At the end of my tether with fussy eating 7yo

[Misty9]

Does anyone else who has a very fussy eater have any meal ideas? I'm at the end of my tether with dd, 7, and the school holidays mean it's more of an issue as normally I just let school feed her (or not) and do a packed lunch tea.

Before anyone says have you tried xyz, she loves cooking and preparing meals, but then won't eat them. She's involved in choosing meals, I've tried threats, ignoring it, bribes, education. Nothing makes any difference. Her eat anything 9yo brother is becoming more fussy now, possibly her influence, and I'm ready to tear my hair out with it all.

She will eat:
Chicken nuggets, battered
Pasta
Pepperami
Cheese. Allll the cheese
Most fruit
Cucumber
Cherry tomatoes if not too squashy. Not cooked tomatoes
Risotto (but not rice)
Chips, sometimes
Burgers, sometimes
Wraps
Ham
Olives and other salty things
Pizza
Macaroni cheese (favourite meal)
Tinned carrots (no other kinds)
Bolognese and mince based things
Chicken on the bone
King prawns
Pancakes

That is it. Nothing eggy or saucy, doesn't like food touching. Obviously will eat crisps and chocolate. But not sweets. Yes, she's highly likely to be neurodiverse like her brother and dad...

Help!!

I know it seems like a lot of things she'll eat, but it's making meals out of it that I really struggle with. Maybe I should list what she won't eat, because this is what makes meal planning difficult. Plus what I can't eat.

If anyone wants to humour me and suggest meals from that list, I'm all ears!

From your list, you could batch cook bolognaise and risotto and have several portions in the fridge. My own DD really doesn't mind eating the same meal several days in a row, or you could alternate them - it would mean preparing pasta each day for bolognaise.

Will you all eat pancakes? You can have those with all sorts of things - definitely including pepperami and cucumber.

Other meals she could have plain pasta with pepperami/cheese/nuggets and cucumber/tomatoes/carrots depending on how much effort you want to put in - not every ingredient needs to be cooked.

All of the above contain protein, carbohydrate and veg, so balanced enough!

I think if you think of a meal as carb + protein + veg. Keep it simple.
I'd consider plain chicken + pasta + sliced cucumber a meal.

That sounds fine to me. I've known two children who have only eaten sausages and yoghurt respectively. The paediatric advice was to let them as they wouldn't do it forever.

I have a child who really doesn't like to try new things. She doesn't like variation. I do feel very restricted by her at times. Two things have helped me. The first was having a friend who is an amazing and adventurous cook who also told me that she was a very fussy eater as a child and that the best thing that ever happened to her was having a mum who didn't make an issue of it and let her eat plain pasta, or whatever. The second thing is reading a book about fussy eating which suggested that as long as your child eats the main food groups pretty well and covers most of the main vitamins, there's no point being concerned about the fact that they won't eat whatever fruit you currently want them to eat. If they eat, say strawberry, apple and orange there's no point stressing that they won't eat plums as all the things that plums have are contained in the others.

I'm now seeing her trying new things occasionally because I adopted an approach along those lines. It's frustrating and limiting but I really felt I was creating a potentially bigger problem than the one I had. She was three when I decided that. She's thirteen now. I'm glad I did. It's who she is..

Day 1. Bolognese
Day 2. Chicken with chips and carrots
Day 3. Macaroni cheese
Day 4. Nuggets, wraps and cucumber
Day 5. Prawns and risotto
Day 6. Pizza with cucumber/tomato
Day 7. Meatballs? (Mince based?) and pasta
Ham/cheese/pepperoni/cheese/olives for lunch plus fruit
Any flexibility on similar items? DD will eat pitta breads and bagels too

I'm in a bit of a different situation as it's just DS 10, DH and me but I am very restricted with what I can eat and DS is very fussy. He eats even less than on your DD's list and has a hard time with textures. I meal plan every week and add in something he'll like at least every other day. The hard part is that on the days it's not something he likes he HAS TO AT LEAST TRY IT. One bite, that's all. I can tell from his face if he genuinely hates it or its just unfamiliar. Korma has become a tolerated meal this way while cauliflower has been confirmed as disgusting. He has to eat most of his tea or he doesn't get anything else. If he doesn't eat that's his choice. There's no stress or drama around it anymore but I do still find it frustrating. I do cook something easier for him if we're having a particularly challenging meal. I have to remind myself to play the long game and hope he'll grow out of childhood without too much trauma around mealtimes.

DH just piped up when I mentioned your post 'Yeah, we're the experts [total sarcasm]'.

@Beamur

Day 1. Bolognese Day 2. Chicken with chips and carrots Day 3. Macaroni cheese Day 4. Nuggets, wraps and cucumber Day 5. Prawns and risotto Day 6. Pizza with cucumber/tomato Day 7. Meatballs? (Mince based?) and pasta Ham/cheese/pepperoni/cheese/olives for lunch plus fruit Any flexibility on similar items? DD will eat pitta breads and bagels too

Thank you, that's the sort of inspiration I need. It sounds stupid I know, but I've hit a brick wall with even thinking about it! She won't eat any other bread products. Ds won't eat bolognese but he'll eat other stuff.

I don't think I've explained myself properly, I really don't make a big deal of her fussiness, and I don't worry that she's not getting enough nutrients etc. In fact, a few years ago she was at the paeds for a different reason and the doctor had a go at me lightly about her diet. I said, she's growing, she's energetic and she's happy. I'm not going to force the issue.

It's just the actual day to day feeding - including of myself!

See, I’m not averse to making mealtimes a battle - or at least a heated debate - when required. Kids need to learn that refusing good food is pretty bloody rude, especially if it has been made by a parent who has been working or otherwise busy all day. Expecting a parent to be a short-order restaurant cook, providing a different meal for every family member, is also completely unreasonable. You have to learn to like new foods and be willing to try everything and, if somebody has been kind enough to make you a meal, make a bloody good fist of eating it, even if you don’t like it.

I, too, loathe mealtimes OP because DS1 (8yo) is also fussy, and it has taken many years of battles to expand what was a very limited range of foods, and I am a very keen (and, may I say, bloody good) cook who did NOT expect to have a child who would scream at the very carefully considered and prepared meals I make. DS2 is less fussy than DS1, but, like yours, I think he picks up on his older brother’s dodgem tactics with food and decides to be a pain more sometimes than if it was just him. It has shown me how much food refusal is behaviour they think they can get away with in the hope of eliciting their beige and sweet favourites, not just palate.

My absolute lifesaver was sitting down and over the course of several days going through all of my recipe books and coming up with a nine week meal plan, six days a week (one is my night off - a takeaway or, in the Before Times, going out to a restaurant). Basically, start at week one, then week two etc then start again back at week one - I’ve got virtually no repeated meals, apart from a couple of favourites in that lot so nobody gets bored. I’ve put a shopping list down the side of each week as well to avert that shitty job each week. I’ve barely had to plan meals or shopping lists for years.

I put each week up on the fridge so the DCs can see what is coming and they know that is the ONLY option. If I get the slightest whinge, the response is, ‘I don’t care. Guess you’ll be going hungry that night?’ You can flip between what your DS and DD will eat then and they’ll just have to steel themselves. Do NOT do the Mumsnet thing of offering fruit/toast/cereal later or she’ll just refuse what you’ve made and hang out for that (mine would). If she goes to bed hungry a few times, she’ll survive - she’s not a toddler where you might be tempting night wakings. I’m now past the point of letting mine refuse a meal altogether - they eat at least three bites of what I took the effort to make or they lose a toy/privilege (they’ve pretty much learned from that now, too, so I don’t often have to do it anymore). It has to be done within a 15-20 minute timeframe as well so they don’t sit there moving food around the plate until it’s cold, extracting the odd plain bit of pasta to make me think they’re eating properly (I am not fooled). Water only with meals so she doesn’t guzzle milk to fill up. And, yes, I will use pudding as a bargaining chip to try new foods. I’m sure I’ll get some grief on here for that but I don’t care what the current accepted wisdom says. I have got DS1 trying and eventually enjoying many new foods this way and have been able to phase out the ‘treats’ needed to get him to eat them. A child has to try something at least seven times before they develop a taste for some things, so whatever it takes to get them to taste it...

Your 7 year old eats a way more diverse diet than me 🤔

@ElphabaTheGreen I don't suppose you sell your list?!

I've been known to use pudding as a bribe for eating broccoli - she'll nibble the tree part, I didn't include it in the list as it barely warrants it. But she is as stubborn as her mother a mule and will happily go hungry if she doesn't like what's served. Only water with meals and I rarely do separate meals as always swore I wouldn't pander in that way. But it's increasingly tempting, just so I get something vaguely interesting!

That’s loads of food!
My 7yo eats 4 things from your list, plus crackers, jacket potatoes and very specific toast.
Family meals are just not a thing in our house. Well, we all sit together at the weekend and he sees what we eat but he had one of his few things.
My five year old eats packed lunches and happy meals. And all the fruit.
It’s soul destroying.
I was the same as a kid. I grew out if it. So I’m not stressing about it.

I'd plan for the week so both you and the kids know what's happening.

@Misty9 It took me aaaaages to do but was worth every second. Best thing I have done to ease mum guilt and make my life so much easier (the thought of meal planning and writing a shopping list each week used to make me physically ill).

1. Make the biggest list you can of every meal that meets your dietary requirements and is enjoyed by one/other child (your DH is an adult - he will eat what is put in front of him!)
2. Separate them out over several weeks so you have an even spread of both variety and ‘easy’ meals and ‘battle’ meals in the same week. Eg I can see DS1’s heart sink when pepper potato tacos come up (he has learned that whinging is futile...) but looks ahead to pesto pasta later in the week which makes up for it, in his books.
3. I make every Friday soup night which I’ve batch cooked. Both DCs pretty much hate soup. No shits given. I’m tired on a Friday, we’ve usually had cake or something else calorific at work and I just want to stick something in the microwave. With persistence, they will now actually eat and grudgingly enjoy minestrone, tomato soup and carrot and lentil. They would love to just eat the accompanying bread - that gets withheld until half the soup has gone (although, again, I haven’t had to do that for a while as they have learned I won’t put up with fussiness).
4. Put your shopping list down the side of each week

Job’s a good ‘un.

This is not a fussy eater. My nephew eats cheese and Mayo wraps, chocolate pillows, kfc poppers (no others) and a certain brand of chips. That's it. Every single day. Thank God for paediasure milk shake.

Mine are teens, & it's not so much fussiness as that one is a meat loving veg hater, one vegetarian & one pescatarian. Plus they all like/loathe different vegetables & salad options - eg one won't touch tomatoes but loves all cooked veg, one likes all salad but can't bear anything cruciferous & so on. & on...

What works for me - & has since I was dealing with fussy 7yos - is family dining with everyone serving themselves.

So if I've made veggie chilli (batch cooked so quite possibly out of the freezer), I also shove a few chicken thighs in the oven for the carnivore ds. Or if I've made bolognese, I dish up a pan of pasta alongside the bolognese in one pan & a vegetarian tomato sauce in another for the dds.

I don't make a salad - I get the kids (on a rota) to prep bowls of different salad stuff, so everyone can help themselves to the combo they like, & add dressing at the table.

If it's cooked veg, a multi layer steamer means the carrots don't touch the peas don't touch the cauliflower & so on.

So basically, everyone gets to take stuff they'll eat & we eat together.

Leftovers become school lunches (pasta in a flask etc) or turned into soup - luckily two of mine will happily eat almost any veg combo if I turn it into soup.

It's undeniably a bit of a faff. & yes as a keen cook I would love to serve up an amazing curry or lasagna & watch everyone tuck in so there's that. Although it eases as the dc get older & take on more responsibility for prepping/cooking. But I'd rather have everyone round the table helping themselves to whatever they'll eat, & be ingenious with the leftovers, than have a fight on my hands when honestly, if dd1 hates mushrooms, say, do I really want to make that the focus of the evening?

@ElphabaTheGreen I might sit down and do that tomorrow (btw, no DH )

Breakfast is sorted today at least (we're doing Easter today as they're at their dad's next Sunday)

Here is an idea.

On weekends, batch cook two meals (one for DS one for DD) that can be refrigerated and reheated. Divide into plastic containers for the fridge, and reheat a serve for each kid at mealtimes.

For mealtimes, make something you like that can be put in the middle of the table and that you can serve to your plate with a serving spoon or tongs.

Make a little more than you can eat in case one of the kids serves themselves some. You can always cover it up and have it for lunch next day.

If you can include something in it that one of the kids might like that's good. Eg if you make a salad you can include some sliced cucumber. At least this way you don't have to try to construct an entire meal out of items they both will eat.

If they do serve themselves something you might be tempted to praise them but I believe being neutral and not ever noticing is better. It can just be normal.

You could also ask if either of them want to help you cook your meal, being involved will make it more likely they will want to try some of it.

Best of luck!!

I read this earlier and came back to post as DS is similar and it is so frustrating. I'm not worried about him as he is healthy & growing and his food intake ticks all of the main nutrition boxes but it is just really limiting for family meals and I find it so annoying that I spend all of this time meal planning, shopping, cooking etc only to end up with a meal I don't particularly want to eat as we're always catering to the lowest common denominator which is DS.
What I've slowly come to realise with DS is that the plainer it is, the better it is. We've introduced new foods in the past year or so as I realised he will eat pork chops, lamb steaks, steak, grilled chicken etc. None of those are cheap but it's fairly simple to cook and DS can have it as it is whereas I might marinade mine & DD's or serve it with a sauce. I serve peas and broccoli with every single meal but will also do some different veg for me & DD.
I also now have a few Cook ready meals in the freezer so, on the nights I just can't be bothered to do umpteen variations on the same thing, the DC have pasta or a nuggets or something and then I'll have a Thai curry or something later on. Again, expensive but I'm fortunate that we can afford it.

@Whoateallthechocolate

I read this earlier and came back to post as DS is similar and it is so frustrating. I'm not worried about him as he is healthy & growing and his food intake ticks all of the main nutrition boxes but it is just really limiting for family meals and I find it so annoying that I spend all of this time meal planning, shopping, cooking etc only to end up with a meal I don't particularly want to eat as we're always catering to the lowest common denominator which is DS. What I've slowly come to realise with DS is that the plainer it is, the better it is. We've introduced new foods in the past year or so as I realised he will eat pork chops, lamb steaks, steak, grilled chicken etc. None of those are cheap but it's fairly simple to cook and DS can have it as it is whereas I might marinade mine & DD's or serve it with a sauce. I serve peas and broccoli with every single meal but will also do some different veg for me & DD. I also now have a few Cook ready meals in the freezer so, on the nights I just can't be bothered to do umpteen variations on the same thing, the DC have pasta or a nuggets or something and then I'll have a Thai curry or something later on. Again, expensive but I'm fortunate that we can afford it.

Exactly - it's the limiting aspect for meal planning which causes me most frustration! I share care with their dad so when they're not here I treat myself to a fortnightly mindful chef recipe box for a couple of meals.

It's been macaroni cheese for lunch today and I've put off food shopping until tomorrow 😂

I would bulk cook food you know she’ll eat; she can have that most days and won’t cause you too much effort and try bits of food you’ve cooked for yourself if feeling brave.

My son went through a phase where he ate
2 types of food. I fed him that, and kept offering bits off my plate and now he’s up to about 15 different types of food.

I've heard several stories recently about children and teenagers losing a lot of their sight due to vitamin A deficiency.
Does she eat any of these?
Eggs.
Fortified breakfast cereals.
Fortified skim milk.
Orange and yellow vegetables and fruits.
Other sources of beta-carotene such as broccoli, spinach, and most dark green, leafy vegetables.

She eats cereal most mornings and satsumas occasionally