It all went wrong tonight

[again2020]

Had a bad couple of hours with DD (3). Her dad picked her up from nursery and she was ok but when I got home she was acting up, kicked my drink away from me, smeared greasy hands over everything and wouldn't get into her pyjamas. I was trying to hold her and dress her and she was kicking my stomach and prizing my fingers away from her and at one point she pushed my thumb back and it really hurt.
I lost my temper quite a lot 🙈 she has a cardboard she made into a house and I told her I was going to throw it away and I put it in the garden and screamed at her to put her pyjamas on 😥 I instantly regretted it.

She was crying and saying go away mummy. Her dad had to sort her out for bed, I tried to talk to her later but she didn't want me anywhere near her.
I don't have a good relationship with my partner (anyone who's a regular on relationships might have seen my name before) and he's been passively gloating saying oh look you hurt mummy's feelings...we can't have that can we (sarcastically) as I've been crying ever since.
I know as soon as DD is in bed I'll get called a terrible mother etc. Maybe I am.
Please can anyone tell me how to fix this with DD?
I'm absolutely gutted and can't stop crying.
Thanks.

Please try not to beat yourself up about it; we all have difficult evenings and do things that we regret. In the morning I’m sure she’ll be fine with you but I’d have a chat with her about what happened and how you don’t like getting upset and you don’t like it when she gets upset. My 3 year old will often come up with ideas of how we can stop the same thing happening again and while I’m not sure her ideas are always logical its something I read in a book that can help.

Oh you poor thing, that sounds like a very stressful evening ☹. Please don't be too hard on yourself, everyone's been in that situation when they're that age. You're not a saint, you lost your temper, that's ok. You sound like you have a lot of extra stress with your partner, that definitely doesn't help. You deserve better, and speaking from experience, it's better to be by yourself than with someone who makes you miserable.
Just go and give her a cuddle and say sorry you lost your temper. You'll both feel better..and ignore your dh.

If that makes you a bad parent I don't know what I am lol. Kids do test you especially at a young age so please don't beat yourself up about it. My 5 year old says she hates me recently because when she's naughty doesn't like getting told off. Once she realises why she was told off, runs away laughing. Parenting is so many up and down moments.

The only thing I will say is at this age being independent is very important to them. So she really needs to dress herself even if it takes forever or she makes odd choices.

Don't beat yourself up about it, we all lose it every now and then. The bright side is knowing that you love your baby and your baby loves you. If she's still up, go and apologise to her and reassure her, give her a cuddle. If not, by morning she would have forgotten all about it.

It's good to always remind yourself that when they're acting up there's usually a reason, for my DS it's tiredness so I just rush him to bed before we piss each other off.

I would fix it by leaving your pig of a partner, your DD does not need to grow up around that behavior.

Your partner is verbally abusive so your child is being abused by virtue of being brought up in an abusive household.