Help - we've forgotten how to deal with a 2 year old!

[VirginiaWoolf]

Feel so daft - DS is our second child so perhaps we should know what we're doing, but when DD was 2, DS was a newborn and we just scrambled through the days somehow and I honestly remember very little of it.
Anyway, DS (was 2 in August) is being 'very 2' at the moment - it's all "NO!!!!" and running off and doing things he's specifically just been asked not to do, and we're finding him very hard to handle. It's making me sad, because he was a charming, easy going baby and I really miss that

Today I hit a new low when I smacked his leg - was changing a dirty nappy and he kicked at me a few times, told him not to, and then he drew his feet right back and just deliberately donkey-kicked towards my face really hard, I just moved away in time. I've not smacked him before (our policy is not to) but somehow it was an instinctive response ( which tbh shocks me) and I'm not sure what else I could have done, mid yukky-nappy. Feeling really horrid about it now.
Sorry, I'm waffling - but what should we be doing? The 'naughty step' doesn't work at all, he thinks it's great fun. We try to ignore low level irritating stuff, give masses of praise for good stuff, and tend to remove our attention as a punishment, IYSWIM, but he's running me ragged ATM.
Help, I'm sinking!

Hi - can really sympathise, my DD2 had the terrible 2's from about 18 months through to just about now 'ish (3 in 2 weeks). All the usual tricks with our first worked but with DD2 it was the complete opposite - and like yours can be extremly lovely and cute, but within minutes child from hell. One punishment I find does work (90% of the time) is the naughty corner, and having to face it. She really hates it so does seem to have an affect. Good luck .

It's soooooo hard, isn't it? I find myself looking at him shocked by the extremes of frustration he provokes in me, yet I love him so much.
We did try a 'naughty step' but he would offer to go and sit on it anyway, so that didn't work! It was just the bottom step of our stairs, nothing to do/look at so not exactly interesting for him, so we gave up. Wahhhh!

oh you poor mummy. lots of us in the same boat, two-year olds are mini-teenagers without the logic .

how about we concentrate on you for a bit - are you feeling low because of your little terror or is the behaviour seeming worse because you are not 100% yourself?
i don't want to plant ideas in your head but having suffered from pnd i know that the capacity to deal with 'challenges' as a parent drops enormously when something is affecting your own health and outlook

if you are sure it is totally the little person's attempts to wind you up, and how you are reacting to it, then why not try walking off when he starts? the one thing that my ds's hated (and still do, now 4 & 7 yo) is when their 'audience' goes walking away it really does put their bonfire out very quickly. With dd (2 next month) selective deafness works a treat.... but being a girl she does love to talk and be the centre of a conversation. It isn't much fun having a conversation with someone who just goes "no" all the time so i just shut up and see what she does. usually she forgets what she was saying no for

try giving him something to play with when changing nappy like book or small toy.

Dont beat yourself up over the fact you smacked.

my two year old wouldn;t understand the anughty step at all. No great suggestions but much comeraderie and fellow feeling Think you just have to persevere with the reinforcng good behviour and trying to ignore bad behaviour.

Thank you for responses. Am still unhappy that I smacked him; still not sure what the 'right' thing to do would have been (it was a very dirty nappy!). Gigglewitch - very thoughtful post; was it aimed at me or myjobismum?
It's great to get the support on here, I know there's no magic answer but it's so good to feel that it's not just me......

Suspect that myjobismum and I both have a low self-esteem thing going on here, each of us not wanting to assume that such a lovely post was intended for her.....

myjobismum - well, very glad if I made you smile! And of course you matter. I've just seen your other thread - didn't post as I didn't want you to think I'm a stalker - and I really feel for you.
Absolutely a shame we can't meet up for a mass scream; sounds fab!

The smacking thing has really shaken me. Keep telling myself that it was one smack, and the way it made me feel means that I won't do it again, but my feelings at the time were overwhelming and unpleasant

If all else fails

1. Naughty step. If moves, then

1. bedroom. If moves, take a favourite toy away OR

1. Strap into buggy and leave in hall.

I find we have a tough few days, then hes an angel for weeks, then tough few days.

Good luck what ever you do. Its hard.

you.VW. or anyone who it may apply to??

have just re-read whole thread. seems there are a lot of us thinking we are awful parents

noticed that nobody has been round to tell you off for smacking him?!

we have all been there, y'see. chances are you know what made you do it (and i don't mean "he kicked me" - look at all day or all week if you want the answer) and one thing you can be sure of is that you know why. it is your call how you use the information. Beating yourself up over it won't help anybody, though talking / posting about it probably will, and deciding in your own head how to deal 'next time' - cos there will be one, is far more positive.

Thank you, thank you all. Thoughtful and kind messages. Gigglewitch - you are a perceptive soul! TBH I'm not brilliantly happy in myself at the moment, and whilst DS' behaviour has become more challenging then I guess I don't seem to have the resilience I've had in the past to deal with things.
Have pondered long and hard this evening. Thank you all for your support, it means a lot.