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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

17 replies

Mymummy20 · 25/03/2021 21:25

My little girls dad is not currently seeing her. I stopped contact due to his drug taking and my newborn(at the time) daughter returning home smelling of weed and smoke. He is also very open in telling the whole of Facebook he ffing loves "cocaine" which obviously does not fill me with great confidence when I'm passing my young baby over to him. I tried to resolve smoking issue but was met with abuse and court threats rather than sorting the actual issue out. He is still sending aggressive tones messages saying if I don't answer him and let her see him he's taking me to court and he's having her 50/50 and his solicitor has told him this is 100% going to happen. That i will just make myself look stupid in court when he walks out with shared custody of her. I did seek some legal advice and was basically told not to worry that he's probably trying to scare me into letting him see her, and that any solicitor would never give their client a 100% promise of an outcome. Am I being unreasonable stopping contact? Do you think I should just agree with him and allow her to see him again?

OP posts:
PinkSparklyUnicorn · 25/03/2021 21:31

Allow her to watch her dad sniffing cocaine and smoking weed? Why would you do that for? Of course you are not unreasonable to want to stop contact! This is wrong on so many levels... How can you even be sure that she is safe with him? I'd get some legal advice to get him to court and out of my children's life asap... I hope you have started gathering evidence... Good luck to you and your daughter.

Thatwentbadly · 25/03/2021 21:31

No, you’re doing the right thing. Let him take you to court. Make sure you are claim maintenance.

Original poster
Mymummy20 · 25/03/2021 21:32

@PinkSparklyUnicorn

Allow her to watch her dad sniffing cocaine and smoking weed? Why would you do that for? Of course you are not unreasonable to want to stop contact! This is wrong on so many levels... How can you even be sure that she is safe with him? I'd get some legal advice to get him to court and out of my children's life asap... I hope you have started gathering evidence... Good luck to you and your daughter.
We have a file of evidence he isn't very subtle when sharing his social life on Facebook or Instagram. I absolutely know I need to protect my baby, I've just had a few people tell me I'm in the wrong for stopping contact.
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Original poster
Mymummy20 · 25/03/2021 21:33

@Thatwentbadly

No, you’re doing the right thing. Let him take you to court. Make sure you are claim maintenance.
I didn't think you could do that without them being in the birth certificate he hadn't bought her a single thing
OP posts:
PinkSparklyUnicorn · 25/03/2021 21:38

They are not in your situation, it's easy to give sweeping know-it-all statements. You already know you need to protect her, so it's just a question of getting it all done officially so you can move on with your life. Trust yourself: you are doing what you are doing for a good reason, not out of spite.

RandomMess · 25/03/2021 21:40

If he isn't on the birth certificate that is the first thing he will need to sort because at the moment he doesn't even have parental responsibility.

supersonicginandtonic · 25/03/2021 21:41

Hi, I'm a family safeguarding practitioner in a substance misuse team. I deal with issues like this on a daily basis and work very closely with social care.
You have absolutely nothing to worry about. If he is openly bragging about taking drugs etc, the most he will get to begin with through the courts is supervised contact. He'd have to prove himself and social care would probably want to do a safeguarding assessment on him.

Original poster
Mymummy20 · 25/03/2021 21:52

@RandomMess

If he isn't on the birth certificate that is the first thing he will need to sort because at the moment he doesn't even have parental responsibility.
No he isn't on it 🤷🏻‍♀️
OP posts:
ILoveYou3000 · 25/03/2021 21:55

No he isn't on it

Then he's lied to you about the solicitor and is just trying to scare you. His first step would be going to court to have himself added to the BC. Then he can apply for contact. Chances are he's trying to scare you into submission.

Original poster
Mymummy20 · 25/03/2021 21:58

@supersonicginandtonic

Hi, I'm a family safeguarding practitioner in a substance misuse team. I deal with issues like this on a daily basis and work very closely with social care. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. If he is openly bragging about taking drugs etc, the most he will get to begin with through the courts is supervised contact. He'd have to prove himself and social care would probably want to do a safeguarding assessment on him.
Things like this don't fill me with great confidence my babies safe and being well looked after 🙄
OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 25/03/2021 22:14

@Mymummy20 honestly even if he was granted any contact it would be a very very long process. And by supervised, I meant a contact centre not by family.

Original poster
Mymummy20 · 25/03/2021 22:17

[quote supersonicginandtonic]@Mymummy20 honestly even if he was granted any contact it would be a very very long process. And by supervised, I meant a contact centre not by family. [/quote]
He told me to expect a call from his solicitor by Wednesday(17th) and I obviously didn't so I got " oh just to remind you you wouldn't even have our baby girl without me." And then "you'll never ever be forgiven for this." I am worried that a judge would give him want he wants and my baby not being safe, she's 4 months olds nearly 5.

OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 25/03/2021 22:21

Screenshot and save all the things he sends to you. And the things on social media.

Original poster
Mymummy20 · 25/03/2021 22:22

@supersonicginandtonic

Screenshot and save all the things he sends to you. And the things on social media.
I have I have a file of it all printed out and dated ect
OP posts:
Original poster
Mymummy20 · 26/03/2021 06:37

@ILoveYou3000

No he isn't on it

Then he's lied to you about the solicitor and is just trying to scare you. His first step would be going to court to have himself added to the BC. Then he can apply for contact. Chances are he's trying to scare you into submission.

I did have a feeling it was to scare me..but then I don't know why I'm scared he obviously doesn't see a problem with his drug taking or he'd be discreet about it as apposed to sharing it all over social media. I thought he'd grow up by the time she was born but no we've have no end of trouble.
OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 26/03/2021 06:48

Take everything with a pinch of salt! I know it's worrying but in my experience, these kinds of men are all talk and never follow through on their threats.

Grettle · 26/03/2021 13:53

If he’s not on the birth certificate and doesn’t have parental responsibility he can’t do anything. If you decide she isn’t safe and stop contact he can’t do anything about it.

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