To feel guilty about not enjoying my child.

[whatevenissleepanymore]

The relentlessness of parenting and all of its responsibilities really have ground me down as a person. I dread my days off from work when I know I have a solid day and night of constant tantrums and finding endless tasks to keep them occupied - no time to relax or do anything I enjoy.

Everything just seems so much hard work. Does anyone else feel this way? It makes me feel an overwhelming amount of guilt. Truth is I really miss my pre child life where I could watch Netflix in peace with a hot cup of tea and shower for as long as I liked and lay in on the weekends and not be up with peppa pig blaring and battling with a 2 year old at 6am.

Can anyone relate?

I think modern parents are expected to go to ridiculous lengths to plan their kids' entertainment. When I was small, I played with the neighbours outdoors, read books and used my imagination. That said, children aren't something to enjoy like a hobby, they're just mini humans to be raised. Joy that may or may not come with it is secondary to the process.

Toddlers can be utterly delightful..... But equally, looking after them is often very intense and boring. You don't need to feel guilty about the lack of enjoyment. Why add another negative emotion. Rather, you should give yourself a pat on the back for getting on with doing the right thing by your child, even though it most definitely is not a series of perfect Instagram moments.

I tend to get through the toddler days by tiring them out in the first half of the day with some intense outdoor exercise or play. Then lunch and a nap and a bit of TV (and no, i don't feel guilty for that... It allows them to wind down). The nap and TV time should give you some room to breathe. Also, as they get older, they can play a bit more independently, so there's something to look forward to!

Bump

There's not a whole lot to enjoy right now. I have a 2 year old whose been up since 5.30 (this and every morning). Normally I can cope with the long dulls days by looking forward to other things- trips out to see friends or to the zoo or a holiday. Now that there's none of this then it can feel utterly relentless. I feel you. Don't feel guilty, expecting joy is only going to make you feel worse. Maybe you'll get the odd joyful moment in amongst the dreariness, but essentially we're living in Groundhog, only worse, because he managed to make every day slightly different. Every day for us is literally the same!

Well I hated all that baby & toddler stuff - always felt like I was doing it wrong/ felt relentless/ the tantrums sent me over the edge / neither of mine slept and DC1 was up for the day at 5am for YEARS ! I absolutely loved it when they started Reception & I went back to work (which I should have done years earlier!) and I’ve enjoyed parenting ever since - even my stroppy pre-teen is a million times easier to deal with than she was as a 2 year old.
I think I had some undiagnosed PND tbh but we all got through it eventually 🤷‍♀️ The days were long but the years went quick!

I have an 11 month old and can relate. Parenting is just exhausting sometimes and feels so relentless. Every day is pretty much the same and there’s barely a moment to yourself.

I find it gets so much better at 4. You can do more with them, they van entertain themselves too

I hear you. To be honest the older mine gets, the more I like parenting. From the start I encourage independence playing because although I want her to get joy out of playing with me, I also wanted her to understand about entertaining herself. Is this something you could try to implement? I'm also gagging to get back to toddler classes just to have some interaction with my friends and the kids can run around amusing themselves. Things will get better, it's just hard right now, none of these phases last forever - although tantrums seems to last forever!

Everyone has different stages that they prefer - nothing to feel guilty about. Personally I was not at all fond of the newborn stage but loved having a little friend around from the age of about three.

If you haven’t already tuned out of Facebook and other social media, I’d personally recommend doing so. I used to get very upset by all the sanctimonious memes and twee little poems about savouring every single moment of baby and toddlerhood because soon they’ll have left home and you’ll be an unloved husk with no purpose . Being told to love every moment didn’t stop me being bored and stressed sometimes and it just added to the mountain of panic and guilt. (It helped a bit when I saw the chief guilt-tripper mummy from my local baby group screaming at her six year-old in the supermarket. Not that I didn’t feel hugely sympathetic, but sometimes it’s reassuring to know that nobody’s life is a soft-focus Facebook photo montage really).

It's positive that you've felt able to talk about your honest experience here. Often we are expected to love every second of being a parent.

My little person is 2.5 and I'm only now starting to drop the constant rolling guilt and anxiety. Despite her still being a pretty rubbish sleeper, I feel like I know what we are doing in comparison to the newborn stage. I think alot about my life before her though, and look forward to the day I can spend time away from her without being worried.

I find it hard to be around adults who don't have children by choice now, they don't know how good they have it!

I remember having a tough patch and reading 'love is an action'. You don't have to feel full of fulfillment to be s good parent, it is the very fact you do things for your child when you don't want to that shows how much you care.

It isn't the case that eveyone else is loving getting shouted at by grumpy toddlers!

To be honest, I don’t think anyone enjoys watching peppa pig with their 2 year old at 6am. I say that as someone who has been downstairs watching peppa pig with my 2 year old for the past hour, and wishing I was still in bed. Equally, no one likes being yelled/tantrummed at. It’s not enjoyable.
However I also have 2 older children so I know that this phase doesn’t last forever. It becomes less of a slog. My older 2 are at primary school. They sleep until a decent time, have their own hobbies and interests, don’t tantrum and are interesting and fun to be around.