Help - 3 year old is the boss

[Onfyre]

Since I became a single mum and having to deal with the emotions around the break up (not my choice) and my mental health spiralling, I’ve realised that I just give in to my 3 year old to keep the peace and now he doesn’t listen to a word I say. He laughs at me if I tell him off, he’s started waking up loads in the night, wanting a hug, a drink, anything to prolong not being asleep. He’s an angel for his dad as his dad has always being firm and have boundaries. I feel my boundaries with him have gone and I’ve created a rod for my own back.
How do I get it back? I feel at an absolute loss at the moment and that coupled with the lack of sleep, depression and work, it’s really taking it’s toll on me. I’m exhausted and doing the bare minimum to just survive at the min

I feel like I'm the same with my 3 year old DD. Hope someone can advice us..it's scary and I feel like crying all the time...

It’s awful isn’t it @faithfulbird20 I feel like I’ve lost all sense of control! I have a 10 year old too and she was a dream compared to him. Doesn’t help when you realise your doing it wrong and feel guilty for it. I just feel like walking out of the house some days. It’s like a viscous circle, don’t get any sleep then has a knock on effect with my mental health and the tiredness means I eat crap so I’m also gaining loads of weight on top of that arghh

Im sorry you guys are having a difficult time. Life is hard at the moment, life is hard with toddlers and breaking up is so hard. Can you form a bubble with someone and get a break?

The waking up for a hug sounds like insecurity. A lot has changed for him too. Can you just pop him into your bed when he wakes up? Then you can cuddle him in and go back to sleep yourself.

The book how to talk so little people listen is really good.

When my DD turned 3 I felt like I’d lost all control and I read that book how to talk so little kids will listen and it really helped me both to think of ways to address behaviour but also to be realistic about what to expect from DD and why these things were happening.
My DD is now nearly 4 and recently we made some house rules and that helped bring some of the boundaries back in. We also agreed what would happen when the rules weren’t followed. I framed it positively in terms of “listen to each other. Speak kindly - don’t shout” etc

Thanks for the replies, I have download a book called how to speak so little people listen and just using some of the techniques today has prevented a lot of melt downs!

I always recommend this but there is also a really good podcast called Unruffled by Janet Landsbury, there are loads of episodes on different topics and I think she’s really good on setting boundaries in healthy and respectful ways

I found that once routines and boundaries are in place things became lot easier.
When Ds got up in the night he was reminded that it was sleep time. I didn't put the light on, I wasn't smiley and fun. He had a small tumbler of water if he needed a drink.
I was very stern. I know many people may not agree wuth that approach but after a couple of nights it worked. There was no fun to be had getting up. I had a colleague whose child was the same age and she would come in to work knackered every day. Turns out she was up with her kid from 03.00hrs putting videos on and playing games because she didn't want to say no or upset her child.
Obviously if your child is ill or having a nightmare thats different but you need to break the night time cycle in my opinion.
If he is not listening I would talk quietly and calm and put age appropriate consequences in place.

I guarantee it will be hard at first. He may claim that he didn't hear you but stick with it. You need to be firm and consistent. You can still be a fun,Oving mum but I think this is the age the learn to respect you, the house and the rules.

It is easier doing it now than trying to implement in a few years time. Its too late then.
Good luck. Don't beat yourself up. You have enough on your plate