Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Im ready to leave LO with mil, but 6 people live there. Baby freaks out with them?

15 replies

Sophie1029734 · 15/03/2021 15:12

Hi everyone. My little girl is 1, mil has been wanting to babysit for ages. I'm willing to push aside my worries and allow her to have LO starting at an hour on the weekend and build my way up. I dont work and I was EBF, I'm still breastfeeding now but she only needs it to sleep. Babysitting isnt something I wanted but I'm willing to open up to it to let MIl haveing 1 on 1 time which she has been talking about since I was pregnant. I know she just loves LO and I'm grateful my baby girls nan wants to spend time with her. We are lucky.

My problem is that LO crys at everyone in the house other than the MIL, they tend to just go up to her too. I went round 4 days ago and fil went down to LO level, jumped forward and smacked the floor with his hands. I knows hes only playing but for LO who is already scared, that's not the best way to get her to feel secure. She stood there like a statue crying, she only settled when it was just me and mil, everyone was going out for walks, shop etc
Ive expressed my concerns to MIL but she says it's good to put her in that situation so she gets used to them all, but I think it's selfish. LO finds security in me, I'd be leaving her, takeing away that security and leaving her anxious and upset around people shes not used to. That is my main issue and why I keep saying no. The only time MIl can have LO is at the weekend as she she works during the week. When I'm not there everyone feels more comfortable? So are louder etc. 1 month ago I left her for an hour, mil said would bring her back if she got bad. Mil said she was fine and sent videos.. LO was very quiet. Mil said she was fine but BIL slipped up and said she wasnt, she was crying a lot and very wary.

Am I overthinking and should i allow it, or carry on waiting till LO is older and knows them more? Lockdown has definitely impacted on my child's relationships, shes only comfortable with MIl because shes seen her at the door a tone.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 15/03/2021 15:18

Btw i've suggested MIL can come to me, I only live up the road. But she always goes back to haveing LO at her house.

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 15/03/2021 15:20

Can she come and babysit at yours while you go out to the shop or something and then she will feel more comfortable

dementedpixie · 15/03/2021 15:21

It's not up to her.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

DPotter · 15/03/2021 15:23

You do know you don't have to let your you MIL have one to one time with your DD ? There's no law that says you have to.

As a suggestion invite MIL over to yours and she can spend time with your DD there whilst you pop out.

Babies and toddlers born in the last 18 months have had very little contact with people other than absolute immediate family and for some being exposed to all these big people will be a bit scary. And likewise us big people haven't been able to meet up with the babies and toddlers and we've forgotten we need to take it gently until they feel happy around us, otherwise we risk them never feeling comfortable in our company.

Walesrecommendations · 15/03/2021 15:37

It sounds like you really aren't comfortable leaving your child regardless of who is in MIL house so I would not do it if I were you. She isn't entitled to have 1-1 time in her house with your daughter. Just say thank you for having her but you feel it's best if MIL has her when baby is older and happier being without you. You and baby are the priority here.

ARoseDowntown · 15/03/2021 15:44

Your MIL is right.

It’s up to you, she’s your child, but I think you’re wrapping her up in cotton wool. To texting her from being scared, or from crying because of the presence of new people or different environments, isn’t great imo. (Obvs as long as they’re loving etc)

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 15/03/2021 15:47

If it was just MIL I'd be happy to leave her, it truly is the only thing keeping me from saying yes. I love everyone living there but dont want baby to be scared.. maybe it's not the right time for LO to be left..

OP posts:

HamFisted · 15/03/2021 15:49

@ARoseDowntown

Your MIL is right.

I disagree. You don't scare a child into not being scared.

My DD really struggled with new people as a baby but I didn't force the issue at all. She had a nanny because I felt she wouldn't cope in a day nursery setting, no one babysat for any longer than an hour or two until she was OK with it.

She started nursery at 2.5 when I felt she was ready and she went straight in with no tears or anything and settled really well by all accounts. You don't need to put a child through distress for them to learn independence.

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 15/03/2021 15:49

I guess you could say I'm wrapping her up in cotton wool. I'm glad to hear if anyone thinks I'm being too protective because that's why I'm asking, I'm not sure weather I'm 100% right in the way I'm looking at things.

OP posts:

HamFisted · 15/03/2021 15:51

*Sorry, that should say no one babysat until she was OK with it. (Editing issue- I was going to put the age when she began having longer babysitting stretches but couldn't actually remember).

Spied · 15/03/2021 15:54

I'd not be leaving my child somewhere where they obviously weren't comfortable just to appease mil.

SeaToSki · 15/03/2021 15:58

Its better to build up to it.

A few weeks of mil coming to you and you leave the two of them together, then a few weeks of going to mil while everyone else is out, then a few weeks of just one other person, then try the whole full on thing

DavidsSchitt · 15/03/2021 15:58

Personally I'd tell her that you're not comfortable yet because it's so loud and busy that she seems scared.

If not letting a 1 year old baby be scared is "wrapping them up in cotton wool" then so be it.

I think people are forgetting that her whole life has been spent in the strange world of covid lockdowns etc.

Compromise maybe and say MIL and FIL can take her out to the park or wherever while she gets used to being alone with them instead.

Opticabbage · 15/03/2021 16:15

I wouldn't leave her there because your mil lied about how your lo was last time. You need to know that if your baby is really upset, you'll be told so that you can decide whether you'd rather go and get her.

ARoseDowntown · 15/03/2021 16:18

@Sophie1029734

If you're confident that she will be loved and looked after, that everyone there will have her best interests first and foremost, then I think you should do it.

It's always hard leaving your first baby for the first time. It's hard leaving any of your babies for the first time! Well adjusted, attached babies are likely to cry (although perhaps not as much as you!), but they normally get over it with plenty of distraction and new things to see and do: toys to play with, trees and flowers to look at in the garden, songs to hear, faces to see. It's all new and an hour will pass very quickly for her.

Give it a try. If it's traumatic for her, leave it some time before you try it again. As long as she will be loved and looked after, it'll be fine.

Flip