DD keeps bringing other children’s toys home

[Anonandonandonandon]

DD is 5, almost 6. Year 1. She has started bringing small toys home from school quite regularly. She says her friends have given her these, and I completely believe that. She’s kind and well-liked and I’ve asked one or two of her friends when I’ve had the opportunity, but I’m really uncomfortable with it.

I have been asking her to return things to her friends after a couple of days, and so far, this has been fine. However, today she has come home with 3 toys (from 3 different friends) and is in an absolute state over the fact I’ve told her she needs to give them back.

I’ve explained that it’s not really fair that she should just take things her friends offer her. She’s now stomping around the house in floods of tears declaring that there’s nothing she could possibly give up as a swap. I’m not totally sold on swapping anyway. I’m sure the school don’t really want the kids taking things to school and I’ve always stopped DD doing this. I think I’ve generally been successful in thwarting her attempts, checking her pockets and school bag and spotting the bulges in socks from hidden trolls that’s she’s attempted to smuggle!

I think Friday exhaustion is at play in her particular reaction today, but I wondered how anyone else deals with this toy exchange business?

We nipped it in the bud quickly as 5-6 year olds don't really understand the implications of giving a toy away and invariably want it back after a few days or the parents are cross that they gave a much-loved something to another child etc.
Like you said, taking things from home isn't ideal in the current climate either. Have a word with the teacher and perhaps there could be a class talk about this.

@stuckinarutatwork Thank you. I’ve just e-mailed the teacher as an FYI. I wasn’t sure whether it was worth bothering her with, but I think you’re right. Something simple now could stop bigger problems later on.

Are you absolutely sure she's been given these? It's very odd that so many different children keep happily giving her their toys. Is it perhaps a case of her asking her friends to bring things for her? The reaction and the story itself is strange and something just seems off. Absolutely check with the teacher and maybe other patents what's happening x

My school are really strict about children not bringing things in from home. Could you ask the teacher on their thoughts and see if they can put something on a class newsletter or something about not bringing toys? Its a virus risk for one and it always ends in tears even pre covid.

@imalmostthere

Are you absolutely sure she's been given these? It's very odd that so many different children keep happily giving her their toys. Is it perhaps a case of her asking her friends to bring things for her? The reaction and the story itself is strange and something just seems off. Absolutely check with the teacher and maybe other patents what's happening x

Yes exactly this. Something seems unusual here.

I would deal with it quite firmly. As in "Hi teacher, this toy found its way home last night. DD says it belongs to Tabitha. Can you see that she gets it back?". Every time. It should stop quite quickly.

My DS used to take the odd toy in at that age, and almost always there was a 'friend' who convinced him that it would be a nice thing to do for DS to give the toy to him. It drove me crazy as DS didn't want to give up his toys, but the other children would make him feel guilty if he didn't hand them over. I eventually would go in early to pick him up and retrieve the toys from the other children's bags or cubbies without comment, and then stopped DS from taking anything in at all. I definitely think a word with the teacher is in order - if they cannot stop children from bringing in toys, they can at least be aware of the issue and try to stop it happening.

Having worked with infant school aged children the "givers" are usually reluctant and when asked will admit that they didn't really want to give away the item in question but felt they had to when the other child asked them for it.
We have rules that children must not bring their own things from home in case they get lost but sometimes they forget and do bring in a small toy but it is not encouraged.

She has definitely been given them. Absolutely no question. The other children swap things, she’s not the only one taking things home. It’s only because I confiscate the things she’s tried to smuggle in that she hasn’t given anything in return. She says she draws her friends pictures instead. I know this to be true. Her teachers describe her as extremely kind and thoughtful also. If it were my other child, I’d not be so sure!

I actually think the reluctance to return is because she doesn’t want to offend or feel excluded from this swapping arrangement. She’s very sensitive to peer pressure at the moment and complains about wearing/ not wearing certain things as I know she has been teased a bit about her PE trousers (a little on the large side, but best I could find!)

Anyway, the teacher will know come Monday and we’ll work it out from there. We have parent consultations next week too, so I’ll raise it. I’ll also check with the parents, as they are all lovely.

Sorry op, I really find it hard to believe several children are happily giving up their toys for nothing in return. It it was one child maybe, but several, and 3 different children on the same day? You DDs reaction really speaks of something else going on. As pp said, if asked I'm sure several would confirm they wished they hadn't given things away.

The children shouldn't be bring personal toys into school. Might these actually belong to the school?

@imalmostthere

Sorry op, I really find it hard to believe several children are happily giving up their toys for nothing in return. It it was one child maybe, but several, and 3 different children on the same day? You DDs reaction really speaks of something else going on. As pp said, if asked I'm sure several would confirm they wished they hadn't given things away.

Fortunately, I don’t really need you to believe it, if I know it to be true!

The parent who most of the toys have come from has replied and told me she is aware that her child and their wider group of friends have been taking gifts in for each other, that their child is not upset, that DD didn’t instigate it and that she is personally not worried at all.

I think from DD’s perspective, I’m just the spoilsport parent who won’t let her take her toys in! I hope she doesn’t find out it was me who told the teacher