A desperate plea for advice about 8.5 mo sleep

[GuessHowMuchI]

Just asking in case there is anything else I can do here apart from wait it out. I'm a clueless first time mum.

DS 8.5 nearly 9 months has always been a good sleeper and I'm beginning to realise we may have been spoilt. He used to wake up once a night, and occasionally slept through, so we were optimistic things would only get better. However - 8 month sleep regression hit! Or it's a developmental leap or whatever. Anyway, his brain is WIRED!! I can tell he's developing so much and really changing.

At night it's like a different baby cor the last few weeks. He goes down ok but around midnight he wakes up, sometimes crying for milk, but often wriggling, rolling, gabbling, babbling, shouting etc etc. When it becomes clear he isn't going to settle by patting / ssshing we then try him with some milk which he drinks and gets drowsy. Back in the cot and we try to sleep only to wake 10 minutes later doing the same thing. He often rolls onto his tummy and then can't get back over and cries loudly. If we put him back on his back he just does it again! This goes on for hours. Sometimes he is just loudly babbling so we try to leave him, but sometimes he is crying which we don't want to ignore. Out of desperation I've held him in my arms and rocked him to sleep (which I wouldn't normally do) but even then he only seems content to sleep in my arms and as soon as I put him back in the cot he wakes up within 10 mins and starts all over again.

I've had 2 hours sleep the last few nights. The worst was last week when I went to bed at 10.30, baby woke at 11 and I was awake thereafter.

Please please tell me this is just a phase?!! 🙏🙏 Should we be dealing with this differently? Is there anything else we can do? Can I help him?

Thank you! X

Cosleeping and white noise are things that have worked well for my DDs.

Thanks. I did try him in the bed with me but he was still doing all the same stuff, just right next to me!

Oh god, 8-10m was the HARDEST stage for us (and yes, unfortunately OP it lasted 2 full months for us - hopefully it'll pass sooner for you). Prior to 7.5m, DS slept 12-14hrs in his cot without calling for us after being breastfed to sleep, no sleep training and contact naps during the day since the 4m regression. We were also VERY spoilt until that point haha.

We got through it with some cosleeping (although often DS would only sleep IN my arms with my boob in his mouth which meant I couldn't sleep), having DH walk him around the house even though he wouldn't fall asleep for him (so I could get 30-60m of sleep so I could function at all), and I took naps with DS during the day. None of these are a solution, just ways to make it easier. The most important thing is to prioritise your own sleep as much as you can... IF you can sleep, DO. If you sleep better when you've had lots of time outside in the day, make sure you do it even though you're exhausted. and I know you won't want to, but cut out caffeine as it will help make the sleep you do get more beneficial

After 10m, it gradually got better and better. We moved him into his own room at 12m which set us back again a bit, but DS is 13.5m now and wakes once or twice at night, sometimes sleeping through.

Obviously you could sleep train if you want, OP. There are gentle methods or more formal/strict ways, but as I was a SAHM and DS is our first and lockdown, it felt easier and more natural for us to just lean in to his needs and ride it out. I appreciate that not everyone would be able to though, and I doubt we will be able to should we have another.

@GuessHowMuchI

Thanks. I did try him in the bed with me but he was still doing all the same stuff, just right next to me!

It’s really hard but if you can ignore it and go to sleep then they soon fall asleep too.

Thanks @pregnantncnc really helpful insight. We did sleep train - if that's what you call it. I got him into a routine quite early after 3 months doing the trust technique (pick up put down) and he's always been able to self settle since. It's just that everything has gone out of the window since he turned 8 months. It's like he's a different child! Sounds like you had the same thing.

So as we already did the trust technique I'm not sure what else we can do on that front iykwim.

Yes, absolutely, I remember saying exactly the same thing when DS was 8m (that he seemed like a different child!). If pick up put down has worked for you before, could you try it again? Not sure how successful it would be at this age.

Beyond that, 8-10m is a huge developmental phase with SO much going on in their tiny brains that they probably deserve a little bit of grace (but only as much as your sanity will allow!!!), and you'll most likely notice improvements as he masters new skills etc (I did!)

You could try dream feeding him at 11pm, so before he wakes to fill him up and see if that helps him sleep through. Otherwise just cope any way you can safe in the knowledge this is just a phase which soon will pass.

It is a phase. It will get better. Honestly, just co-sleep, because you will both get more sleep. When he wakes up at midnight just get him in bed with you. You won’t ruin him - it will all pass.

Thank you @EasterIsComing for your suggestion. I think at the moment the way he is so wired, I'd be reluctant to dream feed as i strongly suspect he'd wake and then stay awake.

@edgeware

It is a phase. It will get better. Honestly, just co-sleep, because you will both get more sleep. When he wakes up at midnight just get him in bed with you. You won’t ruin him - it will all pass.

Thank you @edgeware gosh I hope you're right and the phase ends soon! We are exhausted!