How do you cope with the lack of sleep in the first year?

[merrynelly]

5 month old is going through what I believe is sleep regression (used to sleep quite well at night prior to this). He has only ever napped for half an hour max in the crib and does remainder in my arms. My husband works very long hours and I have little family support. I'm running on very little sleep and exhausted (which I assume is just life with a baby). Is there anything I am missing here which could assist me in getting sleep? The only thing I think I am missing is that when DH is home he could take the baby for a bit but he cannot settle him at all when he cries, or cannot rock the baby how he likes in order for him to fall asleep for a nap and this has always been an issue for us. Is it a case of me just being a zombie for some time and eventually I'll get my sleep back?

Your DH needs to help. Teach him your little tricks for getting him to sleep and then leave him to it. Don't let your DH get into the mindset of thinking he "can't" do it. He absolutely can!

Cosleep for daytime naps

Go to bed early

Lower your expectations of what you'll get done each day, just chill on the sofa when you're knackered

Accept that being a knackered is part of the deal with being a parent, it never really goes away, just changes to a different sort of exhaustion.

Don't resent being tried, that's a complete waste of energy. Just maximise your own sleep in every possible way and find ways to rest.

I feel I am just getting out of this sleep fog now, Ds is 10 months.
He’s fed to sleep at bedtime, but now settles from awake in cot. He didn’t do this at 5 months. It’s just been gradual.

From 0-6/7 months I basically recommend going to bed when baby goes at night. For us that was 8/8.30pm. Baby would still wake a lot overnight but at least in bed 10/11hours means around 8ish asleep but disturbed

Get your dh to take baby an hour in morning if they wake early so you get an hour in bed. I can’t sleep again if woken at 5-6am and feed, but it’s an hour sans baby

Cosleep.
Go at the same as baby.
Nap at the weekend.

My DS is 15 months old and although his sleep has improved, I’m still up with him a couple of times a night (luckily brief atm 🤞🏻😴) .
I still have naps most days when he’s asleep. Yes it does mean I don’t get other things done but I do find the time whether it be in the evening or when he’s at nursery.
The difference that couple of hours sleep in the afternoon does. I feel like a new woman!!!
I don’t do it everyday (wish I could 😂) but do at least a couple of times a week, it just gets me through xx

DS was like this up to 5 mths and can still be like this. I have always just followed safe co-sleeping guidelines with him and gone to bed.

@Thatwentbadly

Cosleep. Go at the same as baby. Nap at the weekend.

Yep.

You can’t fight it, accept and adapt as much as you can. It gets easier.

That should be go to bed at the same time as the baby. Unfortunately I’m living proof that sleep deprivation carries on past the first year.

@FATEdestiny

Cosleep for daytime naps

Go to bed early

Lower your expectations of what you'll get done each day, just chill on the sofa when you're knackered

Accept that being a knackered is part of the deal with being a parent, it never really goes away, just changes to a different sort of exhaustion.

Don't resent being tried, that's a complete waste of energy. Just maximise your own sleep in every possible way and find ways to rest.

All of this. I found co-sleeping during naps on the bed to be really helpful.

When we were having a bad patch sleep wise, we sacrificed pretty much everything to maximise sleep. That meant that housework wouldn’t always get done, as I’d nap if I had the chance. I’d give up my evening to go to bed as early as possible to maximise the amount of sleep and we’d take turns napping all weekend to catch up on as much as we could. It’s doesn’t last forever and it made life so much easier until things improved.

If your DP struggles to get your baby to settle, he’ll have to go for a walk or a drive while you get some rest.

Your dh can cope with less sleep than he's getting, and he can cope with the baby by himself.

He could, for example, do the nights by himself at the weekend (or bring baby to you in bed for a feed and watch to make sure you don't roll on him, and then take ds back to bed so you basically doze through the feed).

You could go out in the day at the weekend - go park your car somewhere, recline seat, sleep. Leave dh and ds in the house so he can work out how to manage by himself.

Evenings - dh gets baby, you go to bed early with earplugs. Expressed bottle of milk for the last feed.

Mornings - he's in charge from when baby wakes for the day until dh leaves for work. See aforementioned earplugs.

Do not stand for "oh I can't handle him as well as you" or "oh I have a big important job that's more important than your job of caring for our child so my sleep matters more than yours".

Unless your partner is a bus driver, a HGV driver, a pilot or similar then as PPs have said he will have to manage with less sleep in the week.

At weekends he should be your son's main parent. There are lots of reasons for this most of which will not be apparent until your son is older.

You also need to bear in mind that it may take until your son is in school for a couple of years until he sleeps completely through.

Uggghh I remember this! That's the age approximately when we started cosleeping. It was the answer to all my prayers as although DS did wake up, he just needed to have a quick cuddle to re settle and I didn't actually wake up fully. In bed from 9pm to 7am most nights. I did bedtimes normally for the exact reasons you mentioned but we took it in turns who got up with him at weekends so DH and I both got to have a lie in. He's 1 now and we are very happy with this set up still. He naps independently twice a day but I do sometimes join in 😉