If you have children that get on well, HELP!

[notaknob]

5(nearly 6) year old and 7 year old.

At each other's throats. Constantly bickering and arguing, whining and shouting.
If one says red then the other says blue.
Every single time one speaks then the other has to chime in and cause an argument.

Eldest has autism but not sure if that's relevant.

I'm trying my absolute hardest to parent this. I really really want them to just get on.

Help me! Please!

If you've been through this and come out the other side, what did you do?

Sounds stressful. I’m very fortunate my 2 (same ages as yours) get on really well. However it’s certainly not down to parenting, it’s just pure dumb luck that I have one more high needs child and one laid back one and they get on well. Their personalities just gel.
So I’m not sure there’s a huge amount you can do other than consequences for bickering every single time. Or a reward chart for getting on well or speaking nicely etc. It’s very hard at the moment, everyone is stuck indoors a lot and spending way more time together and it’s intense so that’s probably not helping.

I really recommend the book 'Siblings without rivalry' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Also their other book 'How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk'.

@tdm1 thank you so much! It's going im my basket straight away! Did it help the relationship between your kids?

My two hated each other at that age but woe betide the fool that tried to get between them, that remained true throughout their childhoods (the stepping between them thing rather than the fighting). They are now adults and are really close, I have no idea how though.

DTs drive me INSANE. They are either on top of each other playing and being lovely and cute or on top of each other and trying to kill each other. No happy medium. The stuff they can say to each other is just horrible. It's not helped by the fact they are cooped up together all the time at the moment.

They're 10, I'm dreading the teenage years.

I'm going to buy that book now.

[quote notaknob]@tdm1 thank you so much! It's going im my basket straight away! Did it help the relationship between your kids?[/quote]
I've found both of the books really helpful, although 'WITHOUT rivalry' might be a little idealistic!

I have two age 8 and 6. They do get on well but also argue a LOT especially towards the end of lockdown.

They get on best in the mornings when nobody is tired. Also when they haven’t seen too much of each other eg the first week or two of school holidays. By the end of the holidays it’s a different story.

If possible keep them apart when it’s a tricky time (eg tired or hungry) and it’s just descending into arguments. Separating them for a while and insisting they each do their own activity is more likely to work at these times.

Also I think it helps if I listen to their complaints and help with solutions. eg is one always trying to be in charge? if so then maybe they need to take turns in who gets to choose the game. Is one always winding the other up? if so then that one gets told they won’t get played with if they are deliberately annoying. Is there one special toy they don’t want to share? Fine but they have to share others. Etc. They are still working the social rules out.