I feel like I've broken my toddler

[ArtemisBean]

Three weeks ago I gave birth to my little girl. I knew DS (age 2.5) would have a hard time with it, as he's always been very affectionate with me (DH works long hours so isn't around as much). I had a c section so I've been pretty immobile for the last three weeks and I'm still not allowed to pick him up. I'm breastfeeding constantly so it must feel to him that the baby is always getting cuddles but Mummy can't even carry him to the car! Not to mention that the terrible twos have hit with a vengeance since Christmas. The poor little guy is dealing with so much and I just feel horrible that I can't give him as much attention as before. He has a cold (as do I) this week so everything is magnified, but it just seems to be relentless tears and grumps right now, day and night. My happy little boy has disappeared and I feel like it's all my fault! DH is doing his best to pick up the slack but he does tend to lose patience after a while, and it's Mummy that DS wants all the time. Does anyone have any advice for a new mum of two whose hormones are out of control? DH goes back to work on Monday and I feel like my little family is in tatters!

My youngest lived in a sling for the first few weeks and months (and fed in there most days), so perhaps that would help? That way, baby gets cuddles and good, and you can still do things with your toddler, go to the park etc.

Realistically, it's not viable to never pick up your toddler for 6w, but just do what your body is comfortable doing, and as safely as possible. I started off at about 2w lifting from standing, so was able to put my 2yo on the swings in the park, lift into the car etc, but I didn't walk whilst carrying until about 3w pp (and only in a sling in my back, so minimal twisting, spread weight etc). I'd your body isn't happy (it's not worth straining yourself over) then out a pillow on your lap and have him climb on whilst you're sat down.

There will be times they everybody cries, been there, it's rubbish,but they do eventually pass.

Don't be afraid to let your toddler watch too much TV, but also, if you can make it out to the park, go for a stroll etc then it's likely to help your toddler feel happier and aid your recovery.

Do you have any family or friends who could take him to the park/for a walk and make a fuss of him for an hour or so? It would give him the chance to be centre of attention every now and again, and will give you a breather at the same time.
If not, then how about family who would zoom him for a bit? Perhaps a grandparent could read him a story via zoom and chat about his day.

They say 6 weeks but mv expect you to try getting back to normal at 4. If it hurts you wait a bit longer. Have a chat with your hv and see what they say

The first few weeks were really tough for DD after baby DS was born; all she wanted was me and to be lifted up as I couldn’t do that yet she saw me carrying the baby around. It did get easier at around 3-4 weeks, slowly at first but then even more so especially when baby DS was happy to lie on his playmat and I could play more with DD. I found keeping her bedtime routine just for her helpful and just giving cuddles as much as possible.
I found it was more helpful for family or DH to take baby DS for a bit rather than try and take DD. I also used to talk about how great it was being a big girl who could eat treats, run around, go on the swing etc while baby DS couldn’t do any of that yet.