continue breast breast feeding as it’s the healthiest thing to do for baby, so please don’t ask again.” If he asks again then say it again each time. Then if he keep asking just say “It’s not up for discussion” and nothing else.

@cookiedoughsweetiepie

Apart from his ignorant comments and the breakdown of your relationship, is there a reason you don't want him Involved?

His involvement will generally be better for DC, mean he is more likely to be financially supportive then if absent, and more likely
to support you in your return to work which i am assuming will be coming up in the next six months? DC will also grow out of the
Baby phase and become More challenging and you may need his support and a break. A dad who wants to be involved will be more likely to do his share of nursery and school
Drop offs and pay their share of childcare costs.

I don't wish to be unkind, but she isn't yours. She belongs to both of you.
Although as the main parent you do deserve to make more decisions and make sure the arrangement is right for you.

There are quite a few things that I wouldn't really like to post as to why I don't really want the baby to go anymore than he is, however it's also the fact that he had no interest until suited and I know he will be around a few months and then drop him. I know him like the back of my hand and my worry is how my child will cope.

I'm aware he is not only mine which is why I have allowed him around all together without any argument.. I didn't say I didn't want him involved?

@Thatwentbadly

If he wanted to go to court, they would say do mediation first. If he refuses mediation the judge isn’t going to be very impressed with him.

How does the baby seem when s/he comes back? 5 hours is a a very long time for a 6 month old breast fed baby to be without milk.

If he bring up stopping breast feeding again just repeat the same line over and over. Something like “I’m following advice from the NHS and WHO to continue breast breast feeding as it’s the healthiest thing to do for baby, so please don’t ask again.” If he asks again then say it again each time. Then if he keep asking just say “It’s not up for discussion” and nothing else.

When he comes back he's generally late bringing him back (which has also been an issue regards to feeds/bath/bed) and usually very fussy that night & next day. I'm just not really sure on where I stand or who to ask to be honest?