The relentless of it all

[Cakeandslippers]

How do you cope when it's all so relentless? I just need advice on what I ban do make life more bearable.

I have a 2yr2m old and an 8 month old. I loved the first few months, really hard but lovely. For the last 5 months it's just been relentlessly exhausting. Neither of them sleep and I'm just so tired all the time that I really struggle to enjoy the days, actually I'd go as far as saying I hate the days. I'm not depressed, but I'm horrendously tired. Lockdown obviously isn't helping but I just don't see an end to this exhaustion.

The baby just won't nap anywhere other than on me, and every day it gets harder and harder to get him to sleep, he ends up screaming a lot from being so tired but refusing sleep. He will sometimes nap in a moving pram outside but it sometimes doesn't work. He's up thousands of times a night. We have to cosleep which I don't enjoy but even then he'll be sitting up, clapping, singing hitting me, trying to escape, crying, many times a night. Today he is up for the day at 5.15am.

The toddler used to sleep through but now she's back to waking and crying several times a night, husband deals with that so he's exhausted so can't help give me a break from the baby. Toddler won't nap anymore either even though she needs it so just gets herself so exhausted she just tantrums and cries all afternoon. Think she's only eaten her tea twice since Christmas.

I know it'll pass etc etc but I know realistically I've probably got another couple of years stv least of sleep hell so I just need ideas on how to make it bearable, anything?

@Cakeandslippers im currently pregnant with my second so can't comment on life with 2 just yet but we went through all sorts of crazy with my LO and his sleeping and I fully expect it to regress once the smaller human arrives. Even now he takes a good nap during the day but apparently 5:30 is the time to get up for the day .

Have you tried the huckleberry app for your youngest (free version)? It suggests sleep times based on wake hours which really helped us esp around the age your little one is at the minute.

With the co-sleeping, is he in your bed or a cot attached to your bed? We eventually moved our LO back into our room when I just didn't have the will power to go through and see to him all evening as he only wanted to be held but we compromised and rearranged his cot to be an extension of our bed so he had his own sleep surface and we had ours. He slept so much better and we transitioned him back into his room at 18 months but into a bed with a side rail instead of a cot as he hated his cot.

My LO wont eat if hes shattered either (unless its food he absolutely loves and even then its a hit or miss). On the days shes not at nursery have you tried getting her to have some downtime over the time she would have napped? I.e. going to a quiet space, dimmed lights, reading a book or zooning out to a tv show? I understand this might be quite difficult especially with another small human needing attention. Alternatively, on the days your DH is around (assuming this is the case) can you try and reintroduce a nap with a specific routine e.g. milk, quick book in bed and waiting for her to drift off, say just after lunch around 1 ish? Making sure its you that does it and not your DH as perhaps it's related to the less time shes spending with you if the other human is taking a lot of your attention. I say 1ish as my LO starts to flight sleep and get super needy if I try to get him down at 2, he will go down but its my wife that manages it as I definitely can't.

Yes as above the lack of sleep will last as long as you maintain the current regime I'm afraid..

[quote Cakeandslippers]@1AngelicFruitCake I have spent 2 years trying to tackle her sleep, please don't think I haven't. We've tried hundreds of things. Nothing works, or if it does it lasts a few days or weeks and then it reverts back. I hate this situation, I haven't just put up with it. She's not hungry, we've been through that particular issue many times, she won't eat when she's tried which is the issue. Sorry I realise I sound massively defensive but I've been living this nightmare for over 2 years and the worst thing I can imagine is another 5 years of it I'm doing everything I can to change it. She doesn't seem to respond like other kids.[/quote]
I’m really sorry if I sounded like I was suggesting obvious things. With my 2nd child I got up at 3:30am 😱 most days when they were 15 months whilst working and looking after my other child. It seems ridiculous but she wouldn’t go back to sleep! I found that routine, sorting out eating and being consistent really helped. My full sympathy though, that time of my life was really hard. I don’t know how on Earth I functioned at work! Try and remember it won’t be this hard forever, gets much easier when they’re a bit older x

Just to add, I’m really soft and I cried downstairs when we sleep trained our children. I felt like I hated my husband for making me do it. I am so pleased for us and them that we did it but I know sleep training is controversial.

Yes listening to your child dry is v painful but years of not sleeping is probably worst for all of you. I know she's super unfashionable but we followed the Gina Ford books. My husband had a head injury before we had kids and we don't get any family help and I work full-time so I couldn't have coped with years of not sleeping. DD1 went into her own room at 6 months and DD2 went to her own room at 6 weeks. We all slept better for it.
With DD1 I went to see our GP once who was also a family friend and said I found the baby crying at night and lack of sleep exhausting and how could I solve it. He said buy a bigger house and sleep as far away from the baby as possible and you will all sleep better...