3 yr old - regressing re pooing - she is now desperately trying to hold it in

[jennyjane]

At my wits end - my 3 year old was potty trained fine - no problems. However she is now desperate not to have a poo - she will avoid it at all costs, she stands stock still bracing herself and clenching to avoid having one(so she knows it's coming) invariably this leads to many tiny accidents a day and lots of pooy clothes and pants. Tried asking her what matter is - she seems to say whatever she thinks will work - eg "It was an accident", "I didn't get to the toilet on time", "I'm frightened of the toilet" - most of these it is pretty clear are not true - for example she makes no attempt to get to the toilet, she tells me to go away if (whilst she is clenching) I ask her if she needs the toilet, brought the potty back out too.
This has been going on for about 4 weeks now and I think started when she had a very small accident at pre-school that was not picked up on, so by the time I got her home, she had a very sore bottom (she has very sensitive skin)- feel I've tried most approaches - ignoring, understanding, talking, cross, disapointed, bribery etc (maybe I'm not being consistent for long enough ??). Any other ideas anyone - was hoping it was a phase but as time goes by am loosing the will, also aware I am going to start getting angry soon, which of course is not going to help matters. Am 4 months pregnant (which she seems excited about) and want a break from poo before I start with the nappies again - HELP please

Sorry you are going through this. I had similar with my ds. I think they ARE scared, but only of pooing not peeing in the right place. In the end ds did poo in the right place, when he was 4. I don't know what triggered the end of his reluctance - bribery came into it, but I'd been bribing him unsuccessfully for months by then ...

Only advice: keep her stools soft by plenty of fibre and fluid in the diet. If she gets hard stools she may get an anal fissure and they aren't nice. Also, if the stools are soft enough she may not be able to keep them in and you may catch one in a potty. Sometimes that is enough to teach them that it's ok to poo in a potty or on the loo.

I can sympathise with you as DD (also 3) went through something similar. At one point she didn't poo for a whole week. My advice would be to ake the pressure off her as muuch as possible.
DD refused to poo either in a nappy or in the toilet. No idea why but perhaps she felt too much under pressure. Eventually we convinced her to poo in a nappy again, then one day she announced by herself she would do it in the toilet, and did, several times. This is a work in progress though as she now wants to use nappies again. We are leaving her to it (apart from offering the odd bribe) as ANYTHING is better than a constipated child and, haviing read up a bit about it on here and elsewhere these problems can go on for years.

It might be that she has already been constipated and it has hurt. If so, she now needs to get to know that it will be okay to go and won't hurt. It might be an idea to take her to the gp. If she gets into the cycle of holding it because she's afraid it will hurt, the longer she holds it the more solid it will become and it will hurt, the more she will be likely to hold it in. If it is because of this then it's very important to break the cycle asap before it becomes more serious.
I am posting this as my dd is being treated for encopresis due to constipation as a toddler. She would stand there, obviously holding it in and also having lots of 'accidents' as the soft stuff forced its way around the solid stuff.
Maybe not the case for your dd but something to be aware of.

Sorry for not responding sooner - connection been down for a few days - thanks for replying all - don't think she is or has been constipated, I think this started with the very sore bottom that then made it hurt to poo - guess I thought once she'd been a few times without it hurting (even if it was in her pants)she'd go back to using the loo. Anyhow - will up her fluids and fibre a little, remain cool and calm, and I think also check in with the GP if no change by the end of this week (though shape of poo seems fine). Was initially worried about taking her to the docs if it was a psychological thing in case it made it worse, but think you're right. So all - thanks for the sympathy and the advice - I will cross my fingers !!

My dd goes through odd phases of this. Thankfully they are usually for a short time. She has been potty trained for over 18months and there seems no rhyme or reason why. Sometimes I think its because she doesn't want to stop doing what she is doing. It generally sorts itself out but I found tons of praise when she does go and talking about it helps. the only major trigger I can see that really links is the odd time when other family member have not noticed her need to go to the toilet and then it can set off because she gets stressed about it.