how do I disipline my 2 year old drama queen ?

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter is 2.5 and has delayed language. She can rarely make herself understood and finds it extreamly frustrating. She is quite clever in other ways, she can count, say the alphabet (very unclearly) and knows lots of shapes and colours etc. She also has very good hearing. The problem is her temper. She has huge tantrums at the slightest things eg getting out or in to the car, having her nappy changed, not being the first in to the house, you name it realy. We never give in to her and this is what causes her to cry. I find it so frustrating. I use time out and put her in her room. She calms down in there usualy but I don't know what to do when it happens in public, I would be greatfull for any advice as she is our only child and I don't know anyone else with children. She is a lovely little girl, very loving and caring and as good as gold (between rages).

There isn't much you can do. It's a phase, and she will get over it. I'm not a fan of discipline for children so young. Just be calm (hopefully) and consistent.

Many people will tell you to ignore tantrums, but it depends on the child. It never works with mine. He just gets worse. So, from a very early age, before comprehension really, I have always explained to him what is wrong with his behaviour.

Eventually the penny begins to drop. Honestly

She sounds like my dd1. A drama queen is the right description! It does get better, I promise, she's now nearly four years old. I also find time out helps calm her down. Routine and consistency are vital. You're right not to give in to her, but I find a reasonable compromise helps if it's possible. Try not to shout - I know how hard that is sometimes - but it never helps!

Speak in simple clear language, and give her enough time to respond. It is incredibly frustrating for them when they can't express themselves very well. Keep her occupied and do plenty to use up her energy - walking is great.

My dd1 has had some awful tantrums in the street, and there's very little you can do when this happens. Leaving her on the spot and walking away doesn't work and may mean that she runs out into the street. Several times I've carried her kicking and screaming home. But as I've said, things do improve.

I don't really use time out as a form of discipline - I use it to take dd1 out of the situation so that she'll calm down. It does work, it also helps me to calm down because these situations can be incredibly stressful.

I say to sometimes use a reasonble compromise if possible rather then 'never giving in to her' because it will help her feel as though she is being listened to and that may help her to feel less frustrated.

Hi belgo, what do you mean by reasonable compremise? I've tried bribary and counting to ten before punnishing her. It's a bit hit and miss.

I suppose it depends on the situation. For example, I never force my dd1 to wear a coat or hat or whatever if she doesn't want to, on the premise that she'll wear it if she's cold (she never seems cold!)

And of course lots of attention and praise when she's being good.

I don't find bribery works as my dd1 still doesn't really understand the concept, and it's only likely to lead to another tantrum when she doesn't get the bribe.

You say that she has tantrums having her nappy changed - maybe she's ready for potty training?

I just thought I'd add, She is very well behaved at nursery, she goes twice a week. They don't have the problems I have with her. When I come to collect her though 9 times out of 10 she leaves kicking and screaming.

I also let my dd1 choose her plate and cutlery (but don't give too many choices as too many choices may be confusing), and I let her choose her own clothes as long as they are reasonable.

She is very strong willed and I think that being too strict about every little thing may only encourage the frustration and rebellious behaviour.

Again, she sounds like my dd1! The creche and nursery school have never had any problems with my dd1, she saves all of her tantrums for home or in the street very close to home! In that respect, we are lucky

The routine of the nursery suits my dd1 very well.

Oh believe me I've tried with the potty training, but that could be a separate thread altogether!! She would rather wear wet clothes all day than sit on the potty/ toilet. I have read so many books and tried so many things. I will speak to health visitor I think.

I also spoke to my HV about my dd1's behaviour, she was actually a children's behavioural specialist, and she really helped explain my dd1's behaviour. I found that once I understood why my dd1 was behaving as she was, it helped me cope with her far better.

Sometimes it helps not to "discipline" but to be there in the situation, and just take time quietly to think about whether there's any way your child can achieve what they want to, or any way you can help them to do so, without anything dreadful happening (like not wearing a coat, or taking an extra ten minutes to leave nursery or whatever it might be).

I agree with everyone else, it is a phase and also you don't need to discipline her as such imo.

Sometimes when she is frustrated I think empathy works well so saying that you know she is frustrated and being calm and kind about it and trying to find ways to resolve whatever the issue is; saying I know you feel cross/frustrated/sad etc and also sometimes a redirection of interest to jolly them along.

Thanks everyone for your advice, I think once she can make herself understood verbally she will be a lot better. I feel the need to act on her behaviour in public because she gets so many looks and comments (which I find very anoying) She looks older than she is and is often mistaken for a 4 year old. She is very tall and has quite long thick hair.