How can I stop comparing my baby to others?

[squashie34]

As the thread title suggests I'm just after a little bit of help really.

I have a 7month old baby and have been so lucky to be part of several groups with other mums who had babies around the same time (NCT group/local WhatsApp group) - with the lockdowns these have been such a support but now that the babies are getting older and reaching milestones I can't help but find myself comparing and wondering why my baby isn't reaching those milestones at the same time.

My baby for example shows no desire to want to crawl, doesn't want to get into 4 point kneeling (she's still very stiff) and instead lies on her tummy and stretches to reach toys and pivot. Now that many of the babies who are slightly younger are so close to crawling and are getting on their hands and knees, I'm losing sleep and worrying myself sick that something is wrong with my baby.

I suffer from anxiety and if I'm honest with myself probably some PND since the birth and the s* mat leave we've been handed of being stuck at home with nothing else to keep me occupied accept my baby's milestones, and I really don't want to fall down the rabbit hole of worrying and not enjoying my baby. She's happy, she's talkative, she has taken to solids so well but I'm ignoring this and just finding myself comparing them feeling like an awful mum for not helping my baby enough 🙁

My midwife once told me babies are either strong/early in talking or walking but it's unusual to have a child advanced in both. No idea if it's universally true but was certainly the case for my two sons. Both have been slower developing than their peers but at 2.5 years they've caught up and are doing really well. I, like you, stressed for months over the things they weren't doing but they got there in the end.

A nurse once told me if they're getting better at things, even if it's slow progress, there's no need to worry. Start becoming concerned if they stop making progress and seem stuck in a phase for an extended period, or if they start losing skills they'd previously been able to do. Sounds like you're doing all the right stuff and she sounds normal tbh. Try to relax xx

@knitting774 I'd say throughout the day she probably does about 2.5 hours - normally in 30/40 minute bursts- I think this adds to my worry about why she isn't crawling when she spends so much time down there 😅

Don't worry different skills develope at different speeds in some kids. I hated that my daughter never crawled (bum-shuffled from 11 months!) and was a very late walker. But she was fine and caught up eventually. In other areas she was average or above - she just needed longer to get moving!

OP my DC didn't move at all til 16 months when they walked. Didn't crawl or bum shuffle, hated tummy time. Not even sure if they rolled tbh. Ended up at vocational dance school. I know it's hard but really try not to worry. I can imagine lock down makes it very hard not to worry.

I think the most important things you can do are talk to your baby, and look at lots of books together.

I totally understand where you're coming from, had PND myself. Have you spoken to your HV?

Babies develop at their own pace! DD was crawling by 7 months, my friend had a baby the same age who didn’t crawl until they were over a year. Both of them started walking within a week of each other.

Look around at all the successful competent adults you know. Do you have any idea when any of them started crawling or rolling over? It won’t matter a year from now and it definitely won’t matter in 20 years time. Try not to worry and just enjoy your baby

My baby could commando crawl before 6 months but he still didn’t proper crawl until 8 months.

He couldn’t sit up until 8 months!! Other NCT babies sat still nicely and played with toys, where as mine was just trashing the joint but would crash backwards if sat.

Although he crawled on the early side, he didn’t walk till 13 months, so didn’t hit that milestone any earlier.

Later he went on to focus on fund motor skills and language, but didn’t have the confidence with gross motor skills like climbing and jumping.

Now they are 3yrs old and you honestly couldn’t tell who did what first. Literally made no difference at all.

The gross motor skills are easier to spot in a baby, but they can only focus on one skill at a time so your baby is probably doing something more subtle (fine motor, language etc). Be assured, she’s definitely working hard on something, even if you haven’t spotted it yet. And at some point she’ll decide that crawling is the next thing she wants to do.

You will always compare.

But the important thing to remember is; Babies are a one trick at a time deal.
You’ll notice that you baby will learn something, like how to clap.. then they’ll learn a new thing and it will seem like they’ve forgotten how to clap but it’s just because they’re concentrating on their new trick.

It’s the same with physical and mental development, your baby may not be crawling yet, but it’s only because your baby is learning something else at the moment whether that’s a physical or mental thing. Babies pick up what bits of their life they want to learn at different points.

My DD was an early crawler and Walker; however her speech and word development is behind compared to other babies her age. I know she will catch up as I know that all her effort is being out into her steps at the moment; I’m just a bit jealous and impatient waiting for her to start saying more words, or to learn how to colour, use a spoon, make animal noises ect. Lots of these things she can’t yet do but the others can.

Your baby is not behind on anything; they have simple decided to excel in something else first.

I think 7 months is actually on the early side for crawling, from what I remember researching when I was beginning to worry about ds, the average age for starting to crawl is something like 8.3 months! Ds didn't even attempt to get up onto all fours until a day or so after he turned 10 months but was crawling at lightning speed within a week and took his first steps just before his birthday! He's about to turn 17 months and is running and climbing everywhere so has clearly caught up on his gross motor skills! He also had cracking fine motor and communication skills from sitting around like a potato for 10 months 😁

@knitting774 I'd say throughout the day she probably does about 2.5 hours - normally in 30/40 minute bursts- I think this adds to my worry about why she isn't crawling when she spends so much time down there

I’ve been doing 20-30 minutes a day. It sounds like I need to do so much more!