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Violent language from 10 year old - should I escalate this?

3 replies

Nevermakeit · 22/03/2021 12:21

My DS has just turned 10.
He is a good boy, does well at school, kind to his little DS (ag 7 and 5)etc, and we are a close and loving family and have a good relationship with him.
Over the past few weeks, however, he has flown off the handle on multiple occasions, and his verbal violence is escalating. During arguments, he regularly comes out with 'I have you / you're the worst mother in the world' , which although unpleasant I consider relatively 'normal', to now language which I consider as much less normal. A couple of weeks ago he said 'I want to kill you', and last night there was a big argument which culminated in 'I want to kill you, I want you to suffer, I want you to break your back' (we had had a conversation about people breaking their backs jumping in to swimming pools earlier in the day). He then continued by saying he wanted to kill himself and jump our of the window.

To be clear, I have absolutely no concern about any of our physical safety. He is absolutely not violent physically and I simply marched him up to his room to go to bed, and 5 minutes later, the thing he was most upset about was the fact he was missing out on chips.
His main objective is to wound with words - and what I do worry about is whether in years to come, this desire to hurt with words escalates into something physical. And also to understand why he seems to have no filter when he is very upset (he was especially upset yesterday).

I am very tempted to take him to a child psychologist, for anger management, and to show him that this is unacceptable behaviour - my husband is not keen, saying that would be 'over-medicalizing' the problem, making it into a massive deal that then won't really be resolved anyway.

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?

OP posts:
BlueChampagne · 22/03/2021 13:37

I would wonder what he has been watching or playing. Maybe start with teacher rather than child psychologist. But yes, I would escalate it.

janeluvswine · 22/03/2021 14:35

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DancesWithDaffodils · 22/03/2021 14:48

I would guess he might be struggling with something, and lashing out with violence is a way of communicating something he cant quite verbalize.
When he is in a calmer mood, I'd have a chat with him (I'd go for a walk with DS1, cook some biscuits with DS2), and do some probing about what is going on, and how his words make other feel.
I'd also contact school, and let them know there has been a big change in personality/ attituse/mood and you are concerned.

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