Should I ask for child support?

[Beth199]

So my ex partner and I broke up a few months after having baby, we agreed that dad would have him overnight twice a week. We chose dad's two days off work as they were the easiest for him and I was taking a career break after maternity. He used to pick him up about dinner time and being him back dinner time the next day, however the past two months he's been picking him up at 2pm (which is the latest he can pick him up, as he then needs to leave to pick his other son up from school) and bringing him back at 10am the next day. So not even a full 24 hours.

He leaves for work at 3pm, I understand he might want some time on his own before work to get ready and eat but 5 hours??
It's really getting to me now as I work mornings, finishing at 12 dinner time. So he takes baby to my mums. But then I have to feed him dinner every day, even the days dad's supposed to have him and a lot of the time my mum has to give him breakfast because dad says he would eat it at his but he eats loads with myself and my mum.

I've asked him to start bringing some food when he drops him off for his dinner, but he keeps 'forgetting'! I'm thinking I should tell him that he either needs to spend more time with his baby or give me some money to buy his dinner/breakfast.

I don't want to cause any problems between us so I'm not sure if I just leave it how it is. I just don't think it's fair for baby to only be at dad's overnight and not during the day. Am I overreacting?

But then I have to feed him dinner every day, even the days dad's supposed to have him and a lot of the time my mum has to give him breakfast because dad says he would eat it at his but he eats loads with myself and my mum.

Sorry that's supposed to say dad says he WON'T eat it

I think you’ve got it all wrong. He’s supposed to be paying you child support. He gets a discount if he has him overnight.

But you shouldn’t have to ask him for child support. He should be paying it already.

The dinner thing is minor quibbles. He is supposed to be giving you child support.

Unless he has the baby 50/50 then he should be paying towards the child anyway. Don't take into account about 'rocking the boat'
It's about what your child is entitled to and deserves.

Of course he should be paying maintenance. Why wouldn't he?

We had the understanding that he would pay for baby when he has him and I would pay for baby when I have him, instead of child support.

Of course he should be paying maintenance. Why wouldn't he?

He has probably convinced OP that he is doing her a favour.

@Lessthanaballpark

Of course he should be paying maintenance. Why wouldn't he?

He has probably convinced OP that he is doing her a favour.

He has in no way convinced me he's doing me a favour. As I said we made the agreement that he would pay for him when he has him and I would pay when I have him, I realise he gets the best deal out of that but I was fine with this. The problem is now that he's not wanting him for a full day.

We had the understanding that he would pay for baby when he has him and I would pay for baby when I have him, instead of child support.

It doesn’t work like that. There are expenses, such as nappies, clothing and later on childcare that go on beyond the time that you are actually with the child.

Who currently pays for clothing? For nappies? Who has given up their job to look after the child?

If it were 50/50 then maybe you’d have an agreement to both pay childcare/clothes. But no. He is getting off easy.

How much do you think he spends in 24 hours compared with you the other 6 days per week? Use the CMS calculator to see how much you should be getting and then apply via them to get the child maintenance

Clothes, we pay for our own... so he pays for clothes he wears at his house and I pay for clothes he wears at mine. I always put him in dad's clothes when he's going there so I always keep my clothes. Everything else is as I said, he pays for him when he has him and I pay when I have him.
My childcare is my mum as she doesn't work and is happy to do so, his childcare is his responsibility on his days.

I get that he was getting off easy from the start but we both agreed to it then.

I don’t get this. He should be paying maintenance and paying for the child when he has him. It shouldn’t be either or.
I understand you’ve agreed to that but I’m not sure why

I realise he gets the best deal out of that but I was fine with this. The problem is now that he's not wanting him for a full day.

Why are you ok with that arrangement?
What happens if your mum can't have your ds?

You're being played.

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

I don’t get this. He should be paying maintenance and paying for the child when he has him. It shouldn’t be either or. I understand you’ve agreed to that but I’m not sure why

At the time I didn't realise that maintenance was still paid when dad had him on certain days, I thought it was only paid when the father didn't see the child or weekends only. I thought with him having him twice a week he wouldn't be paying so him paying for him when he had him was best. I've only looked into it today and found out that anything less than 50/50 should have maintenance.

I understand that people don't agree with what we agreed at the start but thats what we both agreed and it's all in the past now.

Well it's clearly not in the past is it, or you wouldn't be asking whether you should be asking for child support! Best advice is to go on the CMS website, and put in some figures (his earnings, how often he has DS etc) and go to your ex with a suggestion. If he doesn't co-operate, go through CMS and make a formal claim.

This is very wrong.

It's calculated on nights. So if you are the resident parent (you are) then he pays you maintenance for the nights per week you have your son. He doesn't pay for the nights a week he has him.

The maintenance money is for you to provide food and accommodation and clothes for your son. It's not for bog extras such as school trips this is an additional cost to him if he agrees.

The maintenance money is calculated at the minimum by the child maintenance agency (CMS). Please put your details into this do you understand what he should be paying you. You are really not in a good position and I'd recommend oh change this to a regular maintenance payment ASAP.

If he isn't in agreement, and he doesn't have to agree, you can get the CMS to sort this directly with him.

This needs formalising ASAP. Don't let him think he's doing you a favour, he's really getting off Scott free at the moment.

You should be getting at least 10% of his wages each month on top of him having his child twice a week.

Sorry for my cynicism OP. I speak from bitter experience.

But it does seem like you need to renegotiate your arrangements

Things change and so does responsibilities and behaviours.
is that mutual agreement in writing?
I needs to be.
If you can work together and receive your entitlements great, I hope you do receive exactly what you should be?
If he is telling you what you will receive and limiting his contact without suiting you both you do not have to accept it.
Hence CMS
Is the dad able to make up a lunchbox of snacks or contribute to a supermarket voucher
You need to be able to communicate together to sort out this or via your mother
No food- increase the payment.
Keeps ignoring you- cms or re wrote your agreement and payment amount.
Btw I hope you aware you are entitled to change the arrangement?
You owe the dad no favours nor does he have to make it suit only himself.
Take the advice on here because it is your and your child's welfare here no one else's.
I would be on the calculator now checking it out.